Relationships between parents are for us the stencil, which we will cut your relationship with your partner. We clearly digestible stereotypes of behavior and follow them without thinking, without analyzing. And we often don't imagine that the relationship can be quite different.
Perfect mother
To be loved unconditional love is the dream of not only children but also adults. If inside it lives nedolyublennosti child, the man doomed to look for in their partners "perfect parent".
Lots of men emotional development stopped at the stage of infant love to his mother. And no matter how old they are, they still feel like a child who needs a mother's love, care, admiration. Their goal is to be loved and not love, so in this role, they often choose women with low self-esteem.
They are charming, charismatic, caring, very few people can to resist them. But their behavior is often deceptive. The perfect wife, the girlfriend may be just the woman that will always live their interests. And God forbid, if after some time her excitement subside, it will allow myself to Express criticism or discontent will not want to endure affair or deal with your own life. Any deviation from the behavior of the "ideal mother" will be perceived as a lack of love. Expectations were not fulfilled. Resentment and frustration will be serious, and this will be followed by accusations of selfishness.
In such a relationship, the woman is often not sexually satisfied. Man can't make love with the one he perceives as his "perfect mother". After, the man-boy returns to his "beloved and loving mother" to his wife, while he is "resting", and then goes in search of the next adventure of love. And to leave his wife and he is not going to. Why? While it endures everything, plays his role, he is not going anywhere. Their ties on the side, he carefully hides, in extreme cases will swear on what light is that it was all over, that it was the only and last time that she is the most beloved and so on, But it's all just words. In fact, their attitude towards women is very superficial and irresponsible.
And what of the woman? She also wants to be loved, wants to complete sexual relations. A few options: to tolerate and forgive, to change him in revenge or the third option is to look carefully, what kind of man is near. And why the choice fell on this. Analyze all the pros and cons of living with such a man and make a choice. The film "Holiday in September," with Oleg Dahl starring just about it.
Let's be bored together
A frequent cause of change is stagnation in the relationship. People live together long enough, the feeling has already cool, nothing new happens, they do not develop themselves and not spiritually enrich each other. The woman in the foreground, children, cleaning, shopping or girlfriend, clothes, parties, men, friends, work, football, fishing, Newspapers. Family life becomes routine, each, in fact, living his life and not much interested in the life of another, common interests there. Left alone, they know not what they do, something to talk about, together they are bored. Sincerely interested in the life of its second half you want, only if you love her.
And emptiness requires filling. And you receive the one who fills, showing a genuine interest with whom you can talk on any topic, to laugh. Sometimes women specifically use this bait to attract attention to himself. They pretend that they have very interesting Hobbies men, ready for hours to listen to him, mouth open, surrounded by male care.
Invented the image
The stronger the love, the stronger the desire to drop everything and focus all that sharp to the breathtaking experience. A woman can be stored inside the ideal man, born of the father image or created under the influence read in childhood and youth books. When the image of a real person coincides with the image of the ideal partner from the unconscious, there are strong feelings, love, which is mistaken for love.
But this communication age short. Love has no habits to live long in the relationship. As soon as the passage of time through the ideal image begin to appear feasible, it passes and people leave.
In such relationships there is no purpose to know better the person experiencing such strong feelings. All the advantages are multiplied, all the flaws are generally overlooked, and if something still draws attention (or someone draws), then there will always be an explanation, did not diminish the status of the chosen one. Greed is explained by thrift, neglect - lack of time (lot of work), slacker and parasite presented as seeking a creative person.
Often people deliberately avoid the truth, which could help them to see what actually is a partner. It is much easier to live with invented by man, than to be alone or find someone else. It is easier to believe that "beats, it means love".
CREX, here is sex!
Love caused by sexual desire, is the most deceptive type of love and short. It is often confused with love, but this is not the same. The latter to a much greater extent associated with the idealization of the object, it has more fantasy. Because in the minds of many men's sexual desire is associated with the idea of love, they are wrong in thinking that love. And leave. But in these respects, the men and women never desire to truly know each other. Intimacy is achieved through sexual contact. Over time, the interest in the partner disappears, and begin the search of new love. Sexual attraction creates a short-term illusion of the Union, but without love such a "Union" leaves people strangers to each other. Feelings go away as quickly as they arrived. Sometimes it may be an unpleasant aftertaste, and even a feeling of aversion to ex-lover. After parting, one or both partners will never have a desire to meet again.
The strong love and love caused by sexual desire, there is a side effect, which is known not for everyone. People who can't live without the feeling of euphoria and universal happiness, the experience is accompanied by a strong love, take the risk that sooner or later they will not be able to experience anything like this, even in much smaller quantities. It's all in the hormones that are produced when a person falls heavily. The same hormones are produced when a person uses drugs. As the addiction becomes necessary to increase the dose again to get the desired effect. And if the dose increases should not, soon the effect will not be felt. This is exactly what happens to those who abuse their feelings for the sake of momentary pleasure.
Unrequited feeling
If a child has not received from the parent of love, then he will seek to fill this gap at the expense of other people. He will have to destroy the love of power, threats, and while he will always be little. Or, on the contrary, his sacrificial love will try to earn the love of a partner. If a child in my childhood I had to hear: "if you're good, and then mom will love it as an adult, he will choose as a partner of a person who is going to treat him just the same. He will have to earn the love of his good behavior, and he will not understand that love cannot earn. Similarly, you can't force love. Love is either there or it is not.
Nobody else can make you happy, even if you can win the object of his adoration, happiness will not be added. It may happen that, losing your perseverance, a person who does not love you, for some reason suddenly agreed to accept your love. But he does not love you and is unlikely to fall in love with the way you would like. After some time you can get bored to give only to receive nothing in return, you will receive grievances and complaints, the feeling that you just used. This applies to those who are not loving, accept the love of another person, often out of fear of being alone. Lack of love will be felt constantly. Such relationships will not bring satisfaction. Staying with this man, you completely deprive yourself any chance of a full relationship with someone else. If you can't love someone who loves you, then, of course, count on a happy personal life is not necessary.
Need more attention not on the outer side of the relationship, not romance, not on their fantasies, and the person whom you want to invite into your life. True love appears only after a certain number of years lived together. And this is different from being in love.
We often hear that if a person does not love himself, he cannot love others. Actually, if you don't love yourself, you will not allow others to love you. Loving yourself does not mean to be selfish. But to learn to love others, one must learn to love yourself. People with high self-esteem will not only be attractive in the eyes of other people, he will be able not only to find a worthy partner, but also to build with him and maintain a healthy relationship. The love born of love to everything around him, gives satisfaction and creates happiness.
Source:
Our psychology
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