There is such a nasty age: 13
The body overtakes the head
Famous Russian psychologist Lev Vygotsky, considering the age crises in children, called this period "the crisis 13 years." Adolescence can be divided into two age groups:
younger adolescence (the period from 10 to 12 years) and senior (13 to 15 years.
Such a periodization of mental development of schoolchildren was put forward by psychologist Daniel Elkonin.
The gradual maturing every child is different: someone it takes a few months, someone a few years. Influencing factors are many: it features a family environment, social environment, cultural traditions. But the fact remains: teenage crisis is inevitable, it is not a disease, not to attack, this is a normal development of the personality, its important stage through which you should go with the least damage to the psyche. Moreover, pass not only the child, but also his parents.
It is important during this period, not to forget the period of maturity and understand that the teenager at a certain age is hormonal leap: biologically, a man Matures and is formed quickly, whereas the brain, the psyche behind the body." And it turns out the dissonance: the body such as already and not children, and worldview are not yet formed; needs appeared, and no (prevents society, their own fears, inhibitions adults). Between physical ability and the psychological and psychosocial readiness there is no equal sign, the consequence of which is the conflict of a teenager with society.
“The first time a child finds himself separate from the rest of the world in 3 years. The second time was in 12-13 years. Just now "discovering yourself" pointed questions "Who am I? ""Why do I live? ", "Why am I here? ",
says psychologist Maria dawn. Teen brings the first results of childhood and takes a step towards adulthood. A fundamental understanding of this stage in the life of any person - let me stress, it any, because it inevitably passes each - is the implementation of choice: I for someone or I in the name itself? I need everyone - parents, educators, state, or I have to myself? ”.
“Oh, give me, give me liberty! "
In psychology there is a term like “growths” - new personality traits that occur at a certain stage of development. Psychological growth is evidence of a new stage in life, the consequence of the past, conclusion. The main growth of adolescence is the feeling of being an adult and the emergence of self-consciousness as the highest psychological functions. Growing up is a matter of freedom in many areas. Here and there a stumbling block between the adolescent and parents: the first believes that draws the advice he needed, all he can handle himself, and the latter are afraid of too high rates teenage possible errors and try the child's freedom to limit (in each family the limits of its own).
How can that be? Seems to prohibit only impossible, but, on the other hand, any extension of the area of freedom excludes parental control and, therefore, is fraught. Like and you can let go of a daughter at the age of 13 to walk up to ten in the evening, if all this is in your area (remember as yourself - how much longer wanted to be on the street at this age), but the crime chronicle beats the last democratic arguments... Yes, hard to let go, and trust, and to adequately assess the possibilities of a teenager. Here the only solution is to establish a teenager dialogue, become his friend, mentor. Democracy, not totalitarianism - the key to success in adulthood. But it is not enough to give freedom to the teenager, it is important that he knew that got her deserved.
Recalls Irina Valentinovna, mother of two daughters: “When my Lena was 12 years old, I was not going to let her go by public transport. And once in August sent her to the store, located in our area. And she went with a girlfriend in the Central Department store and bought it herself for school notebooks, diary, and other stationery. Came to me and said: you see, I went to the center, and nothing happened; so now you can let me go over great distances. I had no choice but to recognize the extension of some of its geographical independence”.
Another issue is the dominance of this responsibility. “When teenage crush a sense of responsibility, convinced that he has only the right to blame, but no right to genuine self-expression, he continues life under the banner of guilt and false debt, trying to prove that he is worthy of love and understanding that he is a good and wonderful, continues psychologist Maria dawn. - Versatility grades in school, enrolling in specific University (selected parents), circle "decent" friends and so on - it's all for whom done, really? Here's what parents need to be aware of”.
Increased self-awareness allows the child to explore his inner world, to form conscious interests, to Express themselves in writing. This means that the adolescent is subject to volitional action. And already by the age of 17 he acquires this neoplasm as self-determination. And this is a new, more Mature form of consciousness. That is, an independent full-fledged personality does not appear suddenly in their first year of University. Either it is formed gradually with proper, proper passing through a crisis of adolescence, or does not appear at all. And if a teenager has no choice, his behavior often becomes deviant, that is, deviating from social norms.
Play, hormone, and the game in democracy
One of the Central interests of every young person in this age is sexual development. The body is rebuilt, a new field requires research and understanding. The teenager concerned about their physical characteristics and presentation of itself as a full-fledged representative male or female. Evaluation criteria themselves and their data are derived from comparison with others, with the values prevailing in the environment (or, for example, imposed media). The emotional background is unstable, mood swings just as unpredictable as the weather in St. Petersburg. Parents in this period it is important to track key trends in teenage society, for example, time to explain to her daughter that if the series devyatiklassnitsy freely has sex with half the school, it does not the example to follow...
The constant comparison of ourselves with others also leads to the formation of youth subcultures. Young people are extremely conformal, and even if they declare absolute freedom from social norms, it is still gather in flocks and, as an option, vypivaut same Iroquois, wear the same jackets-leather jackets, dyed hair black or clip out the back of the head. Through this do not accept them compliancy teen shows his independence. For this reason, there are idols which he seeks to emulate.
As a result of reduced performance, and the interest in well-established forms of education. Favorite pastime - “party” with their peers. Communication, and communication on equal terms, becomes a key mechanism of interaction of a teenager with society. If the teacher in the middle school and high school will be able to interest the teenager as its object through adequate, bilateral democratic communication, the school will retain for a teenager its value. If not, then even a round excellence can slip into slackers. To replace the authority of the government comes the authority of the individual. This also applies to family relationships.
Lev Vygotsky noted that the teenager is not of a weakness of will and weakness purposes. Energy, which in adolescence brims over, it is important to send in the right direction, then the result will justify the expectations and Teens, and adults.
And parents again gives advice psychologist Maria dawn: “All that the teenager needs at this stage of life is faith in him, in his strength and his abilities, talents. Understanding, acceptance, trust. He needs to close was the person who understands it. Who will listen and not judge. Who just take him by the hand and be quiet, and will not require to turn your soul inside out”.
Well, remembered his 13 years?
Elena Sigaeva
Source:
Global network
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