Consequences of perfectionism, carried to extremes, sometimes there are terrible: depression, anorexia, labeled "old maid", career failure, tendency to suicide..."To be absolutely perfect - this idea fascinates from childhood, " explains psychologist Anna Comorin. Loving parents expect child the very best marks in school, the best results in sport, develop creativity, hoping if not for the genius of Chad, then at least his talent...
Attempts to meet inflated expectations turn into dissatisfaction, increased sensitivity in dealing with others, anxiety, that with me something not so... "
On this fertile soil, according to the psychologist, and its child perfectionism (perfectus perfect, perfect, perfect). And either completely influences your life, or enslaves some of her realms.
Work
Excellent grades in school, the Institute with honors - an example to follow. Parents happy: what a clever grown - athlete, member of the Komsomol"! No wonder always said: "do Not know how - do not touch, and once started, it is not pozarica, do. " Now brilliant career is only a matter of time...
A perfectionist not only takes upon himself such a responsibility and amount of work that never dreamed of mere mortals, but also copes with all tasks, no matter what it was. She is reliable, proactive, in all respects the advanced person.
"Every night I fall asleep with another business plan in mind, " says 35-year-old Svetlana. - I know that climbed the career ladder, as they say, "heads", and deliberately and not without pleasure. And why is that? "Faster, higher, stronger" is from my childhood I learned. However, personal life is not going well. Men somehow don't like that during sex I can begin to discuss work plans for the week".
The fact of the matter is that the sacrifice of the profession is too often brought personal life. In addition, labour fanaticism is a double - edged sword. "Perfectionists tend to bind a sense of self-worth of work, " explains Anna Comorin. - So they too spend a lot of time on unnecessary items that slow down the pace of work and reduces overall productivity".
But the boss will not understand, why delay the execution of the order, due to incompetence or hypercreatininemia". In addition, according to Camarinas, perfectionists can hide their failures - in order not to spoil your own perfect image.
Alevtina, 33, accountant: "I made a mistake in the calculations, and the chief has expressed to me their claims with all the team. I was in shock, but not because he was afraid to lose my job, or I was worried about the consequences. No! In my head fought one thought: what now going to think of me?! "
Beauty
Love, 24, office Manager: "I am very anxious, I like how I look. I never go outside without makeup. If there is a choice between convenience and effectiveness (whether it is shoes, clothing or hairstyle), I will always choose the latter. Every bar, every detail of my toilet carefully thought out, even if I just go to the store for bread".
This is the most innocuous example of this degree of perfectionism inherent in many women. Much more dangerous and often leads to terrible consequences is anorexia.
Hardly anyone today is to explain what this disease. "Anorexia nervosa is an illness of adolescents, whose special character is pronounced emotional dependence on the highest levels and standards, the pursuit of excellence. In 10% of cases of anorexia deadly," says Andrew Babin, psychiatrist, psychotherapist Clinic of nutrition.
Normal case: a woman with an amazing figure to convince myself that somewhere in her centimeter thicker than necessary. Verdict - urgently to get rid of. Diet, starvation, exhaustion - "cm" already and not even be there, but she can't stop. Any swallowed a piece she perceives as an unpardonable weakness, retreat from the goal, she needs to lose more weight, stronger, how will withstand...
"The more flawed a person feels, the higher the standards he sets for himself. I have not once had to deal with this in practice, " says Anna Comorin. The idea of self - improvement becomes dominant, it relieves tension, in which lives a perfectionist, giving hope that if you really try, then tomorrow he will be more perfect.
Advertising and show business actively playing the chord of discontent, offering recipes from any imperfections and imposing unrealistic images of supermodels. In the end, the constant tension and stress, tendency to suicide, workaholism, anorexia nervosa... a Cure from this disease one: to revise their attitude to themselves and others, to soften the paint, and analyze the positive and negative aspects of their behavior, allow yourself to be yourself".
Personal life
If we are beautiful, and the chosen person must be beautiful. Sometimes a long wait "his man" brings good results. But more often pumped disappointment and the stigma of "old maid". One holder earns very little, the second lot stout, the third "eye stupid"... Are they worthy of the "most perfect"?
Valeria, 29 year, journalist: "I Have many friends, some of them taking care of me, but relationships do not last long. I want to believe that I meet the perfect man - Prince on a white horse. And if men socks full of holes, from the mouth of tabagism bears, he or nail - what is he a Prince? Maybe I overstated requirements. Maybe I was destined to always be one. And may, at me something not so? ".
House
There is no dispute that the cleanliness and order in the house is fine. One can only admire the woman who every day prepares her husband lunch with the original six-course meal.
However, it does not allow hungry wife to the table until napkins, salt and Cutlery are not laid out perfectly. If lunch is not to be praised to the nines - the resentment, the fear of "own imperfections", mental disorder, tears. Not to mention what the dictatorship of order and cleanliness reigns in the house.
"You have to understand that setting high goals and healthy perfectionism in their achievement is commendable, concludes psychologist. Just as serious relation to choosing a life partner, writing a business plan or cooking dinner.
But if, in spite of Herculean efforts, you are strongly dissatisfied with himself; or izdergana from the fact that "all wrong"; or pathologically dependent on someone else's praise, just think about it: are you happy? "
Author:
Petrukhin L
Source:
's true.Roux
No comments:
Post a Comment