Explaining his parting, people often say: "do Not match the characters. These words really can stand completely various genuine reasons for discontinuation of relationship. However, there are times when it is really about the incompatibility of characters, what the young people had no representation, entering into marriage. We choose a partner on a variety of criteria, but many of them have little influence on the harmony in life together, while the character of another person, the compatibility features of his character with the features of my crucial for the relationship.
The exception to the rule
It is believed that a strong long-term relationship between a man and a woman is possible on the basis of the symmetric contribution to the total project called "our family". Each member of the couple something that gets - and everyone, consciously or unconsciously, calculates a "balance". If partners have the feeling that both sides are roughly equal contributions, there is a sense of justice and satisfaction with the relationship. If, on the feeling of one of them, "account" are not equal, then there is dissatisfaction, which can either be expressed immediately, "on the spot", or can be accumulated until the inevitable explosion.
Great contrast, a strange exception to these rules seem such a relationship in which one person dedicates his life to another. Consider such unions more closely.
It happens more often that a woman dedicating her life to man. Acts of many scientists, musicians, artists, politicians, whose contribution to world culture and history remained for centuries, would be impracticable, if these men were not loving woman who created men favorable conditions for creativity. Such wives were at Eisenhower and Ford, and among our contemporaries have, for example, Kobzon.
The reverse situation: when a man devotes himself to the woman. In life, as we see, these relationships are less common, because for most men it is natural to put first his job, mission, mission. And for many women in our time on the first place in the priority system is her favorite man and family.
Landau and carrot juice
Most importantly, however, is that the relationship we are talking about, there are not only geniuses and celebrities. A prerequisite for their creation are the features of characters.
There are many people, endowed by nature autistic character is not with autistic and perfectly healthy people who have certain characteristics in emotional, intellectual, behavioral sphere. The autism perceive the world through the prism of their theories, concepts, schemes and other "formulas". They are able to create a philosophical system of physical theory, to formulate and prove mathematical theorems. The autism find it difficult to interact with other people, it is difficult to solve ordinary everyday tasks. They are considered a geezer, strange, out of this world. Of course, such people find it difficult to create a family and to build a close harmonious relationship.
And here is a great fortune and luck can be met with a woman who wants to devote to such a man his life. Here, of course, raises several questions. First of all: what is the motivation of a woman? Leaving aside the version of ultra-low self-esteem or pity for an unsuitable man, say about the main motive, which happens to be in a relationship - enthusiastic surprise of meeting unusual, distinctive personality, not like others, with such interesting and unique inner world that was more attractive than co-existence with him and can not be anything.
In truth, there are women who are guided by the motive of another type: "he is an unusual man, with my help it will be great, and I'm going to stand in the limelight of fame next to him." But, as they say, another story. While our subject popularity and greatness do not play any role.
When I was told about such relationships young journalist of the popular glossy magazine, she'd wrinkle her nose and said that the woman's life, devoted himself to the man, meaningless and empty and someday she will bitterly regret.
At a superficial glance it may seem that we are talking about the role of the housekeeper who cooks, washes, stroking and doing all the other things. In this case, indeed, is the devastation of his life, about which we say more below. And about the vicinity, about which there is a speech, a woman does not regret never. Even though on her shoulders rests much more difficult than in most other unions. And these challenges are not only in everyday life, but also to the fact that with a male person with autism need to communicate in a special way.
A good example of how it should be done, is a little-known episode in the life of a distinguished physicist Lev Davidovich Landau. Incidentally, in addition to physical theories, awarded the Nobel prize, Landau invented many theories on another plane: how to live happily, how to resolve conflicts and t. d. This is evident feature of autistic thinking - the desire to transfer the theoretical apparatus from one sphere to another, completely different in its essence. Now, when Landau was recovered after a serious car accident, the doctors told him to drink carrot juice. He refused, saying that the juice unpalatable. Neither to convince nor make academician doctors failed. Then they were invited to come to the hospital his wife's Crust and explained to her what the problem. Cora walked over to the bed and asked: "Say, Dau, medicine may be bitter? " "Yes, " said the scientist, the medicine may be bitter". "Then drink carrot juice as medicine". Bark understood the peculiarities of thinking her brilliant husband and therefore was able to agree with him. "Equation" was correct and so was solved.
It may seem that such a relationship in the nature of parent-child, despite the age of the actors actually there is a whole range of adult emotions, relationships, attitudes - not childish, and quite Mature.
The roads that we choose
You can often see examples of relationships that look very similar to those we are considering. In them, the woman is also devotes her life to her husband, doing everything for him, for him, instead of him. However, the similarity is deceptive, and the sacrifice of a very different nature, and such a Union, too. Sometimes it is a special psychological game "the victim and the rescuer." The role of "victim" may perform, for example, the husband is an alcoholic, and the "rescuer" - his wife, who considers it his moral duty to suffer, to endure beatings, to drink with her husband "for the company", to get him out countless unpleasant stories, etc. players in psychological games, as you know, there's a secondary benefit, therefore, to leave the game alone could rarely.
If a woman divorces her husband is an alcoholic and gets married again for the same, it is likely that she realizes her destined path defined internalized in childhood performances and installations. And in this case also independently to rewrite the script manages to very few people.
The third option is similar relations is codependence. We will not say more about it because the topic was comprehensively reviewed in the previous issue of the magazine.
The main difference between life for another in a positive form and similar in appearance but different in essence the cases is that in the first, despite the difficulties, the difficulties and the inevitable conflicts in family there is a General atmosphere of love, and other people suffer from temporary prosvetleniya".
Let "life for another" - unfashionable, unpopular choice, but if your happiness is whether to abandon it?
Author:
Sabshin And.
Source:
Our psychology
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