Do not want such a fate for themselves? Then get together and get ready for a great work. Learn to say a firm "no" when circumstances require. Even the head.
A first step. Understand why you can't refuse?
You think that if you have time, and another person is not, you must help him?
Throw! This is a problem for your sister that she planned the day so that the evening doesn't have time to pick up daughter from kindergarten. You can help her, if you have the time and desire, but you are not obligated to do so. How not obliged to lend to a friend who urgently need to buy a computer and not enough "any unfortunate 200 green". Even if people are used in some issues to count on your help and will tearfully beg and accuse you that you fail, it'll be their problem. You don't governess on salary and not a Bank, giving loans at interest. You are a free person and you have your rights, one of which is the right to dispose of his time, energy, and money in its sole discretion.
You tormented by guilt, because it seems that without your help no cost?
And if you go away on business? I get sick? Die? So some way to deal with their Affairs they will find. Sister will find a way out by itself, will change jobs or leave the daughter in five days. Each pertinet anyone else, or delay your purchase for the month. But the same thing they can do, and in case of your refusal. And will do!
Expect gratitude?
And it is in vain. People like you are seldom thankful. Such assistance take for granted and each time demanding more and more.
Begins, of course, all very innocently: "Sergey, keep, please, for my children and I for a couple of minutes POPs up".
Further - more, "As well here he is our whiskered nanny! I don't know, what would we do without you, how would these Alamanni coped. Play with them? And we are still a little Prosvirnin". Well then - hit of the season: "Well, we still potuguese a couple of hours, drink beer, and children Serega home will deliver. Hey Grey, what kind of person? Fitter, happier! Well, let's go already, and then it will be too late". And Sergei promised to carry out his girlfriend. But it doesn't care. The girl is not small, can drive itself, and who will deliver babies in homes, if not Serge?
The story is real. Sergei was then 30 years. How long do you think he still was a girl after what happened? No! And not because she's such a bitch and could not without provolok, but because it is impossible to respect the human being, which give the shaft to all and Sundry. Since then it has been almost 6 years. Serge still be guided with children of their friends. And their children have no...
Maybe you are afraid?
It does not matter what it is: resentment, anger, revenge or asking something else. The main thing - fear makes you once again to go against yourself and accept what you do not want. Take this fear and do not try to silence is useless. But don't go at it on occasion. Use method "fear, but they do." Remember how when you were afraid to pass the difficult exam in school, but went and passed. Do now: fear, but in spite of fear tell her "no! ".
And let this fear others see: in the end, will be important not your feelings, and your actions. If you are confident in your actions - you will succeed.
The second step. Learn to refuse
Practice in front of a mirror. Repeat "no" up until this unfamiliar word will not sound natural. Your "no" should not be pronounced guilty tone and should not to sound rude (you have no desire to get nasty, you simply inform your decision). Talk calmly. But firmly - to avoid any attempts to persuade you again.
Learn to refuse the details. Each call to chat on the phone - interrupt him in mid-sentence, say, "I'm busy, call me tomorrow". Friend will ask for 50 rubles "until tomorrow" - say, "Alas, my friend, I have now every penny counts". By learning to refuse to detail, you are more likely to believe that they can refuse and serious things.
It is not justified. Want - explain the reason for her refusal, but absolutely can not do it. On the question of the requirement of "Why don't you want to do something? " you can reasonably answer "why should I do that? " If you don't promise to respond to asylum nothing.
Say goodbye to enemies. Be prepared for the fact that many people still considered your best friend, will treat you as a worst enemy. Still - they used to sit on your neck and go where they want, and then they politely asked from this neck peeling. Do not despair. In the worst case, the current so-called "friends" will leave, and you have a brand new, genuine, which you will need in themselves and not as a person, which can be used at their discretion. And the best friends and relatives will remain with you and will sauvageot you with terrible force.
Love yourself!
Catherine often suffered because could not refuse, and came up with this. When the Queen spoke with another request, it immediately gained a mouthful of water and a few minutes walking through the Palace, thoroughly pondering his decision. Spitting out the water, Catherine the Great is often answered: "No! ".
Source:
Femina.com.ua
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