Small family revolution
Perhaps, in early youth, no phrase is not irritated anymore. Well that's the reason why mothers know best about how to behave in any situation. Transition to adulthood - wonderful years, despite the ominous warnings of psychologists. At this time, we learn to look critically to others ' points of view, imposed beliefs and moralizing.
We criticize is incredibly useful in life. We choose our path in life and very angry, if parents take by the hand and pulled in some one them clear direction. And aren't afraid to make his own way, distinctly deny. Still, the transition to adulthood is a very honest period.
And the crisis begins. Parents inevitably lose their status is omniscient and omnipotent. It hurts and it's a shame, but such is life. It is possible to go about and make the transition to adulthood in one protracted scandal, and it is possible without war to part with his omnipotence and automatically receive a new status - parent saoimage. Believe me, it is much more pleasant than keeping in the family of the authoritarian regime.
"I know better"
Liverpool are still legends about what the bullies were the Beatles. Through all the charm of puberty were Pushkin, Picasso, Einstein - their surrounding was grabbing her head and were absolutely sure that nothing good of the boys will not work.
Among my friends many talented and successful people. And you know what? Almost all they have left the parental home at the first opportunity. Almost all first year at University chose a comfortable room and family dinners student residence and dumplings three times a day. Fled from his parents, not wanting to listen and believe. Someone saw the son of an accountant, and he went on HUDGRAF, someone wanted to transfer her daughter family business, and she ran away on the edge of the world and began to make new tourist routes for a small firm.
Now parents are awfully proud of them, but see them more often in the window "Skype". And there is no one to blame to throw bridges across the old divide not everyone is able to do. And if you want to watch progress in real time, give them the notorious freedom of expression, for which they fight. Believe me, for them it is really very important.
The choice of the road of life - perhaps the most difficult question. It is easy to understand the logic of parents who expect their child a secure future, but to accept - it's hard. To choose for their child's future College or University unjust and unfair - after all you doom it to the accommodation of others, selected without his knowledge of life.
Well, unless something has changed from what the animator Hayao Miyazaki graduated from faculty of Economics and Andrei Makarevich - architectural? And it is good that these people have the strength to go through about other Exupery could say: "each of these people may have died Mozart". Children, unlike fighting for a place under the sun adults, perfectly understand without cartoons and music the world would be terribly boring.
"I - it's me. I am in this life, not in order to meet your expectations," wrote the famous psychologist Frederick Perls in "the Prayer of Gestaltist". Peace and truth will be better when this simple truth will adopt not only psychologists - it really is very convenient to live and build relationships.
"You will disappear
Once you consciously gave life to another person. People came into the world, but not to pay you for this gift. He has another mission - one day he will give life to someone else.
That's just not cutting the umbilical cord or the celebration of age sometimes do not play any role: the child let go don't want to, but because from childhood to impress upon him the thought of his own helplessness, to build a high wall around it, to restrict the freedom of choice to the limit and to be always there. Most often it is the prerogative of the mothers, because mothers stand in the door, when fathers send their sons to the army - the attainment of manhood's sake.
A very common example: in a family raising a daughter-beloruska, which does not know how to hold a knife and has no idea what routes serviced by public transport. Towards the end of the school the girl appears bold idea - to go to College in another city. "You will perish, you are absolutely not suited to life! " - says the mother, stirring the soup. She don't let go. It will grow your rose under the hood, for which any draft will be a disaster. She would raise a son who will be called "sissy". And only then there will be absolutely happy.
That's only in the depths of the soul habit around to listen to his mother and neighbors with growing irritation. And if all goes well, the child will grow out of your artificial boundaries, look for built your wall, catch up, shall possess nedopoluchennye skills and leave. Because, once having escaped from prison, on their own it will not be returned.
"They're the wrong company"
Friends of our children are terrible people. They blame poor school grades and unexpected habit to be rude. They taught manicure scissors to cut holes in jeans. They invented a stupid rock band rehearsing in an old garage.
To criticize your friends - the most reliable way for a long time to be away from your child. We choose the company in accordance with their own Hobbies that surround us are very similar to us humans. Criticism of friends is the criticism of life, ideals and authorities of their child. Perhaps the authorities and the truth is questionable, but in this case it is better to gently offer new or switch to the position of the observer and careful to wait until the situation will change naturally.
Remember the days of his youth: parents certainly were not like your friends and girlfriends, and do not think that you had quite a different situation. In disputes between fathers and children "times always the same, and friends, we often just have jealousy, like any truly important people in a child's life.
To fend off hand: game training
When parents describe the problems your child is a teenager, they use a curious expression, "got out of hand". Like another failed attempt to tame a wild animal, to turn the cubs in home puppy. And while parents will retain the position of the trainer, the children will play the cubs.
Prohibitions nothing change, the carrot in the upbringing of children is the most ungrateful assistant. For example, I always got very irritated that parents can't find the right words to explain their own bans. "No" is not an argument. "No", it is repeated with regularity every half an hour, becoming only annoying noise. House arrest only stirs up the desire to escape. Threats of any kind are encouraged to do all in defiance.
Family psychology offers two acceptable positions in relation to their adolescent children. The First - "Observer". You make sure that the child does not have broken too much wood, but allow him to get his life experience. You do not limit the freedom (within reason), not try to impose their point of view. This is a good position, especially if you don't know how to act in a given situation.
But there is yet another "We". You do not put at the forefront of their own authority ("I"), not a guardian of the child, do not bind him to her skirt ("You"), you go to a common goal and look to one side. You learn to trust your adult child, you learn to believe in his strength and abilities. You go away, whenever necessary, maintain, when this is a must. Indeed, in this difficult period to Mature have all together - children and parents.
Difficult age or teenagers
Author:
Pechorin D.
Source:
Леди@mail.ru
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