At this point starts the so-called work of mourning. "The work of mourning" indicates that there was real grief, namely the death of a loved one or impending own. It's the only thing that cannot be corrected in any way, and never. This is a permanent loss, and should be authorisati - and only then comes the relief.
That happens to people experiencing such a loss, there are certain regularities. In England in the 1970-ies they were described as a stage of grief. The focus was on the loss of a loved one. However, similar experiences and stages of the faithful and for the patient with a fatal diagnosis, but also for the one who was injured, leading to disability.
Takes the work of mourning usually from three months to a year and a half. It is important that during this time have been passed all the stages was not stuck in any of them - and then at the end comes the acceptance of the situation.
Stage of grief
At that moment, when it comes to the HIV test result is positive, that is, indicates the presence of infection, starts the work of mourning.
Shock
. The body's first reaction is reminiscent of stupor: eyes wide open, with eyes like glass, not noticing reality. The body dries up, slow movement, possibly even with fuzzy coordination. Ironically, it is this form of self-care: people psychologically "escapes" from the body that falls from the terrifying reality.
It may seem that he is at this moment no one wanted, as he seemed not to notice others and answered at random, but actually it is not so: he really need to be near someone was. However, he is not very willing to meaningful dialogue, and there is no need to RUB it again: you just need to be there to hold your hand, hug... So for the test results it is better to come to a close and reliable person.
This condition can last for several hours, even three or four days, and the close attention it mainly comes down to everyday moments: to remind you that need a drink-eat, sleep, change clothes...
Lena, 26 years old, HIV-positive: "I remember well when I was donating blood for analysis, as it later came to results. But that was immediately after I looked at them, I don't know. I believe I sat and just stared at the sheet of paper. Maybe even an hour... Like I was preparing myself for the fact that the test may be so, but still it was a surprise... Probably, this simply cannot be done".
If this condition is delayed for more than four days, it is necessary the intervention of specialists.
Denial. HIV-infected can't believe that he did, can repeatedly do the test and not to believe the results. Here there are wild ideas, fantasies: if this was a joke or a mistake...
Dima, 19 years old, HIV-positive: "I thought that parents are trying to get me to quit using drugs. They decided to scare me and persuaded doctors".
This is due to the unconscious resistance is the refusal to recognize reality. Therefore, at this stage, there are cases when the first time after waking up people to forget about their illness - and only then with horror catches on. And in the evening he may be in a hurry to sleep - in the hope that in the morning everything will be different...
It also happens that the patient generally forgets about his diagnosis, even about the very fact of tests!
Victor, 32 years old, HIV-positive: "Now it already seems like something wild, but then I actually forgot about that ill. Imagine, I remembered about it only when leafing through the diary and found himself made an entry! I was afraid that was crazy and I have lapses in memory, but it was explained to me, at that time, my condition it was normal".
At this stage no external changes may not be due to attempts to maintain a normal life because it gives a sense of what was "old"...
Opinion
Nina Skibniewska, chief editor of the magazine for people living with HIV, "Steps-AIDS Infoshare:
- How long it will take for "the adoption of the diagnosis and how this process will occur depends on several factors. This personal qualities such as resistance to stress, and the availability of support from family or professionals. A crucial role is played by the level of awareness of the person, because he can objective information about HIV, and can live in the world of myths, where the "HIV=AIDS=death". There are support groups or mutual, where HIV-positive people share the experience of solving problems, and communicating with those who have already accepted their diagnosis, often gives the most positive results.
Prolonged stage of denial for HIV is very dangerous: it makes it difficult to refer to specialists. But modern medicine can live with HIV for more than 25 years - but this requires timely help.
But from reality to escape fails, awareness of the disease sooner or later, and then comes the stage of insomnia, apathy, perhaps, and exhaustion... HIV-infected person constantly thinks about the disease, about death, he can neither work nor sleep, nor to switch to other thoughts, all his conversations revolve around the problem... But it doesn't, does not help, only exhaust.
Oksana, 28 years old, HIV-positive: "I wasn't hungry, didn't feel hungry, just eat by the clock, because it should be. Sleeping was worse was unable to fall asleep, and then it was difficult to climb. Didn't want to talk to anyone, it seemed that no one understands what happened to me. But one I couldn't be... it Seemed that I run in circles, but no more strength left and I fall..."
After this condition comes aggression. Unlike the previous stage, then there is a lot of energy. The questions arise: Who is to blame? " and "what For? " There is a desire for revenge, retribution,... While blame can be outside, but can adrenomimetic and myself - and then the aggression turns into a autoaggression, that is hatred.
Svetlana, 38 years old, HIV-positive: "I didn't understand how it happened. I always thought that it is a disease of gay men, drug users, in General, some specific people. I'm not a drug addict, never been wandering some brothels, I've always had a circle of sufficiently high level. It is still unknown how it happened. After discovering this, I first thought that it was punishment for some offenses. I remembered my life, looking for errors and, of course, found. And then I thought I should be. I just was really angry at myself! And only then I realized that this is a disease, anyone can catch it..."
The next stage is called
bargainbecause the patient seemed to be traded, tries to make a deal with Fate.
Paul, 24 years old, HIV-positive: "I like someone put forward the conditions, I do not know - who. And wild some... Then it seemed to me that HIV will disappear if I will recover in the Institute and it will end. He pledged more with no one to fight neither with the girl nor her parents and was hoping that if I keep it, then everything will return to normal..."
The patient may experience the so-called ritual behavior. This is a peculiar way to deal with fear. But sooner or later the hopelessness of "trade" becomes obvious.
Then will begin the stage
depression. Only it comes to the acceptance of the fact of the disease, and it causes depressive experiences.
Julia, 26 years old, HIV-positive Naya: "About a year I just knew that I had HIV. Knew, but not fully understood. Not felt or something... And then suddenly really understood: Yes, it is true, it is. I felt such a longing that almost wanted to howl. I thought I had died. And then something happened and I realized that no, I am alive! I can live! To truly live! "
What says Julia - the transition to the next stage:
adoption. It was the last, it comes to letting go of the situation and relief. As long as man is alive and life goes on.
And, having diagnosed with HIV, a person can live a full life, to create a family, to be successful in the work, the creativity...
Finally, remember the old joke: "Life is a fatal sexually transmitted disease". The life of any person end. But while the person is alive, he's alive.
Author:
Solov'ev I.
Source:
Psychology
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