Survive in conflicts

Everyone will agree that conflicts cannot be avoided. Even if become quite the hermit - read: avoid contact with other people - will from time to time to meet with their inner conflicts between the desire and the obstacles to its satisfaction.


Let's internal conflicts while aside and talk about conflicts with other people.




More important than the person and closer to those discomfort.a with him to interfere. With unfamiliar or even strangers saves us indifference to this man. Its quite relative value in our coordinate system. Although if this stranger standing in the way of fulfilling our desire, then we can too... loss of comfort at the time that we spend on the settlement of the conflict with him.




But this situation is still easier to reduce to bypass or eliminate temporary obstacles to his immediate purpose. And here we can do a simple manipulation. Buy coveted ticket in your momentary Paradise. How? Corny paying a little more familiar fare any money, or your time and attention.




Much more interesting, in my opinion, to talk about how we're surviving in conflicts with loved ones and valuable to us. With those, from whom much of our life depends.




For example, partnerships in business. You are equal in status and position. Everyone has their own area of responsibility. And at the point of their intersection you disagreed, how best to proceed. Are you sure that is much better focused in the situation. Your opponent sure. Passions run high. How can that be?




The easiest way for many "to go" under the opinion of Another. Agree, fearing seriously ruin valuable for you relationship. Restoring a bad peace, which - as they say - better than a good quarrel.




In the end, remain? In different ways, but most likely the finish of this world stuck in you pressed and crushed aggression. And the partner will be in everyday life a little more annoying. And crushed in the Bud" energy conflict has a chance to shoot at the most inopportune moment - your sharp word in a completely harmless situation, attack, bad appetite, headache, indigestion.




The second way of the most common is to destroy the opinion of the opponent. Crushing reptile. In the course are threats from "I'm out of this project" to "I come from a partnership with you - depending on the significance of the conflict situation. Or, for example: "If you don't, as I said - it does! Close the project - business - the list goes on". Methods such... bright, powerful, but if misused, then one day instead of the usual fear and retreat Another you can meet with joyful: "get outta here! " If this answer is exactly what you hoped for, then fine. And if the pressure and threats were your so... the most well-developed way to succeed without losing meaningful relationship, you can upset a long time... And even then regret...




Yes, and aftertaste of this method is often guilt. The price for the victory may be the inner loneliness of the winner. The loss of trust in the contact.





So what to do?


There is still this way. Take the severity and discomfort of the situation without immediate action to resolve it. No fuss in search of a quick withdrawal from a painful impasse folded raznovektornoj your current opinions.




Yes, today you were diverging views. I accept it as a given. Me anxious, angry, lonely. But I waive their usual "shoots" out of the impasse. I remain at an impasse. I remain in the confrontation with your opinion on this issue. Without a confrontation with you. I aggressive to your current point of view. But instead of her hasty destruction I am willing to spend the energy of your aggression on finding solutions that will improve the situation for both parties. Without impairment of his or your point of view and our partnership. I am ready to look for a way out himself and with you.




Yes, at first glance, as energy-intensive..., indefinitely... fuzzy...




But here's what can happen in this uncertainty can grow something quite different, a new opportunity. Which can surprise with its obviousness. But on the way in which it is necessary to spend time and energy agonizing "marking time" in the stub and energy confrontation of opinions.




In my opinion, in my family, when the family lived as a community of equals, this method can help... or maybe not.




And if you try?

Source:

School of life

women's web magazine