It is clear that the first reaction to the false indignation. But here's upset, what's next? How to lie to fight? And in General, how to live with someone who constantly lies even on the little things, when obviously it is clear that all will be revealed.We interviewed pairs for which lie has become the stumbling block, and compared these revelations with psychological research.
Confession deceived husband
"
All my life I only knew what was found cheating wife - says Stanislav. "No, Tatiana serves me correctly, it's just every day, chronically lying on the six years of our life together. Yes already know all this! She loves everything to embellish, to imagine. Why she says she was shopping, if at this time chatted with his girlfriend? And if it is something you need to buy, so will write that I want to die, if this will not do. When I am interested in from work, did the son of lessons, his wife is lying, what lessons ready. When I come home, they hurry to finish the job. How to live, I do not tolerate cheating?! "
Tatiana believes their marriage successful. She's great things are going at work, she gets along with my boss and friends. We must pay tribute to her artistry. However, if she is not an actress and not sold, at what stage it to show their abilities? Falls on family and work. Women lie always bordering on art, it is a process where imagination ladies ahead and embellish events - emotions and distort reality.
Often the female lies no purpose, lying only "for the love of art". But most men can't understand it and showing outstanding detective talent, begin to track down the cause of lies, trying to discover the deception. And then the meaning of family life boils down to, "who will catch it." One couple admitted that some time they play a game: who gets caught cheating. Husband and wife do not fully trust each other, and that, in their opinion, heats relations. How far can the sporting interest of this pair, is not known.
In Stanislaus Union and Tatiana false does not apply to matters of love. Rather, it is of a domestic nature. But as you know, life is made up of little things. Tatiana loves her husband, not interested in other men, she takes care of their loved ones, wisely spending the family budget, hoping that all was well. When Tatiana argues that the lessons are done and everything is fine, she just wants to demonstrate that she is a good mother, manages and pays attention to his son. If she had stayed at her friend's house and hid it, just because intuitively felt jealous husband to her friend. However, the chain of misunderstandings and misunderstandings can destroy this Union. And the reason is that my husband seems that he never lies.
By the way, psychologists have found: "honest" people, usually other lie - wishful thinking. Also these "whistleblowers" consider his opinion the ultimate truth, and so must their wives to adapt and shift within the rigid attitudes of partners.
Causes
The origins lie can be different. Tatiana told me that sometimes she does not notice as to exaggerate or embellish events. Most likely, the woman got tired of the routine, and with his innocent lies she is looking for "thrills": lying and thinks, will guess whether the husband again? Another reason is that he did not cry and did not get angry", if only everything was calm and quiet, and look there. Another reason: "I don't consider myself a liar, rather, it is the female wisdom. After all, her husband to tell everything should not be", - said Tatiana.
Because emotional leader is a woman, her decide what the truth to tell her husband. However, overdoing it is not necessary, because a man resentful and suspicious. "If she so often stretching the truth in detail, what she comes up with big? "he thinks. Doubt accumulate, and to regain the trust of her husband becomes almost impossible.
The task of women is to find the line of contact, good style and delicacy, not to feel eternal "girl whipping" and not to turn her husband into a despot and accuser. Such masks and "gambling" in the close circle of family is not safe. Do not get check reading thoughts of her husband, then it will not have to reproach that it makes you "turned inside out".
Confession deceived wives
"My husband Nicholas is a wonderful man, but he constantly lies, and his lie shita white thread, " says Hope. "I always know where he's spent the money set aside for furniture, or with whom he drank beer yesterday. It so happens that the husband is not paying for the phone or for the apartment and tells me that everything is paid for. Then come re-receipts - what can I say?! Nicholas hides that took the money because he knows I don't like it. I always keep my promises, and the husband should never be relied upon. All his lies - a trifle, but it poisons my life".
Hope he appreciates his family and is not going to divorce, so I tried various ways of influencing wife - threats, tears, pleas, but nothing helped. To understand the situation, you need to get to the reasons that push her husband into small deceptions and tricks.
As a child, Nicholas grew up in a family with an authoritarian parenting style: the father and mother always told my son that he may lose credibility forever." Exposing the boy was as if the purpose of the parents, so Nicholas grew throughout the report. As he got older, he learned how to defend myself to lie in order not to incur the wrath of the parents. Children from such families complain: "If mom or dad telling the truth - even worse! What is left to do?! " The child is afraid to lose the love of parents and to avoid role is to blame, it is much easier to tell the truth. Such a reaction will be transferred to his own family. In essence, this is a neurotic reaction.
Nicholas, trying to be a good husband, lying at every step, and he doesn't care that the deception will be revealed. The fact that the protection mechanism on a subconscious level and habit developed since childhood, stronger arguments of logic. "Munchausen syndrome" is not a product of creative imagination, but rather, the consequences of severe childhood. In this way one avoids feelings of guilt and shame. Especially a lot of lies a man with a complex "Superman".
Striving to be better in everything (career, achievements and physical strength) he presents a picture of "I always O K". In the eyes of a woman as a man, on the contrary seems to be weak and spineless. On the other hand, a man seeks to avoid imaginary punishment. Wife also interprets it quite differently, she feels an injustice, disrespect, her soul seething feelings: she loves, hates her husband, and sometimes the situation seems her tragic and hopeless.
It is noticed that at first the woman reacts as a controlling mother. But this response does not resolve the conflict: the husband knows that the mother will understand and forgive", and after another censure again will love. Then this role is becoming unbearable for his wife - she's protesting, arranges scandals. Constant monitoring and resentment do not go unnoticed, comes the stage of exhaustion. In the worst case, the woman feels unprotected or, waving a hand at her husband becomes emotionally cold and looking for a replacement.
To such trouble does not happen, you need to tune in to the gradual solution of the problem, to try to help my husband to rebuild your reaction. But remember that the stereotypes that from childhood, can not be overcome in a moment.
As lie men
Being from nature, shrewd, women learned little deceptions of their husbands. And know how to prevent them and to forgive. Here is a small list of typical men's deceptions.
The woman is always right. A woman's word is law. In saying this, the man never believes in his words. Rather, he flirts. Hearing this from the mouth of man, but don't expect it immediately begins to fulfill all your whims, to Tinker with the child, wash the dishes and wash. Man, alas, not a fighter for women's rights.
Had to stay on the job, in addition to the roads in terrible traffic jams. The astute woman will never take these words seriously, even to expose her husband will. The faint smell of beer speaks for itself.
You have me, swallow, so beautiful and economical. The man clearly wants to avoid a General cleaning. Touching the combination of beauty and domesticity cannot fit into the natural course of thinking men.
I've had hundreds of beautiful women. You're my second woman in my life. Both statements are equally dubious. Either he wants to be a philanderer, or waiting for your pity and condescension. And then, and other manipulative techniques, pushing the woman to sexual activity.
Drank just 50 grams. Such accountability suggests that drinking a lot of and different. Ask that her husband drank, and he will start thinking. Sober people never says how much he drank.
Never for one woman felt that to you... Husband wants to be your only one so tell him that you believe in it, and let it calm down.
That woman knows the tricks of her husband, gives her some comfort, confidence, and the ability to understand: to hope her in some situation only on yourself, or you can get blessed. If the spouse is stuck in the catcher in the lie, help him out - he needs help, because lying requires enormous expenditures of psychic energy.
As lie women
"A woman should be a mystery to men and never tell the truth" - so says the majority of ladies. The immediacy and excessive openness damaging the relationship. Not heard from men that are too direct and open women they quickly get bored when there's mystery and intrigue, doubts and romance, it's boring. The woman should not ignore such comments.
For women it is not false:
- at a certain age to forget their calendar age;
to understate 3-4 times the cost of a lipstick (not to injure her husband in detail);
for a more interesting story to invent colorful details and give them a very emotionally - Stanislaviv just resting;
- in conversation with a man to compliment his appearance, despite weekly unshaven and dirty shoes.
Another common pattern of lies: before you lie to another, you need to lie to yourself. This rule is held by the women who live with men just for the sake of the children. It is a chronic lie and a kind of conscience.
Homemade indicators lie
Not necessarily in the house to have such a complex device, such as a lie detector. Although every woman has their signs of deception blessed, psychologists have found some patterns.
Closed gestures. The man always hides his hands in his pockets. When the conversation slightly covers his mouth with his hand. Touching hands shoulders or face.
Movement of the body. The man is lazy shrug and a little smile. Scratches his chin, twisting his tie people who don't want to find out details of what is happening, and he is in a hurry to end the call. Artificial coughing and bustle of the movement.
Signals eyes. Shifty eyes and abstraction of the view.
Need to know
How to respond to false
As one wise man, after three divorces, he learned to identify any lie. However, not always does: "Well, what is such a special man can deceive a woman? Well, he drank without the demand of vodka or money "Senegal", that's all. And the woman? Well bought a fur coat, perfume, lipstick. Needless to strain due to such nonsense?! " Here's a simple tip seasoned.
External signs of male and female lie different.
Man, when lying becomes aggressive, not looking at him, shuddering breathes, speaks in a loud voice, leads the fingers on the face, can jump up and run out of the room.
The woman in this situation is usually unnatural smiles, says children's voice, smoothes out her clothes, puts one leg over the other and more often than usual, blinking.
But the intensity of lies from the floor is not affected. According to the estimates of American psychologists, men and women lie with the same frequency - on average from 5 to 20 times a day.
According to the magazine "the World of family, No. 1, 2005
Author:
White A., psychologist
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