We began our conversation with Daria with her phrase: "You wanted to hear something from smart blonde? In vain! " We did not believe her and they were right. Her knowledge of life, logic, iron will and sense of humor made us believe that Daria manages your thoughts as well as his hands and feet.
- Do you love yourself?
"Yes, of course!
Fear of what?
- Practically nothing.
Is your method of dealing with stress?
Generally I do not feel stress, therefore, and methods of dealing with it special no.
- Did you ever have a depression?
- No, no and no. I do believe that it is not. Depression is a serious clinical diagnosis. When a person is lying on the couch, staring at the wall, not eating, not drinking, refuses to get up, his hands are shaking, his sick, he's diarrhea is a clinical signs of real depression. And if you don't want to go to work, it's laziness, not depression.
- What is happiness for you?
- A very global question. This is probably when my family happy.
Three things that you respect the most?
- Hard work, honesty and the ability not to give up.
Novels Darya Dontsova (Agrippina A. Dontsov) are divided into five cycles, the main characters have similarities with the author.
Three things that you hate most?
- There is no such thing. If I accept the person, you realize that he has, like me, disadvantages. Don't like people not to be friends with him. The hatred here to anything.
- How often do you lie?
- Constantly.
Can love bring suffering?
Well, probably, Yes. Although this is not my experience.
- Once you've had a very unusual name Agrippina. What you changed it to Daria, is simply a tribute to his literary activity - alias took - or there were other reasons?
"Very naughty looked Agrippina on the cover of the book. It is a long difficult name. Perhaps if I had stayed Agrippina, then there is certainly all would have thought it an alias. On the other hand, I collected all sorts of "articles" about your name: my name was Antarctica A., Grechka A., Argentina A.. Therefore, when the question arose about the issue of books, and he stood up when the publishing house was already twelve manuscripts, it became clear that we need to find some shorter and easier name. I always liked Daria, and the heroine of the first books Daria. Hence turned out to Daria on the cover.
- Some people believe that when people change the name, change the fate. Is it in your case?
- Yet some people believe that black cats bring bad luck, and if you met on the street priest, then you need to grab for the keys. I would not rely on popular opinion, because one popular wisdom has fifty folk nonsense. No, nothing changed! As I was my husband's favorite when I was Agrippina, so he and I left when I was Daria. Science my husband, the person does not change: as I could not kick him in the cheap Shoe stray dog, so I can't see her now kick it in the boot from Louboutin. Yes, changed shoes, and personality doesn't change. The possibility of others appeared in connection with the writer's fees, and no.
- Many people feel unhappy, believe that happiness will come when it will be loved, apartment, new job, etc. How to learn to experience this sensation in the circumstances? Do you agree that it can be learned?
- There is a little secret: thoughts can be controlled, as arms and legs. Thoughts are material. When you come to the idea that - "Here I am miserable, I am so terrible, you need to say at this point "stop". But it is as difficult as not to be the third cake in the evening in bed. When you need to do something immediately, for example to go on a diet, the person is somehow uncomfortable. It all depends on willpower. It is necessary, on the one hand, to learn to tell yourself "stop" and on the other hand, when it comes to this - "I am a poor, miserable, I feel bad, I failed! "you have to look at where worse. Then you begin to understand that you are very happy happy man, and it must be borne in mind that all persons in the glossy magazines that you look, Hollywood actors, our stars - they also have problems. And probably the most miserable person in this world is the Queen who for all her position, money and mind, obviously, and it is difficult works. So be glad that you ain't determine the fate of the state, and live happily.
- Some people like all the time to complain, having all, while others are happy with little. Some overcome difficulties, others discouraged. What is the reason? Only with willpower?
- This is a big psychological problem. On this subject, written a huge amount of scientific literature, and many psychotherapists, to which the man walks over the years, can't teach him to be happy.
Why?
Because to be unhappy - it is very comfortable. It's like in childhood: child rasgowariwaet sore on his knee, like it hurts, but well. Now suppose I am a happy woman, I'm fine, I'm fine, and to cry over something like. I am the Ambassador program "Together against breast cancer". Now, many women saying that they want to get well, really don't want. Because her inattentive husband, children, mother is absolutely not necessary, not very good colleagues and a small salary. And suddenly she gets sick. And all done embarrassing: the husband starts to drag some broken tulipani, mother-in-law cooks soup, kids buy her mother some chocolates, work colleagues, too, cease to speak evil, you start to feel sorry for. She is in the center of attention, and the head of the women suddenly had an idea: "I want to leave". No, she tells everyone that intends to recover. But actually there, inside yourself, really wants to be subject to concerns. And dies. A huge problem in Oncology, associated with the peculiarities of the female psyche. So, if you are sick, be honest with yourself, do not be drunk with disease.
"Then I must say that to be happy is hard?
- Do not get easily. Without effort will not get you a beautiful figure, a good man, well-mannered children, a good mother and a loving mother.
When you are having difficulty, how do you cope with them?
- Difficulties in life happen every day. I'm thirty years old, being the cook of academic psychology, it was brilliant phrase - "Let's define what complexity! ". Here is what is complexity? For one it is to get up after a very serious illness, not two feet and learn to walk with a prosthesis. And for another - it is difficult to deal with torn tights.
"Someone's hard to create a family, someone is hard to find a job...
- It's not the complexity that is life. To create a family - this is simple, you need to find someone who, as it seems to you, can be a companion of your life. Where can I find? Look around, it is likely that at work on the fifth battery sits poorly dressed, dirty head, the man who actually got into good hands, will be a wonderful husband. First you have to decide what you want. I recently read women's statement on divorce, it started beautifully: "My husband is impotent". Two paragraph was: "He's a womanizer". Impotent-womanizer does not happen. If you want a house in nice, private yacht, airplane, be prepared for the fact that you have a house husband will never happen. Romantic dinners, walks together with a stroller, travel buddies is all past. Most likely, you will drive to the protection of obligatory status of the parties alone, but her husband will see once a month, he will earn money. But if you want romance, if you want to mate at six in the evening was at home and I cooked together the potatoes, then marry a high school teacher, but then you won't have a lot of money. But do not want all at once. It doesn't happen! By the way, my husband brought up.
- Many people want the finished product, there are many marriages where the husband is a wealthy man 20-30 years older than wives. How do you feel about that?
"I know such happy marriages, I know accidents such marriages. It all depends on the woman. If it is stupid, then the marriage will not work if she is smart, then the marriage will turn out great and age plays no role.
Ivan Podushkin the son of the Soviet writer's Secretary in the private simici Eleanor. Polite, with high moral principles of the people. The owner of a slim figure and high growth. Smart, intelligent, educated. A bit indecisive. Quite nice Mature man. Trusting, and it can be fooled. Contains elderly mother 60-65 years, consider themselves young and beautiful woman 35 years. Nicoletta is a bit unbalanced, cry for her - a need of the body. The Podushkin - inveterate bachelor. He was not lucky with women. Some believe the poor Ivan Pavlovich gay, but it's not.
- Do you think that in marriage it all depends on the woman?
Very much depends on the woman. Often hear: "my husband is an alcoholic! " Not so live with it! "I have no choice! " There's always, but not the fact that he'll like it. When I start to ask: "Why do you live with this alcoholic? "I answer: "we Got the apartment! " And you spit, take a bag, leave him the apartment, go to another city, get a room there. "AAAAA... throw in an apartment you that! " It's in the apartment or the husband? If you dig, it is very often the man fades into the background. Every wife worthy of her husband, every man worthy of his wife.
- Is it possible to say that not every woman who claims that she wants marriage and the family really wants this? Maybe she actually wants another? The apartment, for example.
- Married women in our society are pushing different situations. Firstly, public opinion, which for many years with all the reconstructions and skirmishes have changed little. I quite often in France, there, you see, it is not customary to give birth to 35 years. First career, some assertion, then marriage, family and children. We have the same if a woman up to 24 years of age are not brought forth, then it is just terrible. Medicine is now quite well developed, up to 45 years no problems with the birth of a child there. If you have no husband, this does not mean that you are worse than others and are you some kind of defective. Husband to find - very easy, the question is whether it is you or the wedding wants your mom.
- Some say that it is not necessary to save yourself in anger and negative feelings, it is necessary to give them out, and someone can't do it. What do you do?
"You know, I am totally against rudeness. If you have a good education, you will listen to the boss, even if he's wrong, will not shout at him and stomping his feet. You can say correctly what you think. If you people Hamit, you're then able to find a way to put him in his place. And feelings is when you come to the man, Pat him on the head and pulling him in three hours the night a Cup of broth, because it went evil with work and you're trying to calm him down. And yelling at her husband's three-story Russian language for what he drank a bottle of beer is rudeness and bad manners. How do you react is a moment of self-actualization. I need to think about what will happen next, what happens after you do.
Darya, you may be considered a very wealthy woman, you rotate in the appropriate circle. What can you say about people who became rich, as you put it, in the period of "perestroika/skirmish"?
- Maybe it's the rich people have become sort of more obvious because of the magazines, Internet. But rich people existed in the USSR. I am from the family of the writer and actress, so I can call the writers ' fees of those years. The average fee for a book my father was 15 000 rubles, this despite the fact that the average salary was 80 rubles in the country. The percentage of fools in the world the same. You see, in Russia as many fools as France. And the word "Nouveau riche" - it means "new rich" - came to us from France. Riches exist in France, and in America, and we have. Poorly educated, suddenly wealthy people are not exclusively Russian torque. But there is another aspect, which I don't like to write journalists. I know a lot of rich people who never embraced its viability, are patrons, help low-income people. And yet, to be rich, you need a lot of hard and difficult to work. It is true that security falls from the sky and that it is received only moral freaks. If your neighbor bought a luxury SUV, and you're walking on the service, it shows only one thing: he managed to succeed, and you're not. Not jealous, not selbstbau, don't repeat the phrase: "we live well only rogues", better spend power to pursue their own well-being.
- How often do you have to sacrifice something for the sake of family, work?
- I can not tell to have what special victims. I just get up at 6 in the morning till 15-16 able to write what was supposed to write. You know, that time when I had to put on baby and take it to the kindergarten, it took forever. And her husband for many years of marriage found himself the way to the fridge. We have it hanging Board on which a marker is written that there is: soup, main.
Daria, how many years have you been married to her husband?
- 83-year, it turns 28 years.
- What is the secret of such a strong Union?
- Before that ran away from me, two men. The first two men I trained, so with the third live 28 years.
But the fact that he's a psychologist, as it helps you?
"You know, my husband is home not a psychologist. Often my girlfriends friend run to him with their problems, and then it starts to work, but I don't. In our pair psychologist I.
- How do you feel about psychologists?
- Different. Psychology is only a profession, and not all in this profession are smart, committed and knowledgeable, not everyone wants to grow. I know very smart, encyclopaedically knowledgeable psychologists who truly love this science and sincerely committed to this science developed forward. My husband always students escorted by applause in the lecture. But as he prepares them, this is a must see. He no two the same lectures. Psychologists are very different! A good friend sometimes it works even better because the therapist has no right to talk to his patient: "Oh your husband is an alcoholic! " He has to build a conversation so that the patient has made a decision, and then it will be for him faithful. On the one hand. On the other hand, a good therapist needs to find. I am very against the situation when the person arrives at a three-month courses, quickly nakativaetsa some tests, and here it specialist. This mount is a professional you can be very detrimental. Yet we must not forget that psychotherapy is one of the most expensive pleasures and psychotherapist, you can go for years. To my mind, always in my head to keep one simple thing that there is no such pill that you swallow and will be young, fun, beautiful, active, smart. This pill does not exist, you have to work to become that way, for you no one can do. I can come home to my girlfriend and wash her floors, but can I for her lunch?
- And how do you think, the popular statement that "leftist strengthens marriage" is a folk wisdom, or, as you put it, "people's stupidity"?
"Well, actually strengthens it, because the man is polygamous. And love, again for science my husband, lives three or four years, then happen some hormonal shift and this love turn into some kind of other sensations. Either you become good friends and understand that you are one team, or it all ends, the husband and wife begin to annoy each other, and then, of course, have to flee in different directions. If a man looked at a woman, he liked it and that is something they have disposable happened, that nothing in this terrible there is no. Typically, a woman about it even never know if it's a wise husband. One of my friends has a husband, a very wealthy person, every time, go to the left, comes home and it hangs every time the coat over his shoulder. He feels a profound sense of guilt towards his wife, standing on the threshold with a cloak of leopard and says, "Honey, I accidentally bought! " Dear-dear smirks, hangs 152-Yu coat in the closet, pats him on the head and says, "Oh, what a beauty! As you indulge me". She loves her husband and realizes that this zigzag left him with the necessary solely for self-assertion. A normal man, if his mind did not periclinal, ran into someone else's bed, in the morning he understands that his wife is better.
- Have there been in your life missed opportunities?
- I think never about anything do not be sorry. What did you do, change is almost impossible, and spare no sense. But I know all the bad that happens to you, happens for good.
- Do you agree with the statement that fools learn from their mistakes, and smart for strangers?
- Stepped on a rake with rubber handle is a sport of many people. From the mistakes of others will never learn! And then, what is considered a mistake? From any position there are two exits, but keep in mind that you may not like! There are no hopeless!
- Sometimes, even when people have found two outputs, fear to take a step. How to be in such cases?
If people can't make a move, he needs to sit in the swamp and watch those, who are these things doing. Each has what he deserved, never Vice versa.
- What you can be pleasantly surprised?
- A bunch of things. I recently iPad has pumped a lot of electronic toys, now I have great happiness in traffic doing what hit birds pigs, looking for different hidden things, make menus for restaurants. In General, I feel just fine.
Many parents believe it is harmful pastime. What profit is in them both?
- I rest! This is very cool washes the brain, especially when sitting in the Barber shop or in the tube stand. When the child is playing and no longer does anything, it's probably on one side, bad on the other hand, of those people then get professional computer scientists. I was struck by the story of a boy from a remote province, which my mother bought a laptop. The losers in the end I made some program and sent her whether Apple or somewhere else. There grabbed his head, a brilliant child, took him to America with her mother, and now a former slacker - a student at a prestigious University and beloved employee of the company. I think people should do what he likes. Each of us has something that he can do better. Remember Dante? Who in the last circle of hell? The Creator who is not created!
- What do you believe?
I believe in the law of the boomerang: if you have done someone wrong, it definitely will come back to you. White attracts white, black attracts black. If people all the time says: "there is some rascals, the rascals, the rascals! "I know that he is the same.
- And you would like something in itself change?
- No, but I can change? Clever, beautiful. I do not want to change, in me everything is fine. I'm very pleased for all parameters.
"And what would you advise people who want something to change?
To understand why you want to change it. If you think from a larger bust will change female personal destiny, it is not true, because you can have the most beautiful Breasts in the world and be very unhappy. But if you this is not enough for happiness, collect money and lice themselves implants. Make sure that, in General, this was not necessary, and live on quite happily. I think you just have to understand that you are unique, second to none. Genetic set that you got no got no man. You're the only one in the world, proud of it!
Source:
Our psychology
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