If the child tease

Who attracts aggression


You can, of course, to dismiss. Don't pay, they say, attention. You're not the same, as you call it, right? Well, all was forgotten. Instead it turns out! After all, if a person is easily offended, then he is very insecure - this is the main reason for his unhappiness.




Timidity and shyness originate in early childhood, when the child in any way instilled the idea, if he is not worthy of respect. And when one is not very beautiful day for such a person begin to pour blows, he readily accepts them - not even trying to defend its sovereignty.




In the view of people who are constantly become the target of ridicule, the world initially hostile. This setting, combined with confidence in one's own worthlessness dictates the style of behavior that is perceived prone to acts of aggression by children as the most favourable conditions for the outbreak of hostilities.




Really, who likes to wave his fists, standing near an insecure friend, he immediately meets the eyes of a hunted animal, promising a complete surrender of the enemy without any resistance. Stop! This is an important point. 't get the fight back, the abuser will likely attacks again, and the aggressiveness of some children due to organic lesions of the brain. To absorb any information, they need a strong emotional explosion - for example, a violent reaction to their antics.




Do not rush to sympathize - it is better to teach to communicate




When you see a tease baby, my heart breaks. And if this child is yours... However, psychologists say that the worst thing that can take the adults in this situation is to emphasize the weakness of the child to the outcasts.




The girl teased in the school - house, she mourns his bitter fate with her grandmother. That is totally unacceptable. Of course, the child's vital heat of the parental home, a sense of security, but knowing that relatives take it for what it is, from the tender age, the child must gain actual experience with children. And don't be afraid of defeat!




Don't be afraid to fall. Don't be afraid to be beaten. And, if necessary, to give the abuser delivery - Jungian school of psychology believes this turn of events is quite natural. Of course, it is not necessary to preheat the situation and adjust endure constant humiliation of the child in combat, but he must feel his power, and, if necessary, to be able to stand up for yourself - the more that fear of being beaten is often more dangerous than the actual beating.




It is impossible to master the world, holding mommy's skirt, but the parents of shy children often tend to protect their children from too much friends. In vain! Once the tendency to fear the people (i.e., autosale) appeared to feed her in no event it is impossible. On the contrary, it is necessary to invite the children to himself, and that the child has not suffered from the troubles, to be somewhere nearby. For example, in the kitchen or in the next room - so that its presence does not interfere with the young person to feel master of the situation. Let it communicates, plays, shares, quarrels, reconciled, to decide encountered along the way, problems - in short, mastering a variety of roles that will be useful to him in life.





The reverse side of uncertainty


If the little man never hurts, does not beat and not name-calling, it does not mean that the internal aggressiveness he is not inherent: he could to restrain himself, afraid to get delivery. Or fear of punishment. Or even afraid to look bad! When this child is ashamed of what the revenge was up to his abuser, that is suffering not because of their deeds, but because of Afanasyevna.




Guilt crushes, and to the internal stress relieve, it is necessary to release this evil spirit out of the bottle, letting the child know that his bad thoughts is not rejected. How? Play, draw, listen to bad dreams and history. Summer on the beach to build sand image of unknown creatures. "Look who I got! " - "The evil magician! " - "And you? " - "The angry guy". Let's aggressive fantasies receive material expression in the form of vague sandy images! The child will be easier, his fears slowly begin to recede, the world will become more harmonious. Together with fears will leave the inner aggressiveness, and when that happens, people will cease to attract humiliation.




Psychologists recommend not hide toy guns from configured in combat boys and condemn them for what they play in the war: the repressed aggression accumulates, tormented child, and over time can be transformed into the propensity for suicide. In the game, everything happens for fun, anxiety srivatsa comes the ability to go out of difficult situations.





What to do?


To help the child who is teased, it is necessary first of all to change his self-esteem. To develop a sense of security, trust an adult who is next. It is not easy, and without serious efforts of the parents is necessary.




First of all, let's ask ourselves: what we often do is criticize or praise? One of the tests used by psychologists to determine the relationship of adults and children is the so-called ladder of advantages and disadvantages.




First, parents are encouraged to draw a staircase negative traits of the child (the upper level is a major disadvantage, then in descending order). Then the ladder of virtues. Around each stage to comment on how often manifests a particular quality. Eyes loving parents a pleasant qualities of the baby is several times more than unpleasant.





Tried?


Children who can't fight back aggressively minded peers, in need of support. But if you give them an internal support, they begin to act themselves, and this is the best way out.




No matter how you respond to the aggression of the child, resigned from the role of victim. It doesn't matter if you will answer it at all - the thing she will respond in his soul. That means we need to change attitudes to bullying, which are essentially vicious criticism. As soon as this happens, the weapon out of the hands of the enemy will be knocked out.




The eternal victim, for example, to say: "I don't want to fight, get away. But if the bully is equal to you, why not fight back? ". Psychologists warn against excessive morrisiana and tips type "feel above offenders" - the main thing that the child was acting on impulse and not hoarded a grudge.




One of the very popular ways of helping children suffering from vicious criticism of peers, this so-called provocation of aggression. Her goal is that the child has learned to pass - that is, would like the interaction to which he never solved. In fact, the provocation of aggression is a kind of game teasers - call me names need some toy or even the therapist.




I think it is risky? But because the procedure involved not pubescent kids, not absolute Champions partner among preschool and primary school age, but polite, well-bred children who are not able to adequately respond to violent outbursts peers. They never go beyond the limits of decency. To hear from them more or less suitable turnover, the specialist has to challenge.




When the internal voltage will be poured out and in a safe situation, the child will play with the fact that it hurt, the bitterness of my feelings will be removed. Hanging sword of Damocles threat undeserved evil critics will cease to frighten. People will get a new perspective on things, a new way of response, and if the closest people will daily to maintain his faith in his strength, he gains the internal flexibility and will find their own ways out of difficult situations.

Author:

Sharova E.


Source:

The motherhood.Roux

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