Many parents begin to see a psychologist when their child turns 12-13 years old and the child "suddenly" becomes unruly, headstrong and overly emotional or Vice versa - is not a measure of restrained, closed and depressed.In Russia still see a psychologist, as a dentist, which come only when the tooth is hurting and it's time to put the great seal or even delete it. But the child is not the tooth. It's just so much of my life not going to throw up. For any wealth of the world will not remove it from its fate. However, sometimes to live simply impossible!
Parents say the same thing: "My teen is unbearable! The child seemed to have changed! What happened to him? Please tell me, what do I do? I can't stand it! "
Remember the well-known wisdom Kozma prutkov "Behold the root"? So let's follow his example. Look at the physiology of your child and look at those natural changes that inevitably happen at this stage of development of each child's body, regardless of what is happening around them.
Gather now, dear parents, your attention to reading the next paragraph. Then you will be able to take the place of your child, respectively, and a better understanding of his "obnoxious" teenager. Changes in body I will leave you and so see in all its glory.
So, on a physiological level, the picture is as follows: the process of puberty occurs mainly under the control of the Central nervous system, which includes the brain (which includes the cortex and the subcortex). To 9-10 years in the brain of the child is determined attitude cortex-subcortex. The cortex plays a key role in the regulation of all of the child's behavior. There is a high intellectual productivity, balance emotional expressions, the balance between activation and inhibition. And now, attention! During adolescence, there is a significant increased subcortical activity. Which leads to newseditor, emotional instability, hyperactivity (when the anxiety exceeds the norm)... Know your child?
The first thing that you must take to establish relations with the changed child, it is inevitable changes. The fact that he is not to blame for all these "strange" behavior, irritability, newseditor and emotional outbursts. Your teen can not fully control himself, unless, of course, before that he was not engaged in any sport, two, or better yet, any form of martial arts, or have not attended leadership training for Teens. Not only is he such a "nasty" and capricious, it is also nature! "Contrary" and moodiness caused by age - related changes in the body.
At the social level, more precisely in the society, one of the basic needs (i.e. what it is now imperative) is the feeling of adulthood. If you will take care of it, to control every step, and not explain calmly about his excitement if he does not call you and say where he is and with whom your child will turn away from you and make friends with those who will listen, no matter how bad they may be. And talk with your teenager, you must calmly, smoothly and confidently.
You like it when you shout or will you order? Or command? No? Because you are already adults? So help your child to become an adult too! And if you sincerely want to help him through this difficult adolescence without lesions, with good results, then you have only one option - to understand him and become his friend. Who do you prefer more - those who do not understand and dictates, even "adult" rule, or who accepts you just as you are, and calm, sincere, understanding, unobtrusive offers his help? Or maybe you want to try to go against nature and did not notice? You are an adult you can see yourself, but psychologists don't recommend...
If the teenager does not listen - you cry and claims are unlikely to help make it more manageable. At this age, you must learn to calmly talk to him. After that, you will truly talented diplomat, who will be able to negotiate with anyone about anything. So take my word for it.
Oh, and for dessert - rule "conclusion" contracts with a teenager:
- You agree "on the shore" - before the child go for a walk, visit friends, etc., If you do not have time to agree on time - the train has left. Agree, it is absurd to require the child what not pre-agreed.
- It is necessary to define what is "fine" violation of this agreement. Better to choose the reduction of hours for meetings and trips with friends or spending time on the Internet, or penalty for non-attendance favorite mug, sports clubs. Remember: limiting child, you increase the significance of what he was denied.
In the case of non-compliance with the contract you hard (not severely, but firmly and confidently) remind the child about the terms of the contract and again calmly speak them out loud ("panic" as said Carlson). After that, you pick a day, which is in effect a predetermined fine: without emotion, without celebration, without regret, without a vindictive tone of voice (why emotions - you're an adult, experienced man that has already passed adolescence and is able to restrain myself).
Repeat this technique until full agreement exactly as instructed, no slipping, no pretending, and listening carefully, sincerely sensing teenager as equal to you in the rights of an adult.
The first time can not all go smoothly and that something may not happen, but as you know - practice, practice and more practice!
It is not excluded now your indignation: "it's easy to say, but you try my", "my child isn't - it's impossible to agree", "he still doesn't understand, I know better that he should"... I have worked with teenagers for about 6 years, including 2 years with teenagers from the Commission on minors ' Affairs, and was convinced from experience that this technique is only really working. Of course, if you want to help your child become an adult and independent, and not be eternal "mother's tail. I am sure that you make a wise decision.
Your child needs help. He wants not only to feel like an adult, but to learn how to be an adult, to speak confidently and become a leader among his peers. Help him.
Develop these skills, otherwise he will go after those who will teach him not only leadership, but also bad habits. I'm not just talking about Smoking and drinking alcohol, and even about skipping lessons, meaningless gatherings in the basement.
In addition to cleaning the house and grocery shopping, get it right and good for his age development activities: sports, personal training, mugs on interests.
The habit I want to say: "Patience, you, dear parents! ". But it still is: "Respect you and understanding in communicating with your loved ones, may at times difficult teenager".
Source:
School of life
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