The need for love and care
Lida was surrounded by his loved one, tenderness, care and attention. It seeks to anticipate any desire, often calling to work, worrying about his Affairs, always interested in, not whether your loved assistance, spends half a day in the kitchen, trying to please new items.
She constantly gives him advice about how to dress better, to hair, to behave with friends, colleagues, bosses... Lida absolutely sure she knows what is best for the beloved.
Unfortunately, all the efforts of the girl in vain is man dreams not appreciate her concern. Moreover, its annoying attention Lida, because he considers it too Intrusive behavior.
Actually, Lida gives loved what needs itself. In childhood she lacked attention and care, because her parents were busy with their chores, and now she is trying to bring in adult life, your childhood dreams.
The girl subconsciously puts the partner in his place, not thinking that he might need in an entirely different attentions. The young man considers it excessive care and begins to tire of the relationship.
Lida continues to generously show their love, not knowing "what else do you need these men? ". So do parents who are struggling to give their children all the things that were not their own.
Actually, they try to realize their unfulfilled dreams, not thinking about the fact that children have their own desires.
What to do?
Often people are projecting their inner emotions and desires to the outside world, believing that all around feel the same way as they. That is why we find it so hard to accept the fact that another person doesn't need that to us.
If you feel that your partner feel your love and attention, just ask him what he does not like and why. Find out what he would like actually.
Dialogue is the easiest way to find out the necessary information. Admit that you yourself would like to receive all that is given to the partner, you are waiting for a response, thanks.
If so, just ask him about it, explaining his desires.
If you are the victim undue emotional generosity, thank the person for care and explain what you don't like his behavior, tell me what you feel in this regard.
Do not blame the partner, and talk about what you would like in fact and ask his desires.
The self-esteem
Vika loves his daughter Tanya, she firmly believes that he knows better than anyone what the need. That is why she regularly looking at her computer, phone, and always aware of who meets a girl.
If Vick doesn't like another fan of her daughter, she does everything in order to discourage - calling him, meets him and leads the soul-saving conversation. Unfortunately, my daughter doesn't appreciate her care and is trying to wean themselves from the mother.
First Tanya left home and began to rent an apartment with my friend and then went to live with a guy who soon found himself behind bars on charges of fraud.
Vic stopped to chat with a girl because he thinks that her daughter is ungrateful selfish. Despite this, all the talk Wiki friends are reduced to discussing her daughter to tears and complaints on it.
In fact, such intervention in the private life of another person says that the life of the Wiki is empty and lonely. Constantly pushing daughter and controlling her every step, she feels it necessary and important.
However, it turns a blind eye to their problems, loneliness, unfulfilled desires and dreams.
"Ingratitude" and "bad behavior" daughter allow Vick to justify his inaction against herself, because she is all the time you need to worry about my daughter, for myself no time!
What to do?
To begin to answer the following questions:
- Solve some of their problems you will avoid, as much detail delving into the life of another person?
- What are you afraid of making your husband, child dependent on you? Most likely, your main fear is the fear to be alone with him.
If you yourself are not realized in life if you have no other sources of emotions, in addition to the care of relatives, it is likely that you will strangle them with his love, and they will rebel against your home tyranny, sometimes making the most inappropriate actions.
Unfortunately, in such cases, he doesn't want to see their problems, because he had for so long been looking for a way to close our eyes. Often, in order to decide to do with their lives, need professional help.
If you have noticed that has changed my life by solving other people's problems (mostly invented by you), find the strength and release the other person, shifting the focus of attention is on themselves and their life.
Believe me, once you find harmony with yourself, realize your dreams, you feel that you need to themselves and cease to meddle with his obsessive concern for loved ones, and your relationship will improve, the resistance will stop.
If your relatives will need your help about it they will ask themselves.
If you have been trapped in hyperopic, then the only way to get rid of it is to become an independent person. It is quite possible to do without rebellion and extreme.
Explain that you're all right, that you are an adult and independent person and able to cope with their problems themselves. Tell me, what are grateful for the support, but if you need help, you ask for it.
Try to really solve their own problems, distance yourself from caring, gently stopping any attempts to interfere in your life.
Often offer too caring help, take the initiative - thus you will show that you are capable of taking care not only about themselves but also about others. Repeat that it is very appreciate his concern and that is why you want to answer the same.
So, you shift the focus of his attention in the direction of their own problems, not yours.
The need for power
Igor's mother worked all my life for a serious leadership positions. She is used to control everyone and everything. When a son married, she just retired. Here began.
First, the mother offered their help in cleaning the apartment, washing and cooking. When the wife of Igor said that they handle themselves, the mother got angry.
She began to come secretly, she had the keys to the apartment of the son), pick up dirty clothes, bring food, to move in their own way all sorts of stuff and complain Igor on the bad character of his wife, repeating that must be confident that her son is well fed and live in comfort.
Started scandals. When the couple the child was born, mother had murdered the wife of Igor their tips on caring for a baby.
She always knew everything better than anyone, it was terribly annoyed that her opinion son's wife ignores. It was clear to all - momma Igor wants to make life easier for a young family.
But the wife... of course, wants to separate the son from his beloved mother!
Actually, Igor's mother accustomed to command, and retired immediately switched to the family son, where he continued to behave as a leader.
The desire to command, fear of losing power over the son (as it is, he now listens to another woman! ) forced her to take obsessive care and to engage in conflict, instead of have really needed the help.
The desire for total control also occurs in people who from childhood had been very dependent on parents and wanted to escape from under their care. Children helplessness often turns into fear of losing control.
Such a person will worry about everything, constantly tretera their home tips, calls, nagging and Hyper. It will require constant report from each member of the family, after all, only keeping everything under control, he feels confident.
What to do?
If you have relentless thirst for power, then point it in the right direction - do career, politics, business, personal projects, etc., In General, all those where your powerful nature can be useful.
Realizing your ambitions at work, at home you don't want to command.
Unfortunately, along with the controller is very difficult. Need to have a very stable mind, whole and strong character to withstand his head.
His concern, he makes you completely helpless person, which in turn enables him to manipulate you and to feel its power. Learn to take only the care you need, and resolutely reject what you annoying.
It doesn't need scandals, will only need patience in explaining what you accept and what is not.
Increased anxiety
Sasha constantly worries about his family and friends. She tries to protect them from all possible problems, ranging from colds and ending with the end of the world.
She considers herself responsible for everything that happens in their life and therefore is constantly in a state of anxiety and worry.
Relatives laugh over it and did not appreciate her care and men flee as from fire.
There are people who by nature are very anxious and worried. They try to prepare for all of the events in my life, because any abnormal situation can unsettle.
Feel a bit better and less worried helps them plan, control and care. To be sure of loved ones, they will call them a hundred times a day, carefully warn of possible dangers, to talk about how behavior in different situations, even if it is a plain turning on the gas stove.
Infinite: "have you eaten? "you got an umbrella? "you remember the visit to the dentist? "you will not be late for work? ", "on the roads is dangerous, be careful" is able to ruffle any adult.
And all because of this concern, people begin to feel retarded. "She holds me for an idiot, just think that I forgot how to turn on the stove? Or just considers himself smarter than others? "--just about any thoughts on victim care.
Often the response to such care is irritating, petty carping - finding weaknesses in the all-knowing and caring partner, his opponent tries to restore his self-esteem..
What to do?
Try to distinguish between care and concern. The concern is when you think about the needs of another person and assume that they may not be similar to yours. Anxiety is the ego-sense is designed to lull your anxiety.
Recognize that near you live a healthy, adult and responsible people who are able to make independent decisions. Your anxiety is your problem, and other people are not obliged to suffer.
So take control of your emotional state, and this will refer to a psychologist or self-learn methods of dealing with fears.
If this alarming man lives next to you, then the only thing you can do is to reassure him.
Thank you for your attention and care, tell them that you will cope with all by yourself, do not let worries and doing his thing. But if you need his help, you immediately about it and let you know.
It seems to us that caring for a loved one, we show our love. But sometimes the care is becoming one of the strongest tools of manipulation. Obsessive concern can destroy even the most beautiful relationship.
This occurs when making something for a loved one, you are targeting on its own, not his desires, believing that only you can know exactly what he needs. A man is very important to feel right, otherwise disturbed picture of his ideal world.
But next time, before you spring it on someone your care, think whether it is a loved one. Learn to separate your desires from others, and to do this, begin to listen and hear their loved ones.
Source:
Female passion
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