To the above signs of a child's nervousness can even add obsessive fears that make a child fearful and anxious; hysterical behavior when the child is trying to draw attention to themselves - whether it's rolling on the floor or screaming; sleep disturbance (difficulty falling asleep, razdeleny, superficial sleep), tearfulness (nagging), enuresis (bedwetting), Masturbation, nervous tics, aggressive or hostile behavior, difficulties in establishing friendly contacts with peers and adults, timidity and painful shyness. The child may be just a few of the above symptoms, but if they interfere with him to live a normal life and grow, then you need to consult a neuropsychiatrist - all signs of nervousness or anxiety.
Nervousness is generally not considered a serious problem that merits intervention. Nervous all - adults and children: life, say so. And yet offer to penetrate deep into this mysterious language, and to understand what makes children to "this life".
Causes of neurosis
First of all, note that experts in the field of Psychoneurology do not share the common view that nervousness is a minor problem. According to. And. Zakharova, known child neuropsychiatrist, "neurosis is a disease that affects important aspects of personality, the system of relationships in the family and then with peers and other adults. The cause of neurosis are emotionally pointed, essential for the child's feelings with which he cannot help himself because of age immaturity of the psyche, the intensity of traumatic exposure or unresolved circumstances. In most cases, these circumstances will be the attitude of parents as the most important persons itself and psychological atmosphere in the family, which is inextricably linked to the life of a child". In other words, the nervous symptoms, the child will not simply appear, and for a specific and good reason, and the reason for this, in most cases, is in the family. In contrast to healthy children in the family are looking for protection and support for the nervous child family is a source of worry and anxiety, t.to. it happen traumatic to the psyche of the child events.
Neurotization of the child may occur already in the so-called prenatal period, i.e. before birth. A pregnant woman, for some reason acutely experiencing her pregnancy, is not coping with his restless, anxious, dissatisfied with the state, on the hormonal level passes the fruit of the same feelings that adversely affects the formation of his neuro-regulatory systems. After the birth of a baby often flinch from the noise and sleeps restlessly, easily tired, not tolerate bright light, heat, loud noises, it reduces the overall immunity. It is understandable - it would have been strange if nervous mothers were born calm children. Therefore, noticing the child's inadequate nervous manifestations, it is not necessary to ask a rhetorical question - where did he get it? and, first, to draw attention on yourself and your family life.
What is most unnerving children?
First, the inversion of roles in the family when the mother masculine harsh and demanding, and the father of a woman soft and indecisive little or participates in family life. This distorted the behavior of people usually bring from their parent families. Role reversal occurs in an intact family where the mother refers to children so strictly and fundamentally, as if it was the father, does not recognise any weaknesses. It dominates in the family, competes with his father and can't give children warmth. Then the only way of emotional communication with the mother become neurotic reactions, like persistent fears, obsessive strange cough, unexplained abdominal pain. Such reactions can attract the attention of mom and mitigate its formal relationship to the children. As an example, one familiar 4-year-old boy: as soon as the mother had taken him to task, he began involuntarily to cough. She, knowing he was weak and afraid of any disease, he immediately switched on and it became to him soft and forgiving: the coughing passed.
In General, boys are more prone to neurosis, when the family was dominated by the mother. This can be explained by the fact that if there is no overt marital conflict, mother "earn" the son, seeing in it a continuation indecisive and weak husband.
Portrait of a nervous parent of the child
So, let's try to draw a generalized portrait of the parent who by virtue of their personal characteristics shatters the nervous system of your child. First, this parent inherent increased emotional sensitivity, a tendency to "close to take to heart every little thing, it is easy to come up in the excitement. The second distinctive trait - anxiety and mood instability (mainly in the direction of its reduction). In addition, it should be noted the inconsistency of personality, the divergence of feelings and desires (he doesn't know what he wants), dominance, self-centeredness (the fixation on their point of view) and hypersociality (high integrity, utrirovannoe sense of duty, the difficulty of compromise). This explosive mixture is supplemented with self-doubt, issues of personal self-determination, internal dissatisfaction with themselves and their lives.
The most common mistakes parents
Involuntary payment of their unfulfilled feelings and emotions. For example, fear of loneliness, the mother starts to "choke" the autonomy and individuality of the child and his Hyper. Or nervous tension after a hard work poured in his stall in the form of shouting and physical punishment.
Projection of their personal problems on children. This is when adults credited or blamed children that are actually inherent to the parents themselves. We can say that parents don't see their own flaws, but I see them in the child, asking him what we ourselves are not the example.
The discrepancy between word and deed. That is when parents say one thing and do another (not good to lie, but when calling the wrong time friend, tell him I'm not home), thus showing the inconsistency and the duality of his personality. It is worth mentioning this factor of neurotic children, as the lack of older originality personality development of children. Parents, without common ideas about child development, may, for example, to consider the child's stubborn when it comes to the preservation of the natural feelings of self-worth. Or parents think that the child does not want to fulfill their requirement (be careful to eat in a year or two), and he just can't do it because of their age.
The rejection of the child. This is due to any reluctance to have children at all, or the premature appearance of it. To a large extent this is reflected in the condition of the child in the first years of life, when the baby is most needed emotional-warm attitude moms. Rejection is one of the causes of many fears in children. This problem often occurs in young mothers, who have a poorly developed sense of motherhood. Apparent failure early failure of the mother from breastfeeding, early placement of a child in a manger or transfer their relatives or nanny; discontent and irritation in respect of themselves and their children, the prevalence of negative assessments concerning the nature of the child, to distrust the emerging children's life experiences, extreme forms of connivance or, on the contrary, oppressive upbringing.
The mismatch of requirements and expectations of parents and the needs of children. It is the leading pathogenic factor causing psychological stress in children. Not sweet to have those children whose parents value ambitious and in addition emotionally ignorant - they can just saturate" child nagging and ridicule.
All of the missteps of the parental relationship is not to enumerate. It is clear and so is the health of a child's nervous system is in our hands. It must constantly be aware of and not to make children hostage to our personal problems.
Source:
Women's portal of Belarus
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