Our crisis is the result of what we tried to use the strategies required in the greenhouses," school and Institute.
School taught us not only the reactivity, but also the fact that there is some external scale, which we appreciate, and it is much more important than our internal. So, for example, undeserved good score us much more than undeserved bad. Although it should be the opposite: to know the subject, even when the teacher you "knocks", still better than nothing don't know even when you "pull".
In addition, since childhood we compare with others (see Masha all the time helps around the house, and Peter learns on grades). And nobody cares what she Troeschina, and he beloruska. No. At school be like Peter, home - like Masha. School days are long behind us, and we are still looking at Mary with Peter, hear about career success Vova and about a good marriage Natasha, envy creative realization Genis and carefree life Seeds. And feel excellent losers on their background.
But except for our buddies and acquaintances there are success stories, shows about celebrities, movies, in which after an hour of screen hardships hero gaining recognition, wealth and life partner, which is removed on a motorcycle into the sunset... it is Interesting that these actors, while they themselves will not be over forty, is not immune from such problems. Brad pitt in one of his interviews, he admitted: "When I turned 30, I said to myself: all that there's no excuse. I must know what I want". If he has such difficulties, what to take with me.
Senior will not understand us. They think we are spoiled generation. "Yes, if I have your age... " they say. - You have so many opportunities... " This, incidentally, may well be part of the problem. We have a hundred-about-like features, and all of them are potentially achievable. After all, anyone can be anyone - the great American dream, thanks to Hollywood has gradually grown to the great world of dreams.
We can feel the pressure of the "schedule for success" - a kind of modern version of the myth of the hero. In 7 years we go to school, 18 - Institute, 22 finishing it up, and in the 30 we already have a family, career, child; we have held as professionals, creatively implemented and surrounded by friends; we earn enough, we have our own apartment and possibly your business, car, spend a vacation in exotic places. It is not said exactly how to achieve all of this for 7 - 8 years, we feel that such successes are waiting for and from us. But even worse, we expect from ourselves, and although we can see that most of the people that surround us, to this high standard and has not held. But they - not us! We're very good in the makings... - substitute his own, and therefore we definitely deserve a better fate.
Age steadily gets to thirty, and, looking back, we realize that this is not what we dreamed of when we were 20. Moreover, significant changes in the near future and is not expected.
We ask ourselves: was it all? But to answer yourself not in a hurry, because if the answer is "Yes", it means that someone here loser.
Juggling one ball
"Life is a juggling five balls. They are called work, family, health, friends, and spirituality. Work is a rubber ball, when dropped, it will bounce back. The rest of balloons - glass. If you miss them, it will be potholes and cracks, and if no luck - alone pieces. In any case, after the fall they will never be the same as before. You need to understand it to find balance in my life." It is said Brian Dyson, CEO of Coca-Cola, people have long passed and for the quarter and for the half.
1. Health
For Junior courses every night we went in two and woke up at seven-thirty fresh as the may Lily of the valley, and wondered what fool came up with, what you need to sleep for eight hours (we now know is a working fool about thirty years), and after drinking any weight we were raised not later than noon.
2. Friends
School, College friends, classmates, party and an ever-expanding network of acquaintances and friends of friends that don't even fit in the phone book. If you didn't want to spend the evening alone, there were dozens of candidates to brighten up a dozen places and events where it was easy to meet someone interesting. Now College friends went to old hangouts you like a bit too old, and all the time eats. We work with people whose lives run as pebbles on the beach, they have dead eyes, and we don't want to do with them (largely because they themselves are afraid of becoming such). At the end of the day there are no forces somewhere to get out again tomorrow to get up early. And here we are only a phone conversation with the same friend working ("I'd like to meet... ") Yes the hour of the evening "Vkontakte".
3. Family
Before us was enough just sex, and now we begin to have a serious think about something greater. But still don't understand, really want to give it its freedom. And most importantly, if Yes, with whom? On the horizon there is no one suitable, but if someone suddenly appears similar, we confused: scared to say "no", it may be a better option will be gone, but "Yes" to say too scary - after all, a Prince or Princess can wait for us just around the corner. As for the sex, then, hand on heart, it could be more... for Example, as in the third year.
4. Spirituality
After teenage anxieties about "why are we here" and the meaning of life we forgot to think about it. But now, suddenly begin to feel existential emptiness (where am I going? to whom is it all necessary? ), and attempts to seal it all esoteric gum to anything nor lead. In this hole goes a lot of our forces from the global meaninglessness discouraged, and about sacramental "is it? " breaks many of our endeavors. We do not know exactly who we are, and not too understand where we are going...
None of us wanted to rush, and we want some stability. But we are not ready to settle anyhow. If our parents work is what brings the money, we need to feel the value of what we do. We want our family was not just a social unit, and a space of mutual love and support, and the child is not a tribute to tradition or the assignment of the biological clock, and the result of a conscious desire to be a parent.
5. Work
Can there be different. Perhaps the first real work we chose not particularly picky. After all, these people are ready for us to take right out of University without any experience and are willing to pay, what more. If wages were enough to afford to rent a private corner, the joy and pride of our no bounds...
Over time, the optimism faded. It became clear that with our responsibilities can handle anyone who is able to read and write, our ability are needed, the work is meaningless.
To get a better job, the experience required, the only way is to start from the bottom and "attain" to improve. Coveted places are already occupied, and these people are still not going anywhere. On the other hand, if you change jobs, then in another place again have to start from scratch... This ball until it bounces off, every time you have to bend down to pick it up from the floor.
Although suddenly you are lucky and you have quickly built a career, got the apartment, dishwasher and all sorts of savings only to find out that success does not guarantee happiness, because in your life there is no room for love, friendship and entertainment. It feels as if you are standing in the circle of the spotlight and crumple in the hands of this wretched rubber ball, wondering how to juggle them one.
Work might be the center around which revolves all other life... if it's there. Seven years is a too short period to achieve notable success in all life fronts. And in order to feel like a failure, it is enough to fail at least on one of them. No matter what.
If you know of peers who had achieved just about anything you dream, try to pull it on straight talk. Can learn a great deal. For example, you feel like a loser because they are forced to live with parents, time income from your favorite things does not allow you to rent a room. But maybe your neighbor's party coming to the reunion in a brand new BMW, suffers because he does not see any sense in his prestigious high-paying job. Or you've spent the last couple of years my husband and child, and now you are oppressed, that literally all women around - established experts. But it is very likely that they in turn envy you.
Step
The crisis is not a stick, which inserts us into the wheel of life. It is rather a question that she asks us. Approaching 30, we know who we are not. It's time to finally understand who we are and what we want to become. And to accept the fact that someone already will not.
The way that we make things up, similar to the school curriculum in literature, to master it entirely impossible physically. Want do not want (I sure don't want), but something will have to give.
We constantly do. For example, every hour on the work, is an hour taken away from recreation, personal life or a creative project. Every time, making a choice in favor of something from something else we automatically refuse. It's time to start doing it more consciously.
It's time to determine where among the things that they want from us, what we want. What purposes we decide to give energy, and that as a result will leave on the second plan.
Having achieved moderate success in each of these five areas, you will be much happier than if you completely dedicate yourself to a pair of them and completely run all the others.
This sounds not so easy, but the reality is more complicated. Now for the first time, death and old age have ceased to be something abstract, we are faced with the fact that life is not infinite, and hence the number of attempts is limited. And now we are afraid to make a mistake and choose the wrong path, and because in any case, try not to choose anything. Until we are sure.
So now, and to grow old at a crossroads? The more that truly irreversible decisions in our life not so much. Take doubt, take the alarm. Still you can no escaping them.
This turning point - a kind of farewell to his youth, when a whole life ahead and all the roads are open. Choosing one of them, even the best, we automatically refuse all others, leave this intoxicated by the possibilities that we love young years. But we still have to do it, otherwise our crisis first quarter of risks to gradually develop into a midlife crisis.
And even though we can't predict how it will all happen, but we have an unprecedented opportunity to influence. It is only necessary to understand that what is happening now is not waiting for: a good job, the right partner, good luck, inevitable success or until you finally understand myself... This is not a preparation for real life. It is already a life.
After all, twenty-five - it's not the end of life. You barely exceeded a quarter.
Yes, no, not sure
1. Dissatisfied with their work?
2. Feel nostalgic for school and student life?
3. Don't know what you want?
4. Feel meaningless aspirations of their peers?
5. What you're doing is useless?
6. Disappointed in their abilities and skills?
7. Your previous successes do not seem valuable?
8. Lost contacts with school and College friends?
9. Apartment, if you can afford it, eats the most income?
10. Sex little or no?
11. Not enough friendships and romantic relationships?
12. Feeling lonely and depressed?
13. Strongly myself don't like?
14. Understand that your youth is not infinite?
15. Your peer group was more successful than you?
Source:
Our psychology
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