Remember the dialogue from the film "the Most charming and attractive"? "And you married out of love or calculation? ""I always do everything only by calculation". "The settlement in this case? No, only love! " Heroine Larisa Udovichenko, who announced the settlement in marriage, once aroused even hostility. Today, her words are perceived differently: psychologists believe that the calculation strengthens the Union of two people.On the passion will not last long
Why marriages, which seemed to be made for love, will be short-lived? The answer is simple: the thing is, what kind of love we often take very different feelings. And when these feelings go away, man and woman become strangers to each other. For example, often we call love...
Passion
As a rule, involved in this marriage transient - go to the registry office within a week after they met. The conflict in these families dare not "treated" sex. Relations between the spouses are built on it, and when the passion cools, the pair is broken. However, if the partner was an interesting person or husband and wife have a common cause, such a marriage will remain for some time. When spouses - people and cultural well-mannered, divorce takes place quietly and painlessly. But not always, because the passion inherent in the people a special emotional type, who do everything passionately and love each other, and fight.
Marriage love
And if love is in love does not escalate, the Union will be unhappy. Spouses do not want to change anything, apologizing, saying, where you will find better, and the kids grow up... Hold on such a pair of common goals - for example buying a car or parenting.
Spouses do not love and tolerate each other as husband and wife, there are only conditionally. Conflicts are not solved and removed according to the principle "it is better not to touch", "don't be evil". Marriages in love break up, as soon as someone of the couple meets another person.
Love, as a rule, one can say, if under the crown are a man and a woman of Mature age. But such marriages bit. Spouses in this case, the world is real, and they live by the principle: do as he / she wants a partner, because I love him and want to see happy. Conflicts are resolved constructively - husband and wife, it is important to deal with the problem, and not to come out the winner. By the way, if a person really loves another, the question of marriage - this is pure calculation on the conservation of feelings and individuality of each partner. Because each of the future spouses is likely to be very long weighed all the pros and cons before making a serious decision.
Marriages last longer marriages for love. Precisely because of the calculation, the man or woman who want to modify something that is not happy in the marriage, or to change their attitude to it. And even if one of the spouses busy career, and because they are rarely seen and even more rarely have sex, they are quite happy and not satisfied with the scandals due to the fact that pay each other a little attention.
From the calculation to the great feeling - one step
The calculation may be different. For example, walking down the aisle, a woman can pursue such a goal: "I go for this man to marry, because it will give me the opportunity to be loved and our children will grow up in love". As a rule, such marriages are the most durable. But this is not the only example of the calculation, there are others: the desire to get married money, fame, status, desire to leave the country, married a foreigner, pregnancy, fear of loneliness. The phrase "marriage of convenience" causes negative emotions, as it involves manipulation of man. But in such marriages have a high feeling. It can occur in those families where the couple like each other; treat each other with respect; one of the spouses have no desire to take revenge on the other for their marriage.
A man and a woman, experiencing mutual sympathy is with great pleasure that will play the role of spouses and, as a consequence, longer time to be together. And this often leads to the fact that between them is love. It turns out that the correct calculation to love - one step!
Brings together the General idea, and not the children
- Common interests - one of the recipes for a happy family life. Whether it's kayaking or buying carpets - it is important that interested both spouses. Men or women formed the attitude: "People infected with the same idea as mine, I'm cute".
- But the children do not bring spouses is an illusion. Moreover, over time they can become a tool of manipulation. Often you can hear from the man: "Why did you give birth? I didn't ask! " Children who have witnessed such scandals are experiencing psychological trauma.
- As for the money, it all depends on the situation: a woman who marries a wealthy man, the easier the role of the second plan, than the man who marries a successful woman. In such families, sooner or later, but the problems begin. It turns out that the woman "buys" her husband, implying that he is weaker. This change of roles and settings and provokes conflicts.
According to the observations of psychologists, about 60 percent of women aged from 28 to 40 years old married on the calculation. While the welfare of the partner interested in them not in the first place. First of all in this marriage women looking for psychological comfort and reliable relations. However, men over 40, who married, expect to find in a wife not just a sex partner, but also understands each other.
Source:
Portal for ladies
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