You might think that the article is aimed at exposing the stronger sex. This is only partly true. The goal is to help women better understand their men and save your nerves. The boys from childhood each other learn tactics of manipulation. And then try them on women. Mature person doing it less frequently. But many men think that the end justifies the means and the winners are not judged. Judge, and their weapons, alas. In the family of the little "tricks" result in big problems. The first step to a happy family - the refusal of the Jesuit tricks. How? To begin to understand why he uses them. Gradually, his behavior can be corrected. So, reasons:
Fear to feel guilty. Even if she caught him at the crime scene, he in all possible ways try to get out. Your algorithm steps:
- if it is one hundred percent guilty, then put before the fact with a clear statement: "it's your fault because... " the Allegation was made and no need to resort to trickery to bring you the arrows;
- if his guilt is not obvious, but he is afraid of the charges, it will start to prepare. And will try to blame you. Salvation: "I don't blame you, you're in this situation right, but... "
The fear to lose in a dispute. When he didn't have enough arguments or he understands that a woman's rights, it seeks to make her angry. The dispute turns into a scandal and the woman is declared incompetent, with which we cannot agree.
Another move to come out the winner, is confusing. They master to confuse, to lead the conversation to the side, then to triumphantly declare, "what is with you women to take? Do not understand! "
Provocation
These techniques are intended to provoke you to inadequate, from his point of view, reactions. The best way to respond is peace of mind.
It seems to me that you... Manipulator (aka the man. - Ed.) plays a psychic who can read thoughts. "You think I'm wrong", "You think I'm trying to convince? You're wrong", "you think so, but this is different... " You ascribe thoughts and plans and begin to expose you on this basis. Or build on supposedly your thoughts that argument. Attempts to argue: "I don't think so! " - lead to nothing. And further more - you can feel that unwillingly caused scandal.
Way to fight. A clear question will break built strategy manipulator: "And why you did so? "
What is more important to you? "What is more important to you: to achieve or maintain a family? To go or the health of our children? " Anyway you look unattractive. It is such a vile provocation, which discussed the question immediately overwritten, and in turn becomes heavy artillery emotions and tears.
Way to fight. Not respond to these statements at all! As if anything offensive is not said.
You always, everywhere, at all... method of generalization is used by men as a powerful bargaining chip in dispute and to bring you out of yourself. Generalizations are of three types: the place - "anywhere, everywhere". "You're everywhere so badly behave! "says provocateur, forcing you to rush: "Where am I so mean? " All the matter in dispute is forgotten, discussed your person. On time - always, never". "You never about me not care! You are always dissatisfied with everything! "he says, and here you already feel guilty instead. The man - "all, none, every". "Everyone says you're wrong! " - he throws in as the last argument.
Way to fight. To deal with this difficult, but possible.
1. Not to succumb to provocation and to remain calm.
2. To specify: "Where I behaved badly? ", "Check, please, when and how I was unhappy? ", "Who believes that I am wrong and why? " Provocateur falls into his own trap. Or he starts to remember who, when, where, or waving all by hand.
It's her fault. The more people makes mistakes and feels bad about it, the more he wants to dump the blame on the other. But someone fighting it in himself and solve his problems by himself, and someone (presumably, again man? - Ed.) all sins blames weaker, his wife. Our consultant psychologist Elena Dobrobabenko told the story of how came to her client, which betrayed husband. The client decided to leave. And when her husband saw that the entrance has a machine with things, he was scared. Called her to talk to, and... accused that it has destroyed the family and pushed him to commit adultery. And so he became that woman felt guilty and left. Needless to say that the behavior of the spouse has not changed.
Way to fight. This technique can act in case you have low self-esteem. The only way to counter is to start to raise it and to respect themselves.
Deceptions
Deceptive tactics men use ostensibly to avoid squabbles and unpleasant conversations. And actually working with them excitement: "Oh, how cleverly I have been fucked over! "
I decided a long time ago... This technique is called tricky word "presupposition". When discussing the man switches the focus from the painful question on a minor. Example: you have agreed to go with him to his parents in the output. And he wants to meet friends, but know that you have these meetings do not like. What does he do? Say, "You know, my friends decided to meet on Sunday. Let's deal with parents that will come to him on Saturday." In other words, it tells you that everything is resolved and the only thing that remains is a conversation with the parents. You are expected to be two reactions, and both are satisfied with it. Or nag you, it is not good to pull parents and it is better to put everything, or go to them on Sunday alone.
Way to fight. Listen carefully to everything he says. Don't be fool by the form of presentation of information. In our case we need to ask: "Maybe to start is to discuss the feasibility of the meetings with friends? "
I have not heard anything. Tactics to ignore inconvenient questions and arguments - an easy way to avoid responsibility."I haven't heard," he says.
Ways of dealing. If he does not hear you and continues to talk about her, ask him to stop for a moment and calmly, clearly ask your question. If you are not sure that he had heard you saying "did You hear what I said? Repeat, please." Zabaltyvaet discussion uncomfortable question - tell me about the following: "I ask you to discuss this with me, it is important for me, come meet me, a lot of the time it will not take, listen to me! "
Change the order of items
The basis of these manipulations is the right emphasis.
Your own body! This technique is used by many men, even unknowingly. It would seem, what could be easier than to say, "Yes, I'm guilty, drunk! " But, apparently, it is easier for them to apply the information in this light: "Yes, I was drunk, and you won the Cup had not washed! And generally you're so and so! "
Way to fight. Put emphasis on their place: "But you're still as drunk, isn't it? "
It, I have nothing to do with... Impersonal form is also an easy way to escape responsibility for their actions. Here are two sentences: "I broke the lock and the Lock was broken". In the first case he is guilty and can probably offer help fixing. And in the second it all happened by itself. Some men abuse this manipulation even where it becomes funny. Not "I seduced her, and she took me warm when I was drunk and didn't remember anything". Men who often use this logic explanations of events, in our opinion, not fully matured to adulthood. With them it is better not to reach for a serious relationship.
Way to fight. Check his personal role in this event: "what did you done that the lock was broken? "
I have a request... Universal acceptance of many men. About their desires to talk directly: "I want you did so-and-so... " - and serve as another way to not be. - Compare offers our consultant psychologist Elena Dobrobabenko, - two requests. First: "I want to ask you". And the second: "I have a request." Such is independent from any thing, please. That is, in fact, who asks for something to do, he is nothing to ask. The request becomes an objective reality that well cannot be ignored. Way to fight. Ask the question: "what did YOU want to ask me? "
Our response
If you understand that your husband is an incurable manipulator, then perhaps you have a moral right to use some tricks. Here is this in General a safe method of manipulation.
"Carthage must be destroyed" - and so ended every speech by one Senator in Ancient Rome. When came the time of the decision on this issue, the Senate without debate, voted to send troops to Carthage.
How to use this technique in your life? For example, you want to teach the husband to some useful thoughts, or that it is without dispute agreed on some your project. "In September, when are we going to rest... " you say in April. And then I repeat the same thing two or three times in may, June, July and August. Most importantly, do not allow for the discussion. Just make your thoughts up in the air. By September he will go for vouchers.
Author:
Ogneva So
Source:
Komsomolskaya Pravda
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