Quarrels, flirting on the side and lies are totally unacceptable in a happy marriage. But let's look at things realistically, we all from time to time fight, flirt and tell lies, but sometimes these forbidden techniques can make spouses closer, and the marriage stronger.
Flirting on the side
It is believed that flirting is a straight expensive to change. For some, this is treason. But the truth is that an innocent flirtation with a foreign man can strengthen a marriage. When you flirt, mood and confidence. You feel young and attractive as when you first met her husband. It's no secret that spouses who have lived together for even two or three years, get used to each other and begin to perceive your other half for granted. If the husband sees that other men have the attentions of his wife, this is not always a bad thing. Easy jealousy signal, which will help my husband to verify that the wife should not be treated as property, which was given to him once and for all. For years of happy marriage, the spouses forget about how lucky they are. A little flirting and a twinge of jealousy - the best way to remind each other about the forgotten.
But where is the end of innocent flirting and begins direct road to treason? Psychologists advise: if you think you perfect your act or words hurt your husband, whether he is near, then you crossed the line. If you do and say that can easily repeat it, it's all right. And most importantly be honest with yourself. Why do you flirt? Because you want to shake things up a bit? There is nothing to worry. But, if you are in the morning preparing to meet a cute colleague, this flirting can get you too far.
Love yourself
We all know that the Golden rule for a happy marriage is the ability to compromise. The ability not to insist on his own and make a step forward - that's what kept the relationship. But think about it: the compromise is not necessarily a situation where one of the spouses makes a step towards the other. A compromise may be different: today you are doing everything the way he wants your husband, and tomorrow things will be yours. Perhaps, in an ideal world, the couple make the same number of steps towards each other. On Saturday afternoon you will have lunch with my husband's parents, and on Saturday night he will accompany you to the theatre. In reality it is not so. Maybe you surrender more and spouse less, or maybe just the opposite. It is impossible to count the number of these small steps towards each other.
In addition, some of the things you can not imagine, even if you really want to please each other. They can only ask, because people, unfortunately, can't read your mind. So, do not wait for favors from the spouse, and just take what you need and do not suffer remorse. Of course, all you need to know the measure. We do not encourage you to spend holiday dress all that was deferred on a family vacation. But, if you are together going to visit, and her husband delayed at work, do not expect it, go to a friends one and have great fun. If the spouse is not able to fix the broken door of the Cabinet, call a locksmith. Do as you wish! And don't feel to blame for it. The wife in all respects better dissatisfied - this will tell you of any man.
Disputes
If you want to spoil the relationship, they start to investigate. Taking into account this folk wisdom, many couples try to avoid any disputes and smooth out the corners as possible. The end is? Typically, one spouse still does not stand up and breaks involving another in a quarrel. And here it POPs up all offenses which have been accumulating since the wedding. If couples never argue, this does not mean that they have no disagreement. Maybe they just don't know how to find the right words and they fear the consequences. Meanwhile, the dispute is natural for marriage. You love each other, very close, but you're a different person.
Perhaps it was mutual differences and seem so attractive when meeting. And if you look at some things differently, this does not mean that you are each other don't get. Psychologists sometimes compare the differences with the clog in the sink: if the water pipe is clogged, you clean. And first you have to remove a lot of dirt, but then the water will flow easily and freely. The same thing happens with the relationship: if you hide the differences, they accumulate, irritation grows and you gradually move away from each other. Of course, even during the constructive dispute we are not always able to negotiate. But in this case you at least understand what is the problem and try to solve it. And the last. During any dispute not forget: you and your husband can have different opinions on many issues, but you still respect and love each other. This is the most important. The rest is detail, which you can always negotiate.
To slam the door
You perfectly understand each other and always talk about their differences. You start to speak very quietly, but you have ten times to repeat the same thing, trying to reach her husband. But he scoffs, then really do not understand what you say to him. And you're shouting, crying and ready to pounce on him with his fists, and it. And the only thing you want to do is to drop everything and run away. Now consider this: why would you really not do it? No, no need to shout that you now take the children and go to mom.
It's just that you can no longer continue this debate, you need to calm down. And tell your husband. Then sit some time alone, go for a walk or send her husband on a walk with children. Each of you takes a little time to think about your conversation, and perhaps to look at the problem from the other side. When you are both angry and shout, are unlikely to agree: emotions are now much stronger ability to think logically. In such situations people are in the heat of the moment, throwing each other in the face of accusations that can't be forgotten for years. But, if each of you will have the opportunity to calm down and think, irreparable won't happen.
When you feel you are no longer able to control yourself, stop. No need to say things you will later regret. In addition, sometimes the man is hard to admit your right. Taking a time-out, you give the indulgence of his offended pride, and at the same time give him time to reflect and propose a solution that will satisfy both of you. If you often and quite emotionally arguing, you can even pre-arrange: if one of you says "stop", the second should not insist to continue the conversation right now. Go to sleep, think and talk later. The main thing is still to return to the unsolved question and not to pretend that there is no dispute did not exist.
False
"No, with this haircut you don't look like an idiot." "Nobody cooks burgers taste better than your mom! " "In our office no normal men". We all from time to time are not telling the truth, because it is easier than to launch into a long explanation, and because we are confident that this will not hurt anyone. Imagine that, meeting you with work, husband sees your colleague is tall, attractive, well-dressed man. "Interesting type, Yes? "asks your husband. And you lost: what next? To agree that the man is interesting, and cause jealousy? Or lie? In fact, asking such a question, my husband does not want to know whether you like the man or not. He wants to know do you still love him, my husband.
Should I be concerned or to worry there is no reason? And if you say: "This type is an awful bore," a man of quiet and peace in the family saved. This lie won't hurt anyone. But only if you really preserve the peace of the husband. If your own words you protect yourself and a colleague with whom you have a novel, a lie is not harmless. In no event it is impossible to lie if the lie can pop up and cause a scandal. Secret too often becomes apparent, and, if you intentionally trying to hide something, the consequences can be devastating. When you cheat in order to avoid quarrels or showdown, get ready for this turn of events: you can bring clean water and then you have to deal not only with the problem that you tried to hide, but with disbelief and spouse. If you fooled him this time, whether he can trust you in the future? Remember this when going to lie in the name of salvation.
4 Council of the happy couples
* talk to each other about love
Psychologists advise to smile, even if you are dissatisfied with something. They also advise you to talk to each other about their feelings, even if you are not configured for a romantic evening together. After a few warm words you will feel better.
* give each other a little freedom
After work each of you have 10-15 minutes to recover. If you sit home with the kids or come home from work before her husband, do not rush to solve the accumulated per day problems, as soon as he crossed the threshold of the apartment... Each person is very important even a few minutes a day to spend in peace and solitude.
* touch and once again touch
Touch make you closer, keeping between your physical relationship. Put your arms around her lover's waist, slide hand through his hair, choclate on the cheek. This is better than the most beautiful of words suggests that he still love.
* do not quarrel over trifles
Most of the things for which we are experiencing, not worth the effort. Before you start a debate, think: is this important? Of course, the fundamental issues need to be discussed. But in detail it is better to give up. Right in the end is the one who is less arguing and nervous.
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