Jealousy and love
In General, the jealousy is incompatible with true love. It's like poison and
the antidote. If you love, then, will be to spare the feelings of a loved one,
will try not to give occasion for causeless jealousy. Either
if it is jealousy all honestly and in detail tell him, will do everything
in order to dispel his doubts. Jealousy has no place where there is love.
the advent of jealousy in the heart of one of the two participants in a love Union
usually takes love.
Of course, I'm not saying that jealousy is quite negative sense.
As in all bad, of jealousy, too, have something good: jealousy
good, when it a little, just a little bit, when it is pleasant
seasoning for fresh relationships. Then jealousy is good, it reminds
the importance of this person to you, it awakens feelings, desire
to possess.
But, as with any condiment if it a lot, jealousy spoil the whole dish. Love it with a passion, and jealousy in moderation.
To cope with jealousy and you can own, without a psychologist, but for
need to buy a lot of books on psychology and himself its master. I
I recommend this purpose books a wonderful Russian psychotherapist,
which can be ordered on his website, and in many
Online stores, Dr. Andrew Kurbatova: his books allow
to gain insight into the mechanism of jealousy, fears, illusions and
to get rid of them.
I book Kurbatova really helped in my life when it was very
bad, so I gladly recommend - I'm sure that if you
carefully read, it will be wiser than they are now, and will be able
to adequately assess themselves, other people, loved ones, their attitude to
life to them.
The best way to get rid of jealousy is to prevent it
the appearance. How? It's very simple. Now it is very fashionable these perversions,
like civil marriages, free relationship, free love and other
Labuda, which is not so much good as harm to really
loving heart.
So, you met a nice young man, you
appearing something like love. Tell yourself "Stop": it's time
find out his opinion about your relationship, as he himself
is, does his understanding of free relationship infidelity
with it and with your hand or not?
This is a very, very important issues that we must explain from the outset,
because then it will be occhini hurt. If not from the very beginning to find out
the attitude of the beloved for marriage, the duties and rights in a civil Union
each one of you, then no reasonable jealousy cannot
to save the relationship.
If the beloved wants you to love and then you change, it means that somewhere
he lies - and most likely in "love" is not love, and
is, until he likes it or until you are satisfied - until
make him showdown, scandals and dressing.
If a loved a lot and essentially (and not just about musah-pus)
to talk, if he speak the most detailed image of any
hurting you questions, then the chances of happiness in this love and relationships
you will be simply enormous.
If you ignore one problem after another, not to make each
friend no one claims that such a weak, "nevyneseniyu" relationship
very soon will be "stillborn". Learn to speak and
talk with your loved one! Learn to work on a relationship,
as at work. Learn to invest in love, invest in it is not
only time, money, and feelings, and warmth, and attention.
Learn to love this great work, which many modern personalities
can not afford because they believe that to build a career is necessary, and here
relations, left to itself, as if by themselves are formed, - whit
not used: nothing from where just not taken and is not going away.
What causes jealousy?
Will global monitoring and spying on your loved one save
relationship? I really doubt that. Especially if paranoia was delayed. Where
often jealous supervision leads to the fact that the object of jealousy understands that
he does not trust, and it starts its creepy to strain, and to remove
voltage... he decided to commit adultery.
We are all human, we're all humans come from the biological world, in which
the ball is ruled by feelings, not logic. And feelings develop according to the laws
of self-preservation that was current when people lived in caves.
Now these are the laws of education of the senses is not completely relevant, all
our fears we don't help to live and survive, and allow them to live and live
happily.
But, alas, the brain operates according to ancient mechanisms, and to get it to work
for our good, and not harm, not very easy - you need to understand
its mechanism of action and to learn to separate my feelings from grain
the chaff.
Unfortunately, our brain works on the principle that it is better to overdo it with
self defense than to neostrata, and have what you have - a lot of fears,
jealousy, anxiety, feeling of insecurity, stress, depression,
poisoned fears life, which, however, is not a pity because it
is no good. If you don't learn to control and understand their
emotions, they are wanting us to warn and protect against threats ancient
the world will reduce if not in the grave, then in a psychiatric hospital. As they say, good
intentions...
Yes, jealousy is very hard to control, but it is possible. As I told
above, there are three proven ways to deal with jealousy: it
psychotherapist, psychology books and reading with your loved one
ALL torture you with questions, complaints, problems, doubts.
Often jealous insecure people who confuse love with
neurotic dependence, called by the people the passion. Again from
neurotic love-relationship-passion treat psychotherapists. And it
to understand that this dependence is akin to drug addiction, and that
such love relationships, but there is a fear to slip off the needle".
Contrast dependence of passion - self
true love.
How to deal with jealousy to the past of a loved one? Not to go there.
This is the only true way to get rid of jealousy, if you're on
a man unsure. What difference that was before
favorite loved you? Life is very cruel and unpredictable, and does
not the fact that what it was before, I repeat with your spouse
the relationship is now, or that she was there, in the past, was better than with you.
Definitely can only say that if you bombard a loved one
nagging about his past, to reproach him with the facts of his past
love life, then surely loved one will grieve
in the past, because it it so subtly was not exhausted and not mocked
over his true feelings as you are doing now, dear
the jealous man.
If you favorite is jealous, we must try not to give him the reins for
of jealousy. And you can also ask, why is he so jealous much - afraid
you lose? Let him tell about his childhood, about relations with
parents. Try to become his home therapist,
together discuss his fears - and then maybe he will get
at least partially. If nothing helps, then ask directly: "You
I'm jealous because changed? Throw the blame with the patient's head
healthy? "
If you are jealous, you realize now that his jealousy you
shorten your love. Try to honestly understand what or
whom you are jealous. Perhaps father you are thrown into the city and you
lost, and now I'm afraid of a repetition of his children's fear.
Perhaps you are jealous of the success of her husband, in which you do not accept
(recall that in the beginning of the article I wrote about the inaccessibility as
the promoter of passion killer and relations).
Perhaps you want to be on top and jealousy only way to put
loved "in place". Perhaps you have not agreed with
loved that you don't have an open relationship, and civil marriage, and now
he considers himself free, and you feel married.
It is possible to cope with jealousy will help you a wise idea that
jealousy is a prophecy that has a habit of coming true. Not
prophesy!
If you will strive to constantly monitor your favorite
man, one day it will become stale, tired, and it is purely out
feelings of protest, to prove to himself that he is worth something too,
will take you and change some stuff.
Do not be jealous of, and prevent treason!
If you want to favorite, you did not change, then change tactics with
its wise to begin to praise your girlfriend because you have it
this loyal, gentle and loving. Learn how to pay compliments favorite,
stop twitching like a cat under the boiling water, when it on your mobile
someone calls - give your favorite freedom of action, conquer it
boundless confidence and earn her faithful love, and then,
believe me, no one your favorite is not going away.
To partner with you has not changed, help him not to seek affirmation in
treason. Because change often from what more do nothing, and
in order to assert themselves, to raise their self-esteem. Find
favorite work can next to him, underline its importance,
compliment, give her the opportunity to feel your
love and affection.
... If jealousy has come true...
If jealousy was justified, then if the feeling shallow,
if it's a passion, it's likely to end in divorce, because
disadvantaged self-esteem rather eloquently.
actually it has its own logic - if a favorite has changed again, so
for the second time to change already will be much easier, because with him he already
agreed, limiting the accuracy of the valves anymore. And perhaps here
there are really meaning to leave.
If, while you and hurt from the betrayal, you don't find the strength
to part with a loved the wrong person, then we must make every effort
so cheating is not repeated. Then well move to let and joint
psychotherapy sessions, which, incidentally, will help you to cope with the pain from
the betrayal. Good and collaborative conversations. Be sure your free
the time together.
Try to become a favorite source of positive emotions, especially
if cheating wife didn't like (and this happens much more often than men
think about it - brand new lover does not know all of the physiological and
mental characteristics of your wife, and therefore cannot fully
to satisfy).
If the wife is not immediately swept out with little things to her lover, then he isn't so
very good, then there is a chance to save everything, the main thing - to find his weak
places and beat them mercilessly, but without fanaticism, so as not to cause
the rejection of the wife, and bring her to the idea that her lover
imperfection diplomatically, gradually.
Moreover, a large part of random change and remains disposable.
This means that the problem is not your favorite person, but you, you
something not received him in a relationship, have missed something, something important
for your loved one did not pay during the attention. Errors must
remember, to fix, to work on them, and then the probability of their
recurrence is significantly reduced.
If your wife sits at home all the time, then help her somehow
realize - let it begin to charity,
own business, get a job. If she gets tired,
think about the change already is somehow less time.
No wonder that smart oligarchs open to their wives boutiques and shops
the sale of flowers - even profit from them zero in financial terms, but in
psychologically a great income to wife no time to think about stupid things
she gets tired, and is one of the working wave with loved ones.
Do not turn into a boring owner, remember that favorite person
- this is not your servant, but independent and interesting people, person,
which can and should help you become a more confident personality,
help him to fulfill your potential, be more happy and successful
man.
Young moms and dads - tip: don't focus on the child and four
the walls, otherwise the loneliness the probability of unwarranted jealousy grows
exponentially multiplied by the time conditionally volunteer
his imprisonment. Be active in social life, and you will see how the reins
for your jealousy melt away.
Remember that jealousy, like gourmet seasonings in a relationship should
to be not much, otherwise it will poison your life. Love. Learn
to trust. Learn to appreciate what you have. Read psychological books
Kurbatova and other psychologists, and in the case of unsolvable problems
feel free to visit the therapist alone or together. Talk to
loved one, talk with him, not blame. Not
manipulate someone and not smarterstats at his expense. Not
sobstvenicite. Do not be jealous, but love and trust.
Source:
ForLove.com.ua
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