How Andrey became sticks
Typical story. "Where's your tail? "the friend asked that Lena met on the street. "Here, where he will be," she said, nodding at the boy, disguised with a new cap and firmly clinging to the back of the hem of her coat. The mother and son went to the gym. Andrew agreed to attend swimming lessons only when the mother's presence in the classroom. While all the other mothers sipped coffee in the cupboard, discussing appearing in fashion heels, Lena soared on the tiled bench, and then odavama joyful splashes. But her fate was not so tragic - girl, four years since the third lesson was forcing his mother to "float" with her: she was standing knee-deep in water in the paddling pool. Cost Lena to leave the room to catch his breath or in the toilet, Andrei started screaming roar, get out of the pool and run around in shorts in the locker rooms in search of mom.
Why? It all began with the fact that Andrei was lost. And not just anywhere, but in aggravated circumstances in the clinic. Lena with her son gone be vaccinated, took place, and then she remembered that he forgot to take the card at the reception Desk. To haul two coats and Andryushka on the first floor Lena didn't want, and put the son on the pile of clothes, she told him to postroit. When five minutes later he returned, Andrewski gone. Ran through the halls with no one. Panting from hysteria son she found ten minutes later in the office of otolaryngology - he had wandered in search of his mother. It would take Andryushka in his arms and take home, but Lena had decided to finish the planned and put son in the vaccination study. The nurse scolded Andryushka for capricious temper and stomped him in the ass prick.
So the mother's own hands "secured" the stress caused by the accidental separation. And since Andrei would not let the mother away for a minute. Finally, she got tired, and Lena turned for help to the psychologist...
What to do? Do not think that the main cause of the child's fear of separation from the mother was a particular stress. Undoubtedly, this episode played a fatal role in the formation of excessive attachment, but before this episode the boys were for this addiction. "Sticky" children are distinguished from all other anxiety, nervous anxiety and fear all new. Such kids become "tails", it is only necessary for them to get into trouble. If the child does not let you in any way, do not be angry with him, this stickiness will pass with time. In any case, do not scold the child for what he again cried cost you to withdraw for a moment. Remember that along with the growth of all the kids otlipat from their mothers. We just try to make the child feel strong and brave, it is best to raise his self-esteem.
How to achieve this?
- Everywhere don't be afraid to follow your baby, it is not a shame. Much worse, if you will abandon the practice. On the contrary, find classes that you can go together, for example, in an art Studio where kids can paint and molded together with their parents.
- However, the child must understand that the mother can not belong to him constantly. My mom should be your personal time, these "pieces of my personal life" are repeated with a certain periodicity, such as meeting with friends once a week, on Saturdays. And the child should let reluctantly, but it is time to break away from her mother.
You need to have in mind that anxious children with difficulty I lost with mothers who are prone to negative fantasies. If the child does not understand something or words, he can imagine anything, and then begin to fear their own imagination. So talk more with his "tail", explain to him the phenomena or events that concern. And more positive.
To visit with the "tail"!
Typical story. Natalia visited rarely. Every time somebody's birthday rested in an insoluble problem: what to do with the child. Five years Christina no one wanted to stay, even with the native grandmothers. About to take his daughter on a visit, could not be and speeches - she just didn't want the mother to properly communicate with your friends: Vistula on his elbow, holding a death grip at the hem and behaved like a wild animal. Once at the party Natalia with difficulty persuaded Christine to sit at the table under the tutelage of his close friend and went to the toilet. The daughter stayed in the room, but after a moment she was worried, she asked for a show where he went, mother, then began to Bang on the bathroom door yelling "open the door! " and loud roaring. When Natalie opened the door to the toilet gathered the whole company. She was very ashamed of her child.
Why? Personal life with Natalia at once went haywire. Become pregnant, she announced to her husband, and the enthusiasm expressed. "Well, okay, a face for yourself," he decided Natalia and bare. Daughter was sick, and mom not to depart from it in any way, moved into the nursery and plunged into the care of the daughter. Especially Andrew somehow got away, was a stranger, came home late, although regularly supplied the family with everything needed. Natalia often thought that Christina is the only creature on earth that loves her, and that thought I wanted to pay for her life. She wildly frightened when making the first steps, the girl fell. And when Christina choked pear and scary wheezed, coughing, Natalia became hysterical. But my daughter was five years old, and Natalia, as a caring mother, decided that the girl needed the team. And suddenly it was discovered that Christina and step cannot do without mom. The girl huddled in hysterics as soon as she was brought to a group of kindergarten. Natalia rushed to find the best child psychiatrist. Found, and what was her surprise when the psychiatrist said that the girl is healthy.
What to do? If the mother is abusing care from early childhood, when she subconsciously afraid to part with the baby even for an hour, the child quickly takes her anxiety and - the - seize maternal hem! There are anxious mothers, who can't fall asleep without her child. They are so attached to him that never leave the child to spend the night at grandma and often abuse their own personal life, putting him to bed between herself and her husband. But soon found that this attachment has its costs: the mother have steam on a tiled bench in the pool, while the rest of her drinking coffee at the bar.
You recognize yourself in Natalia? Then I realized my problem, and it's great: now you will probably work on themselves, i.e. to separate their own problems from the real issues of your child. Until then, life goes on, and we should go to visit, because the stickiness of the child is not a reason to not go anywhere. And let everyone play in the children's and your "tail" is sitting at the table next to you and listening to adult conversations - not a problem. If you are not going to dwell on this, the child will you fall behind.
So, how to turn a visit into a holiday?
- Explain to your child that you are going to visit your friends that you are with them long time no see, miss you and really want to talk to. Even three-year-old kid is able to understand any of your feelings.
- Tell me in detail the child, who will be there to present what you will be doing. Disturbing the baby is very important to know that he will survive.
- Don't fret on the "Velcro" if he grabbed in your hem and single step you do not let go. Yes, you have this baby! Everyone, eventually, has its own peculiarities. Allow it to adapt in a new environment, do not concentrate our attention on it. Perhaps your "tail" then don't want to leave this hospitable home.
- If in the house, where you come from, have children, share their child with them, but do not ask here to stay and play. Show yourself interest in children, ask them to show you toys (notice you, not your "Velcro"). Your interest in children will be transferred to your child, while calls on the theme, "look, what are kids toys" are perceived by your child as a threat of isolation from maternal skirts.
- No corner-to-child tips-questions ("Eat the pie! ", "Don't you get bored? ", "Go play with the kiddies! "). Mom stickers often unconsciously, are themselves the custodians of their children. Watch your reactions. And well, if your kid dived under the table for the master's Pustunchik. Not standing immediately behind him there to climb. Rather, rejoice: the "tail" begins an independent life!
- Consider the visit as a kind of training for the "tail". The more often you do it, the less painful affection.
- Never saw the child for shyness and stickiness, do not put it in the example to the other children. After each visit, even if it is there you never leave, provide a "tail" to something delicious or gift. The promotion will fix in his mind the positive experience: guests - it's not terrible, it's good. It only takes about two or three years, and your "Velcro" from the guests for the ears will not pull out.
School of life
"Do not wait for the mercy of nature," talk some "tailed" mom, knowing that their kid falls out of the society, and take a tough decision: "in the fall he will go in the garden! Without conversations! " No sooner said than done. And here are subjected to ruthless amputation of the tail, gripping the handles bars Sadowski fence all day roars, peering into the distance. "'ll get used to it", - inspire yourself mom, suppressing yourself in doubt and pity. No, never used. Child-Velcro not Sadowski child, he is not subject to adaptation - he may be humble, to be broken, but not socialities and neurotypicals in the children's team. At that moment, when you unhook his small but strong fingers from his arm, he for the first time in my life will feel deeply unhappy and lonely and unable to cope with the grief, leave a. Many years later, it is already an adult, will pay crazy amounts of money spent on the psychoanalyst, like the archaeologist grains will restore all his experiences. And your adult child will most likely remember your hardness bad word. Therefore, if possible, it is better to get the tail to school.
"But what's the difference: what kindergarten that school? - you may ask. - How the "tail" will be left without mothers day? With an unfamiliar teacher, and - Oh, horror! in the crowd of other kids? " Don't panic! The tail had grown, and the school will only help him become fully adult. Oddly enough, but it's home "Velcro" very well feel at school. This fact debunks the myths that before school child must be in kindergarten to learn to fight for survival). Social skills at the age of six are formed very quickly. Homemade children immediately learn the rules of behaviour in the children's team and follow them (by the way, often in contrast to Sadowsky children who were "survival school" and learned to cheat, to obey the majority, to suppress the weak, to bow down to authority, suck up and Snitch). However, to make it easy, morally support his first-grader.
To do this, follow a few simple rules:
Stop behaving as if you each morning escorted the child is not in school, and on the front. Wipe your tears. Rejoice that the child goes to school that he is big and new opportunities. Your positive emotions will inspire baby.
- Generate the child a positive attitude toward the teacher. Never criticize the teachers at the child. Children-Velcro easily create idols. Do not see how your going to go the tail is not you and your teacher. And not only literally, but also figuratively. Now you the main thing is not to start to be jealous. Rejoice!
- After teacher-idol, the child will be the first friends. And now you have a little step aside. Stop the custody of a child, let him go to independent swimming. Seldom look in the drawers of his Desk, less control, but more heart-to-heart talk, ask about what happened at school. Don't criticize his surroundings, even if you don't like. And rejoice, rejoice, rejoice!
Source:
The family site
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