Recently accidentally (well, on purpose, I am curious as five-month-old puppy, and specifically go to the cafeteria to eavesdrop on other people's conversations) caught a dialogue between two girls. He sounded something like this:"Well, I slept with him.
- With this obojdem? Ugh, why?! He's terrible and a fat slob!
The girl's face was so disgusted that even me at the next table and shrugged.
"Well I don't know, I don't know! I was sorry.
I just can't believe!
"It's okay. I'm not difficult, as people once got a piece of pleasure.
I looked at the heroic girl is very cute, by the way, and tried to understand why she? And what is it all about sex out of pity.
Men approach
I remember when I was about twelve years old, I went on vacation to his father. He thought I was terribly adult - I still would, I already Maupassant read and pornographic stories Alexei Tolstoy at the same time, so he took on all social events. That is, adults (to me they seemed old) guys drank beer and talked, and I was sitting in the corner with a book and salty crackers, no one interfered, and listened attentively.
Now, these blokes in the course was a kind of secret abbreviation, such as "well, and then I had her BGP". Mystery BGP gnawed at me until, until I decided to ask the Pope what do these three letters. "Nothing special, " dad said. - BGP is free of hormonal support".
I nodded with a straight face (so as not to drop yourself in daddy's eyes), he returned home in August and intimidated the mother issue. Mom first red, then pale, then said into the space that all men are scum, but so do me and not explained. And only by becoming considerably older, I finally realized what kind of support was provided by daddy's friends numerous ladies.
Now my fellow men about the same age as it was then Pope. I decided to see how they are faring with the provision of BGP. A couple of men with fine mental organization immediately sent me, so to say, to wash the dishes. Others willingly participated in the survey. The sample, of course, not very big, but show 18 out of 20 at least once slept with a woman out of pity.
Another thing is that the definition of "out of pity" in the stories was completely absent. But I have heard many variants of substitutes: "I helped her to cope with depression", "she was asked to repair the faucet, and then it all somehow it happened," "I see is a lonely woman, why not make it a pleasant", "been on a business trip, a colleague sad, and I decided that a little sex won't hurt her" and the touching "she got sick kitten, she needed my support".
Having spent talking a few nights, ten cakes and liters of coffee, I learned about men is this: first, the words "sex" and "pity" for them is absolutely incompatible (not love, namely pure pure sex). Separately, I was astonished by the phrase "If I was sorry for her, I never will."
Secondly, 99 percent of such ties for men - single. Then there came, hormonal and morally supported, went to live with a sense of accomplishment. And thirdly - and this was a revelation to me, men not for an instant believe that someone can have sex with them, not because they are beautiful, smart, rich, and out of pity.
Even my former classmate, scrawny creature on chicken legs with early bald patches and harsh mother, indignantly rejected this assumption (Yes, he still lives with his mother, but only because, I quote, "until she met a woman worthy of me"). Don't know, maybe they really are from Mars. Or even from another Galaxy.
It for flour loved...
Dealing with men, I began to make friends with the same question: you have sex out of pity? And the first said: "Regularly, once every six months". Then he told us that he went to work in another city, where he became acquainted with a man who spent the night with him and hoped that this was all over. But the man began to call, to talk about his loneliness, about the fact that no one understands, and "no one's hand to apply to the mental afflictions". Then came to her city, and he, of course, had no place to stay, so he stayed in her bed.
"Well, not to expel him was on the street," said my friend. And now for the past three years - he regularly visits for a few days. And she is not able to refuse him, because sorry man. "No joy, no, no, but how will present his face at break, I think - no, easier to sleep".
And she's not the only one. So, for us the relationship out of pity may be delayed indefinitely. And the longer "regret", the more difficult this link to stop - that's the vicious circle.
As said character Nabokov Marfinka, explaining to her husband his constant infidelity: "For me it is a trifle, and they are glad". Perhaps the thing that we are by their nature such compassionate. Do not know how to refuse to be comforted, and men use it (perhaps unconscious, perhaps we are on the stereotype for men sex is not only fun, it is also an affirmation and raising their self-esteem, so why would he not help, because really - really).
And by the way, it seems to me that pity sex is a purely Russian invention. In the West women are more business-like approach. Everyone gets their pleasure, and everyone leaves satisfied with themselves and each other, healthy partnerships, in which there is no place for unnecessary sentimentality. Even in the "Sex and the city", the encyclopedia of women's experiences, there is not a single episode where sex was the least tinge of pity.
Charity in bed
Woman much emocjonalna men (and not only during PMS). I have heard many times from friends phrases like "I don't know why I slept with him, something felt... ". This "something" can be anything: a fleeting gratitude for a pleasant evening, some own experience, random memory, and on the wave of that feeling puts us in a strange bed. But unlike men, for women even sex for sex is not a mechanical act, culminating in orgasm. It's always sex plus something else - we just can't do it differently.
When one of my friends goes wrong personal life, she goes hunting. She is not looking for a beautiful, successful, confident - she chooses someone "poor", she says. I saw them plain, unremarkable men, does not stop at such a sight, and against such does not flutter in my stomach butterflies.
I have long tried to understand why she "picks up" until I heard from it the phrase: "He seems happy - I just feel that you have done a good deed". Here it is, sexual charity. The male orgasm, my friend is feeling, what she needed, what she gave to someone a few pleasant moments. She even, in principle, no matter satisfied if her body - she is fueled in bed other people's emotions. And claims that this is a great way to heal heart wounds.
A win-win deal
Anyway, it turns out that no matter how we think, unselfish motives we have not made love, still we not only give, we receive something in return. Each his own, according to needs: one raises their self-esteem, the other through sex sells maternal instinct, the third plays "beauty and the beast" and captures the thrill of delight in the eyes of men who do not believe until the last moment that he was so lucky, the fourth enjoys his "fall", the fifth suit your body shaking and emotional "roller coaster".
The options are endless. And someone might call this promiscuity or reproach of immorality of such relations. But is it, in the end, it is important, if both be satisfied. The main thing - do not admit a man (even a man for one night) that he was in your bed under one of the above reasons. Although he probably still don't believe you. You're from Venus. Or even from another Galaxy.
Source:
Леди@mail.ru
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