Open various development group for kids on the shelves full of children's literature, restless mother are in search of more and more, as they think, effective development programs. Children, in turn, become a kind of object profitable investment, or "goods" on the market of social comparison. Unfortunately, few parents think about what is actually necessary for the child. And if you think about it, the answer yourself: "my child, it will be useful, he should go to the best school and to graduate from the most prestigious University, and in General: to be the best! " A noble goal, but, in my opinion, one-sided. Apparently, to see in your child's future genius, nature. What kind of mother would dream that her daughter became a housewife? What father wants to see his son a conductor to commercial bus? It is clear that parents want the best for their children, but often vaguely imagine what you need to do to get really better. Let's look at a few options impediments to really favorable development of your child:
The tendency of parents to compare their child with others.
I think there are many parents who could afford to admit that they compare their child with other children. In psychology, this phenomenon is called social comparison. There is no doubt that this comparison helps us to Orient properly developing our child. But sometimes, social comparison becomes absurd. The most common picture - two mothers vying with each other to tell each other what their child is able. Or this situation: one mother tells their child's achievements, and the other sighs and says quietly: "But we still do not know how to read, and from the alphabet only a few know letters, and the letter "R" is not jaw:" Social comparison is useful within certain limits, but in no case may not be the primary means of knowing their child. All children develop differently, and each child should have their own record! Now, yesterday, he knew only three colors, and today we have four! And not in which case not: Masha knows only three colors, and Alenka four.
The myth of intellectual development as the leading factor for the future success of the child.
Parents forget that development should be multilateral, multi-dimensional and uniform. Excessive development of one specific functions, the ability to distort the overall picture of development. Intelligence in the modern world, especially in the eyes of ordinary people, gaining a reputation as the main guarantee of success. Emotional, physical development go to the background, and the development of the intellect is "out of competition". In addition, the concept of many parents, the intellectual abilities of young children are reduced to the amount of words used, the number of learned letters, numbers and rhymes. More "advanced" parents begin to teach your child a foreign language. But very few parents are, in fact, understands what he's doing.
The myth of children's intelligence ("immediately gives the answer, so smart").
Often children suffer the irritation of the mother due to the fact that I can quickly sort out the situation, to answer the question, etc.. Goes mum on the bus with her baby and sits next to an elderly lady who pays attention to the child: "what is your name? How old are you? And in the garden you go? ". Mom starts to nervously tell the child his name and to bend the fingers, so that he correctly showed "two years old". I wonder why mom decided that the child should give the answer? Maybe he doesn't want to communicate? Or, for example, the mother decided, no matter what was to teach children to count to ten: "one, two, three:I repeat: one, two, three, four.. hurry up". The child is silent, and inquisitive looks, and then laughing mother rushes to cuddle. The mother is irritated, pushes, trying to continue their education account, and do not even realize that the child would now like another.
Shame for their child.
Shame is a powerful emotion and plays a role in the regulation of human behavior in accordance with the rules. More shame-prone mothers than fathers. You can often see how any unsightly lunges child's screams and hysteria on the street or in the store, picking his nose, scratching, arsenia child, etc. from people in mind) it is easy to deduce the mother herself. Constant straightening, shouting, comments not make the best contribution to the development of the child. In addition, parents transmit and baby your shame and teach modesty, not noticing that they themselves stifle and inhibit the normal development of the child.
Semi-conscious vision of the child as "debtor", which during childhood has "interest".
Many parents it is hard to see your baby growing personality. The child is often just an object. Parents invest in the child what they want to see in him and show little attention to his wishes. Often, as adults, these children hear from their parents "I raised you! Fed, clothed, have learned! And you??!! ". But in this situation myself know many mom spends a lot of time in the kitchen, and the child refuses to eat. My mom's a shame to tears ("I tried so hard! "). In fact, the mother should understand that preparing it for yourself is actually, but the child just juice wanted to drink. Unfortunately, the mother often make such mistakes, that is why tired.
Guilt in relation to the child.
Guilt is one of the most destructive emotions. Mother naively believe that if they suffer from a sense of guilt in the child, it means they love it very much. The mother, who tries to make amends, ready on much for a child. But whether it's the child? Isn't it better for a child if there will be self-confident, self-sufficient quiet neurotic mother without manners?
So, everyone should know that the intellectual development of the child - not the main question that should concern parents. First of all, parents need to work hard, then they will be easier to understand that a baby needs for optimal and comprehensive development. The child absorbs from their parents like sponges. Special training for young child may be necessary, but still the most important factor in the development of the child is the communication and interaction with adults in the activities. Any spontaneous activity in the home is equal to several special sessions. For example, it is meaningless sits down with two-year old child at a table and begin to learn letters. Much more effective is the assimilation of the alphabet, if the letters are hung around the apartment or reading books and signage shops. Teaching domestic skills is also easier in current operations.
Many mothers ask how to teach a child twice a day to brush your teeth, get dressed, wash with water in the toilet, to wash their tights, wash the floor and the dishes. Actually, simply, no need to disturb the child to learn. When-year-old kid climbs to the mother during washing, she tries to distract him, puts him toys, seats in the arena or asks that someone played from family members. But he is ready to learn! He needs just to participate in the wash! If you allow your child to "help" mother, you can be assured of acquiring basic skills.
Bad habits like digging in the nose of the children also learn from their parents. Posture, gait, facial expressions, gestures, speech, bad and good habits - all of this is taken from the parents almost indiscriminately. Useless to say "we Must always speak the truth" and then to promise something to a child, and then not to contain words, or invent when the child "for business use". It is difficult to teach a child to read and seek knowledge, if he rarely sees his parents for a book.
Give your child full fellowship with you, do not dismiss it as a nuisance, respect the opinions of your child at any age. Remember that the child himself is configured to development. No need to strive to develop the child, you must create optimal conditions for its comprehensive and uniform development.
Source:
Mamashka
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