Some believe that jealousy is a biological instinct, but in fact, jealousy is just a behavior with very strong emotions.Nuri Bey was thoughtful and well-respected Afghan. One evening when he returned home earlier than usual, there came unto him a faithful servant and said:
- Your wife is behaving suspiciously. In her room there is a huge chest that is large enough to accommodate the person. Usually it was kept only old lace. I think now it is something else.
Nuri Bey entered the room of his wife and found her sitting in front of a massive wooden chest.
-Will not show if you tell me that in that trunk? - he asked.
Is all because of the suspicion servants? You don't believe me?
- Wouldn't it be easier to open chest, not thinking about what causes it?
"I'm afraid this is not possible.
"Is he locked up?
Yes.
- Where is the key?
She handed him the key and left, clearly confused. Long thought Nuri Bey. Then he called the servants. Together they took at night chest in a distant part of the garden and buried it without opening.
Some believe that jealousy is a biological instinct, but in fact, jealousy is just a behavior with very strong emotions. This feeling is familiar, perhaps, to everyone (to paraphrase Mark TWAIN, "to throw jealous easily, himself a hundred times threw") and is not limited to a love relationship. When the geese went behind naturalist Konrad Lorenz (1), believing it to its mother, was the so-called imprint. They changed the object of his affections, was moved to the person's feelings to mother goose. The same imprint often occurs in people, if we talk about jealousy. Women everywhere are jealous of men to work, sports, friends. Or jealous not of men, and their children to dad, grandma or a new girlfriend. And sometimes jealous cherished project to a new supervisor or employee. And the mechanism is the same everywhere.
Consider jealousy from the point of view of NLP. First, what exactly it starts, because there are two fundamentally different "trigger": internal and external.
Thus, the external, when you see the object of their affection with someone in an embrace. The horror! But such cases are rare. Is something else. For whom is she dressed? Why did he suddenly go fishing, even though he doesn't even have a fishing rod? This is some sharp, some changes in the behavior of the partner, which are also accompanied by a lack of information. "Who are you had painted her face? ""My dear, I go to work! " - "What have you for such work? " - "We have a corporate party! " - "Oh yeah - you have now is a corporate event? " Note that the dialogue could be diametrically opposite, if the woman had told him: "Dear, I have a week will be a corporate holiday, tell me what to wear? "
The launch of jealousy based on appearance occurs from a lack of control. Rather, the illusion of control. This is the first instant reaction of those people who do not trust. Sometimes they have reason, if the other end is a lie. Some think that you can lie so naturally that no one will notice. While the other person is busy, may not suspect fraud. But as soon as he will pay to you attention, a lie, even a small and harmless, it becomes immediately noticeable. People may not understand what a lie: that coat you bought was worth twice the price of what you said, whether that coat you gave the lover. But the rest he completes using your own imagination.
As said Frank varelli, psychotherapist and founder of provocative therapy, in my head simultaneously 17 TVs, and on each screen - his version of the story. From harmless-frivolous to hard porn. And the person with rich imagination can be so please watch these pictures that the TVs he can just stop off.
Why joke: "my Wife said, that went to the mistress, the mistress - that went to his wife and himself in the attic - and learn, learn, learn! "is this funny? Because everyone has the information all quiet, and then you can do something. If a man shall say to-night that I went to study, to him no one would believe. Because by doing so he demonstrates the very unusual behavior.
Exit close
The main thing - always remember that all images belong to you and only you. You have the right to do anything. If you draw a picture of how the husband Busty blonde is dancing, then go to this picture creatively: mentally make it black and white, even, mark: "so is the recruitment of foreign intelligence! " The blonde primesuite horns or moustache - as you laugh (or at least wry smile), negative emotions will subside. Because emotions are directly linked with imagination, generates the same picture. Hence, our task is to make a picture or unemotional, or funny. What are the options? To mentally draw a picture on the glass and smash it against the wall. Or completely wash the glass with a wet cloth, as the school Board. Hang a curtain or blinds and open-close. Or Vice versa - to bring the situation to the point of absurdity: if it occurs, it is not with one girl, and has the whole brothel. It's your husband, not to waste time on trifles! If you adore him all of 20 Busty blondes. And they sit in the jury with tablets and choose from these blondes the luxury.
But all these external causes. The inner enabled when the person starts to like watching such pictures, because it gets a powerful secondary benefit. For example, my wife is advantageous to be sloppy and lazy, while accusing her husband of infidelity. Once on my consultation was one client. She told her sad story: when she was sitting with a small child, her husband cheated on, went left-to-right groin variety of spirits, and all friends in paints told her where and with whom they saw it. "It was such a humiliation that since I punished. I am not home, I gave up on myself, I refuse him close! "she said. The story could be called quite normal, if not to wonder how many years that same child. And he was already 30 years old, it was an adult, which to me, in fact, led. I said, "You are a very noble woman! You his whole life was devoted to her husband! "What is it? she said indignantly. He is not worthy of me! " "But from what you have told me, is clear: everything in this life you did, you did for him. The main recipient of your message was husband. Maybe it's time to start doing something for yourself? "
Those who experience jealousy, in this moment fully switched to the partner. They are annoyed that they can't control it permanently and completely, as a pregnant woman in full control of their child. Jealousy including means that you have a lot of free time. Unallocated head is filled with these horrible pictures, or, as expressed by Francisco Goya, the sleep of reason produces monsters". So, it's time to urgently deal with them. Why, out of jealousy, some women are beauties or make a career? Because they just fill this void.
There are women who specifically fumbled the wound, the self-pity astraunaut it, don't give up. They begin to read mobile phone, hacked email accounts. But before you start to do, think, would you feel better? Are you ready to have some nasty things for you? To know that you doubted not in vain? And in General - what do you want to achieve? In fact, a goal you have? You will continue to do with it? If you have a clear plan of action, for example, that if cheating is confirmed, you leave them - go for it! If your goal is different - save your relationship, then ask yourself: how are you going to do? Call mistress and beat her face? To blackmail the husband, children and keep it on the hook of guilt? Or to pretend that nothing is happening? This is a question about where you are relative to the center of your world.
From the point of view of NLP, it is important to understand the structure, catch the wave "of the future of jealousy" at the end, to deploy and to give this energy a different direction. Creative. To start, set a goal, focus on it, make sure that the achievement of this goal depends entirely on you. So, for example, the goal "May he forever loves me" not perfect, but the goal "to Be beautiful, to feel desired and to build such relationships, how I want! " is appropriate, because it depends on you. Few specially formulated goal: "I Want to be unhappy, consumed with jealousy". No, of course not! Just if there is no goal or it is not fixed, our 17 TVs work in unmanaged mode. And understanding how you want to feel, what kind of relationship acceptable to you and which are not, as you want to negotiate with your partner, there is a real chance to take the remote from the TV and switch channels independently. One of them can show your future full of happiness and joy, on the other - the past, the best moments, on the third and you and your constant case, the fourth program about different cultures, where permitted polygamy and mnogomesta, and the fifth one big question mark is what you really want to attract into your life?
Ivan, 45 years
"Imagine a wife - crap! Call, and she has such a voice that immediately clear that something hides. Then sends the message: "you have a Nice evening! " I think, why would it? Never sent me text messages, now suddenly sent. "Where are you going? " - I asked. "Still going! "answers. Naturally, I flipped out. After an hour drive home, she sits at home, sad, and asks: "Why are you angry, I was just going with the girls to meet after work! " So tell me: I'm going to meet the girls! Why reticence, why should I worry all the colors, think about unpleasant things?! "
* Conrad Zaharis Lorenz is one of the founders of ethology, Nobel laureate.
Author:
Peasant T, Belcheva And.
Source:
Our Psychology
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