Once the time comes when it happens for the first time. There are people who, this time not in a hurry. But sometimes lag "first time" becomes a problem...As it happens at girls
Whether you want to save your virginity and at what age it is better to lose, is often discussed as the people young and Mature. But if girls of 15 - 20 years, these arguments are rather entertaining, for some of those over 20 years old, this could be a problem. And more. Even if the girl keeps virginity consciously, not because they "can't anyone find it crush the stereotypes of our society. No-no and will remind anyone that before, in Russia, a girl after 20 years it was considered "old maids" (still somewhere on the edge of consciousness this old relic of lives). Or girlfriend will tell you about a wonderful night, and then with a sneer ask: "are You already?. Or not?! " Or forum on the Internet they will meet the opinion of Someone from the Network, considering that those who remain virgins, "strange". In General, the farther, the more complexes imposed from the outside.
What internal complexes? They, however, may not be. A girl can rely on the principles of expectations, "the" men (and let not the husband). It is important to get the first sexual experience with a loved one. And even if society pressures, problems of virginity these girls do not. They are trying to choose a decent man, prone for a long time to verify the relationship before moving on to getting new experience. And the one who searches are quite able to find someone who will be ready to such "rules of the game". However, sometimes happens, as our heroine Olga, which faced the rude behavior of men, that it was for her a sign of "not the same! ". But do not make this a problem, and you just need to follow the chosen course and not to rush.
Sometimes the girl is a virgin because she has internal systems that hinder relationship building. Perhaps it's relationships with parents, early experiences rejection in adolescence generated fear assessment of others. But instead formulate the main problem is the girl in your head hears a voice: "you Have nothing, because you're a virgin, you're inexperienced, and such men do not like". And virginity becomes a problem, although in itself it is not. You need to deal with emotions on a deeper level, and when progress will be made, the issue of virginity is no longer so tense.
Olga, 23
I'm still a virgin. Me before and it was a little uncomfortable, because my friends already live with young people. Yes, and it was hinted that "it's time". Only I wanted to love, to wait for that first time was with her beloved man. A year ago, however, met with one guy and confessed to him that she's still a virgin. It was a feeble joke ("what, still?! "), and, although later apologized, I did not want to continue the relationship. Now I am truly in love. And I want him as a man. But don't know how I have to admit that I'm a virgin. Does it not scare him? Again I am afraid to lose my love...
As it happens in men
Three types of virgins:
1. Boys 15 - 17 years. For them their "virginity" is not a problem, but rather the expression of a strong desire.
2. Next is the age of "failure", and then occurs the category of men 23 - 26 years, for which no "first time" is already perceived as a problem. For them, the onset of sexual experience desirable but unattainable by a number of internal systems.
3. Next, there is a group of men after 35 left without sexual experience.
If girls are more concerned about the lack of a meaningful relationship, and even virginity in the second place, the young men just concerned that they have not yet had sex. No girl on the forums have not received the advice to hire a "man on call to solve the problem of virginity. Men receive a recommendation of "buy a woman of easy virtue" quite often.
Man, still no experience of the "first times", may have no complexes, no problems in relations with the opposite sex. It can be considered the beginning of a sexual life as something especially meaningful and wait for true love. He does not feel anxiety because they do not yet know the woman. Such men lose their status of "virgin" in 20 - 25 years.
What is the basis of male fears that prevent to engage in first contact? A man should be "on high", he must satisfy a woman" (which, as you know, more difficult). Excessive demands and the image of the "perfect lover" with age you start to push harder. 17 - 19 years this burden is not felt so much, and the young men understand that their age cannot be specific requirements ("you are too young, what did I have? "). So they have the opportunity to begin their sexual careers and to gain experience safely. But if this point is missed, then about 25 years old man already deeply troubled: he age should already be experienced, and that I expect him to women, and to start becoming harder and harder. Sometimes, even being in a relationship with a girl, such a man may delay the time of first sexual intercourse, not wanting to seem simple and ordinary, and not Superman.
How to be
1. If virginity is your ethical position... then follow it. But if the process is delayed, and "the same" or "same" no, think not too if you have high requirements to the choice of a partner.
2. Not a topic for a first date... and the second, too. The belief that men (and now women) need sex, and as quickly as possible, largely just a stereotype. As the development of relations and the emergence of intimacy, the fact of your lack of experience will be perceived positively.
3. Theoretical training. Knowing how and what happens, you will feel more relaxed and "experienced".
4. Virginity is a temporary... Moments "not yet..." and "Yes! " can be divided fairly fine line. And all will turn out!
Perhaps, no matter how much the virgin years, you need to take your own imperfection. Remember the adage: "the Best is the enemy of the good"? Enough, especially for a start, just be gentle and caring man.
If there's a virgin
It is important to exercise tact in dealing with them. Trusting you with information about your inexperience, one is waiting for you something important to him. Perhaps the boy or girl will turn to you as an adult, experienced person, simply for advice or to get your impressions of how it was for the first time. He or she may wish to see: fear can experience everything, but it can be overcome. So tactfully, with a little humor show your support.
Not kidding in any way on this occasion. Not kichites his experience, as possible talk about the past.
Paul, 25
I'm cute, graduated from a prestigious University, is well secured, now going to open your company. But I haven't had sexual contact with the girls. The last time I had the opportunity, but I really was just showing off, losing her was in the first year of the Institute. Almost 7 years ago! Every time in my field of vision appears attractive to me girl, I'm lost. Several meetings and communication goes nowhere, it is "once", and one I frankly said I was "complicated". Confidence to me is not added. I want to stop being a virgin, many of my friends have families and children, and I even never tried, as it happens.
Author:
Marina Yu
Source:
Psychology
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