Love - a time of hope and disappointment. So she will fall in love with an actor, a singer, a school teacher and, handing him his "Valentine", you suddenly notice his hands dozens of similar characters of someone's affection. It is a frustration, anger, resentment: idol can't share this feeling with you! Okay singer or actor - for them we recognize such a right. But as is often the same story occurs in relation to a classmate or someone involved in the same sports clubs in the school of music. And he can get a few "gifts" or other signs of attention - though not even the hero of the show business...So was there a subject?
About love a lot of judgment and right, and wrong, but clearly contradictory. Some find that it is accompanied by the rise of physical energy, charges a strong positive emotions. Other notice: man indulges in dreams and fantasies, and in this state does not notice what is happening in the real world.
Physics
Teenage love is experienced especially rapidly and painfully. Often happens that confidence, I want to do exploits for the sake of "ladies of the heart, and the girls are ready for the madness for the sake of "her knight". But there may be insomnia, and mood swings. Only what you feel the soul of the company, glittering wit, and suddenly there is the one in whom you are in love with. Legs become wooden, compressed shoulders, cheeks - treacherous blush, it's hard to breathe. Man overwhelmed with emotion. Joy, when you see beloved, to irritation, resentment and even aggression when they realize that he has many other interests. Just looked at you and talks to other. Or feel his gaze, but turn your eyes away because they are afraid to face the coldness or dissatisfaction. And then - disgrace! The end! The presence of the beloved binds. I want to touch him, to see dramatically increases the excitement, and you're trying to hold down, to hide, to show calm or even coldness.
Dare to act
The teenager seems to be: if in love, and you will not be together, then never to be happy. What can you do? Never look in the direction of that person or to contrive a common cause? How often then matured classmates remember meeting each other about matters in which they participated together! Common cause, a friendly glance can be the first step towards the warm feeling of a long friendship, tender love.
Love cannot be forced If you are not interested in the person likes, it is important to understand: you do not need to change your plans, if you do not want to spend time with him.
But to deny it is better in a respectful and friendly manner: for example, on offer going to a movie instead of coarse "With you " never" to choose a generic "to Me today is not like in the movies" or "Thank you, this movie I've seen." And love is to try to understand and accept the difficult thought: your feeling is not right, and opportunity. And even if you very strongly love you, can not love.
Parental fears and without
When the children fall in love, the parents at least lose composure. Admission to the Institute and the choice of life, from their point of view, far more important than. And if they are very persistent and disturbing, the conflict in the family is inevitable. First of all, because the fire trying to put out, unfolding with greater force. A psychologist comes to the reception, mother, son, 16 years. He haven't slept at home. Passes through friends that he was alive and well and where he has to spend the night. Mom says that until November of this year, she and father were wonderful relationship with his son, and in December my son got a girl, and as a substitute. For three months he was totally a stranger, dancing to her tune, sleep, rather, it. Do something to tear him away from it! Mom says, "Girl frivolous, bad student, my father as soon as he saw her, he said, and then he stopped to chat with us". The question was whether the girl in their home, the mother says, "No! Because as soon as we saw her, he immediately decided to terminate their relationship". Let's look at the highlights of what is happening.
Oil in the fire
The boy on the threshold of manhood. He is in love. His male feeling of need to protect, maintain, protect the object of love. Maybe for the first time in his life the other person becomes more important than parents. And this is natural. If parents accepted the situation for what it is! Talked with the girl, supported noble impulses son, kept him emotional contact, so he could share with them your experiences... Then maybe after some time or they would have liked the girl, or she didn't like the son, because it does not fit into their family. This often happens.
And parents have kindled a fire. They hurt in the son, male, attacking the girl. And then their words about his future life, on admission to the Institute, it became worthless. And parents more he simply does not hear. Parents themselves to go to the psychologist, to calm down, to change the attitude to what is happening with the maturing child. And especially in a situation that reminds them of what happened (or not happened) in this age group.
In families where children have plenty of warmth and love, where there is an atmosphere of mutual understanding, support, care, where responsibilities with respect to education, family Affairs habit from an early age, the tests associated with the first love, experienced easier. Try not vulgarize, not letting go of sarcastic jokes about the love of your children. Otherwise there is a risk to grow the vulgar and rude, and then, many years later, to wonder why he was rude and insensitive?
Author:
Gutman, O., psychologist, family therapist
Source:
The health of the schoolchild
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