It is no secret that each of us wants to meet her "real man", investing, of course, the concept of "real" their hidden meanings. But we rarely think about that in itself, such a man is just, out of nowhere, take - it must first educate parents. How to do it? So small and all my
Now you hold him in my arms, such a tiny and loved that you have inside all trembling with tenderness and fear around the world is huge and quite unfriendly, and most importantly, your desire to protect, to save, not to go away for a moment. Indeed, in the first year of life, especially in the first months, your baby is completely helpless, and it completely depends on you. It changes every day: going cheeks, smiles, rolls over, sits down, suffers the first tooth, releasing your finger and makes the first independent step. And here is the time to understand and accept the idea that now he is on his way, he's not your property, it already has its own character, their habits, desires and needs.
They say that Mama's little boy grow up kid "too much loved". Nonsense, love, can't hurt. But don't "stuff" the child's attention and excessive care. Even one-year-old man has sometimes want to be alone - he knows the world, and it is a very complex process.
Mom or dad
Russian psychologists in the last century conducted a survey in kindergartens and found that the most vexing question for children is "who do you love more, mom or dad? ".
You got used to the fact that the child almost all the time with you and dad work and is in the status "waiting in the wings" to take a walk, change the diaper, and kiss before going to sleep. But the child grows, and you sometimes catch myself feeling jealous, when you see that your baby is with great pleasure playing with dad, runs to him and whispers to him some gibberish in my ear. If you want your boy grew up to be a real man, do not disturb them. The father and the son should ideally be the time that they spent no you: he went to walk in the circus, in a forest, would their male cases and shared men's secrets. And that the Pope is not explained boring, "what is good and what is bad", and was told, for example, stories from my own childhood - as he did in a particular situation: when to fight and when to retreat, and what to say favourite girl, and how to make a kite.
Mirror
Children are very receptive. They have no manners, so they copy adults - don't forget about it when you have a bad mood and want to rip it on the husband. It is not necessary for the child to tell her husband that he's a wimp, a loser, a knave, and the list goes on. For a child, any scene with clarifying the relationship between the parents is very traumatic. Ideal families do not exist. But it is important to remember that the child is staring at you - Yes, like a Big brother, and evaluate your behavior. If he sees mutual concern and how you help each other even in small things, he will try to do the same. Your family relationships shape his future relationships in life.
Men don't cry
Still crying, especially little. Just because I don't know how else to Express their emotions. Mockingly, "well bawling like a girl" already gives a little boy a certain negative schema - girl-weakness-tears. And then we, experiencing PMS, surprised at the insensitivity of men and their contemptuous "eyes again on the wet spot". Real masculinity as expressed and brought up differently. For example, when you are with your son go from a shop and ask him to help bring light package. Or to give way to the metro elderly person. Or blow you the finger when you cut it. Such things form the character of the future man.
You are e'er on the fairest of them all
According to statistics of the boys in the family praised four times smaller and punished two times more than girls. Probably because there is another template: the greater the severity, the more emotionally restrained grown man. And it seems to work, otherwise why millions of women suffer from the fact that "he has the emotional level, like spoons".
Do not be afraid to praise and encourage your boy, even for small successes. And don't be afraid to show weakness or admit a mistake, if you were wrong, shouted, broke, slapped - anything can happen. Ask for forgiveness, explain why you bad kids all understand - ask for advice, give your boy a chance to show compassion, to learn compassion and empathy.
To beat or not to beat
About three years in children happens first transition to adulthood is a difficult period for parents and for the child. He is still small, but he's already delineates the boundaries of his world, aware of themselves as individuals and, increasingly, says I! ". It can be quite unbearable: asterite, to fight, to do something out of spite, to sulk, to withdraw or Vice versa to make a "Gypsy out, checking your strength. To be put on the brakes," it is impossible, otherwise the boy will feel that you are giving up the slack, and will be using them. But flip flops and "where is dad's belt" is not a solution, because aggression on your part can only produce retaliatory aggression. The child must understand that he is punished. Tell him that next time he will be deprived of something of a loved - chocolate or watching cartoons, but only quietly and without raising his voice - so you will give him to understand that you are with him on equal terms, and not "the killing hand".
He will give! And I like ladies!
All the boys are fighting is normal. But if you notice that your boy is usually picks a fight first and professes the principle of Porthos, "I fight because... fight" is alarming bell. About children's aggressiveness written a lot, but the best thing about this said the Czech psychologist Zdenek Matacic: "If the boy did not have the opportunity to kick the ball, he's going to kick other children".
The boys definitely need somewhere to vent his aggression and negative emotions. Home pillow fight, the battle with the Pope, any active games or sports section - and best of all together is the best way.
Fears
We are all afraid of something. But the children's fears seem to us sometimes completely unfounded and stupid. How can you be afraid of Babai, gray wolf, black cars, pictures on the wall? You should never laugh at the fears of your boy or dismiss them. As any therapist will tell you that many adults phobias are precisely the children's fears, who have had a child in the subconscious because of inattention or misunderstanding parents.
The best means of dealing with fear is laughter. Ask the child what he fears, and offer to paint this fear or think about him the tale - so it was funny. Tell us what you feared in childhood and how this fear has won.
Will grow from a son of pig, if...
if you're constantly put pressure on him, demanding that he was always clean, neat and quiet. Solely from a sense of the contradictions he will tear all pants and show off abrasions and bruises.
- if you are not going to ask him to help you, shouting "sit, sit, I will do". Take it to the sink dirty plate, remove toys, neatly folded clothes is easy.
- if you are not from a very early age to teach it to elementary personal hygiene. Moidodyr has not been canceled.
- if you're going to indulge his weakness and newmanian on the principle of "self-healing".
- if you constantly push back and jerk and criticize him, especially in front of strangers. Pig not a pig, but the inferiority complex you will grow huge.
- if you will try to realize their unfulfilled dreams. He came into this world to go his own way and not yours.
if you raise him on the principle of "Oh, this man will be with me always." Will not be. And it is necessary in advance to accept.
But someday his girlfriend will say, "Thank you. You raised a real man! ".
Author:
Leshchenko Yu
Source:
Леди@mail.ru
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