As it happens
I remember one of the family feasts, I was a little more than 20 years. Even then I had my first child, so many situations in life, I watched the eyes of a mother. Probably why I was so outraged by the conversation that took place at the table. Discussions were subjected to young girls, in relation to each other they were first cousins, so well born in one year 16 years ago. Their parents (especially moms) began to complain that girls no interest in, and indeed they have no abilities. Here I was actively involved in the conversation of the older generation. I said that it can't be. I was surprised by the vigor with which mothers began to defend the idea of mediocrity daughters. She's -- she's such energy would need to find a better application! I tried to ask what interests have girls now and what was in my childhood, wanting to show that "shoots" abilities still exist. But was crushed by the word "no". As a mother, I was surprised, because I could see the ability to have his only 3-year-old child, so how could not cope with this task more experienced moms? Each was left to his own opinion, and I got a scolding from his mother for "inappropriate" behavior, as manifested in the attempt to Express their opinion of the older generation.
In the next topic mediocrity became interested in me anymore, I habitually drew attention to the parents who complain about their children. Well, we have to admit: these parents a lot. They come on reception to the psychologist, writing in the online consultation, addressing the same question: "What do I do? My adult child is interested in nothing and has no abilities. And every time I want to ask questions: what did you do to make the situation was such? And why come round right now, when he was an adult and opportunities to affect it very little?
Working in a kindergarten and advising parents of preschoolers, I was confronted with the surprising fact. To the question: "How do you think your child's abilities? " most parents find it difficult to answer! The questions "why are you dissatisfied in the child's behavior? ", "What are his weaknesses? "as a rule, parents are responsible for them, savoring the details. Moreover, when you ask children: "what you criticize? "it's not straightforward, they shyly but surely talk about it. The question "why do you praise? " approximately 70% of cases are baffled. Of course, there are parents who are trying to expand their horizons, and encourage their interests. Why not join the rest?
Look and don't see
How can you live with the child every day and not see in it any inclination, interest or ability? There is at least some explanation.
Abilities are given from birth and therefore manifest themselves, and if not evident, they are not. This approval now there is no scientific evidence, but the pseudo-scientific justifications become a convenient cover for teachers and parents, justifying their passive position. In this case, parents and teachers mutually accuse each other that developed abilities of the child.
Abilities are highly dependent on heredity. "We all in the family owls, where he have any special abilities? "one of the scenarios. "In my family we all have musical talents, means, and it should be".
The second option does not allow to consider the other child (art, communication, design and technical and other) talents. If music will not be, the child is at risk of becoming "untalented".
If the child learns to "medium" or "bad", and no special aptitude for it. In fact, many gifted people showed very moderate achievement at school age, then developing their abilities.
Talent everywhere will come up. Perhaps in some cases this is true, but it's hard not to agree with the fact that the favourable soil better parched desert.
So...
If the parent says that their child has no abilities, it made a substantial contribution to this situation. And the question of "treatment" in this case is much more complex than the issue of "prevention". So try to be more attuned to their own offspring, consider their interests with small children. Assume initially the child has the makings, they only need to see and help their development. As the grain lying in the ground, but it is not visible, and can grow, if it is in a measure to provide assistance and attention.
Talent can so all my life and "to lie in the ground", not viruses. Abilities depends on the success and speed of knowledge acquisition, skills, skills to use them effectively. While the child has no opportunity to engage in some activities, it is impossible to say what is the attraction to her. You cannot decide that a child can't draw if my parents bought him a paper and paint to music - if he had not seen a musical instrument, to the construction - if it wasn't from which to build.
Thanks to or in spite of?
Everyone who showed their abilities and talents, did it either "with" or "against". In the first case, the environment in which he grew and developed, was favorable for its development, the second - hostile. However, there are two options: "do not help or hinder", and redundant environment.
Signs of a hostile environment
- neglect of the features of the child's interests
- hard imposing their own views about what should be handled by the child that it is necessary to develop a
- perception abilities of the child (for example, art in a family of engineers) as spam, blocking their symptoms
Developing in a hostile environment, the child, strong in spirit, can rebel and begin to do what he is interested in secret from their parents, and then openly, despite their resistance. Children who do not have such power, remain insecure, unable to develop any of what was demanded by the parents, nor what they had drawn themselves.
Signs of a neutral environment
- inattention, inability to distinguish the characteristics of the child, to call his Hobbies and interests
- "poor" developing environment in the family: adults do not read aloud to children, reluctant to answer the questions "why", from entertainment only offer trips to the cinema, attractions or shops
the desire to shift the responsibility for child development for educational institutions (kindergarten, school), justify their own positions of increased employment on the job or number of children ("I have two of them (three of them), when I with them to do? ")
When a child develops in a neutral environment, he formed a "low degree" cognitive interests. Most importantly: it is the main preconditions for the development of talents habits to work. Formed one of the most dreaded types of laziness - laziness of the mind".
Characteristics of an enabling environment
- attention and interest to the characteristics of the child, starting from the first years of life, the desire to consider it the makings
- rich developmental environment: reading interesting books; the familiarity of the child with dictionaries, encyclopedias, Internet; expansion of topics of interest to the child (thematic excursions, trips, meetings with experts); a statement before the child "questions without answers", activating his cognitive activity
- support the best interests of the child, the purchase of appropriate equipment, access to classes and sections
- flexible attitude of the parents: if your child has filled a particular topic and want to do something else, his parents around support
In a favorable environment, the ability of the children have the opportunity to develop in harmony with the early years.
Signs of excessive environment
"my mom and dad think their child is talented in everything, without exception
- praise the child often have the character, not actual
the developing environment is also redundant: the child can enjoy many activities, allegedly relevant to its numerous abilities
In this case, obstacles to the development of abilities enough: the child is not able to adequately assess their own strengths and weaknesses; his self-esteem high without a good reason. Sooner or later the parents and the child can come to the conclusion that bias or no, though it is not.
Author:
Marina Yu
Source:
Our psychology
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