Every day I expect he'll call me, call will ask questions, which for me doesn't mean anything, except that He sets them.
I catch every sound of his voice, this beloved, this tired, and melting with happiness.
Almost every day I meet him in the hallway, he's going about their business, sometimes with a pile of papers, sometimes light. At times he is happy, but more often gloomy and preoccupied.
I bless every step, but he ignores me. He may be friendly to talk to me, take the advice in difficult situations and even joking - but I don't need.
His family, which he cherishes, with two adult children. His wife, with whom he lived for decades.
What can I do?
Yes, unfortunately, not all our desires are fulfilled, but life sometimes seems full of grief. Favorite person does not reciprocate. The husband or the wife have outrageous habits that we want them to quickly deliver because they are so annoying. The child is lying, is not removed in my room, naughty. Head so do a complete jerk with delusions of grandeur. Colleagues or clients is inadequate.
Want to change their behavior. To make it more convenient for you.
The most frequent type of query to a psychologist: "Help me to influence partner (husband, wife, children, parents, colleagues, and so on) - he (she) does not understand, does not want, does, etc.,"
To accept people as they are, without trying to change them, to abandon the needs of one way or otherwise to influence them and to control them is very difficult. Yes and it is not always necessary.
How we react, what we choose is usually when the other person doesn't behave as you want?
To talk to him? To Express their feelings and desires out loud, give him a chance to speak? It is risky. Can not understand, reject, ridicule, use your sincerity against you. Many examples could be given, far beyond them to seek. "Honey, I wanted to talk seriously with you about what is happening in our relationship. Please, listen to me! "Back again some conversations! Relationship to find out is ready, and that his wife absolutely nothing to wear, you don't care a single drop! And again I will say, that I love! Love Affairs proved, not words"
To bawl, to threaten, to slam the door hit? "This is the last warning! And really, get a clue in your mind: if at least one more time this happens, I... " Sometimes this heavy artillery fires, but has ugly side effects - takes confidence, deteriorating relationships. Threats and coercion to provide only a temporary effect.
To manipulate? Sometimes it can be tempting.
One person affects another in order to achieve a certain goal. Moreover, the interests of the second party, of course, are not taken into account: victim loses.
Winnings may may be material or psychological in nature, i.e. can be manipulated as for money, ranks and awards, separate rooms in the apartment, etc. and in order to enjoy a change in the state and the victim's behavior - her confusion, rotten mood, deterioration of self-esteem, strengthen me, the great and Almighty.
He cherishes his family... and I wish he was with me...that was mine and only mine... so he left his wife and forgot it.
In contrast to pressure and coercion, manipulation is hidden, it is hidden, and therefore it is spoken of as varieties of indirect psychological effects. This means that, as a rule, the victim of manipulation does not realize that in relation to her influence. She accepts responsibility for the decisions, actions, and feelings that are going through and realize.
In order to be alone with him again, after you work out later - he usually long tinkering with my machine - and, clutching his heart (and even better - with a limp, it's noticeable), to hobble to the bus stop. He has a good heart will ask what happened, will take up the house, though we are not on the path.
Options manipulation - a great many. Almost any psychological knowledge can be used for covert control by the person without his consent.
I know that his wife was undergoing a few months ago a serious operation, still not fully recovered. Perhaps, between them have not been close. Maybe try to seduce him? To stay after work to ask for help with your computer, as if by chance to take a hand?
Manipulating, we seem to switch to another mode of human interaction. The mode in which the partner ceases to be our Partner, Person with its own unique spiritual world, to which you want to touch and which is self. He becomes for us a thing of the functional object, which has its own logic use.
Yes, to achieve intimacy is a promising move. He is a decent man, this whole firm knows. His integrity was included in our proverb. If I got pregnant, he would not insist on abortion and did not leave me with a child. Eventually, I could do so that he lived with us.
In the computer, you can enter any necessary information, by pressing a key. And the person who give the shaft, has its own peculiarities arm need only to recognize and use them correctly. If you enter information by clicking on the system unit, the result does not obtain. Similarly, when dealing with a person, it is important to find the right point of time and effort.
People prone to guilt? That means we need to find a way to cause him the same feeling, and then talk about what you want from him. Not refuse.
Bad controls himself in anger and then feel sorry for the rude words, which were spoken, willing to do anything to atone for their sharpness? To trigger the flash, and then to raise the question about what you need.
He is not averse to a drink and can't resist a freebie? Give him or transmit through someone a bottle of good liquor to time shall be held a meeting at which he was going to crush your project, it will be an entirely "lukewarm".
Says he loves you? To demand evidence - and it is such that you need.
The other ceases to be itself, and becomes a thing that you just properly used.
His wife is very proud and jealous woman. If you send her the dirt on my favorite real, if he will succumb to provocation, or even fake - believe it at once and immediately put him out of the house. He has nowhere to go. I could give him shelter...
No one wants to be manipulated. But the ability to manage other people was and remains for each of us a big temptation. Psychologist often hear: "will you Teach me to resist manipulation! " and "How not to succumb to provocation," and even "Help me, how to make so that he (she)..." is a direct request for manual manipulation, a guide to action. We are pleased to catch another in the use of incorrect methods of influence against us, but we surprisingly don't see how to do it yourself, and if you notice, it is usually justify ourselves.
The manipulator is he. He, she, actually they are.
I don't do that. Or do, but rarely. Or not rarely but always only where it is needed.
In General, the range of behaviors. Teach me to fight them!!! Preferably their own weapons.
Yes, we sometimes choose to manipulate because others are not always are not always are going to meet our desires and behave as we want. To accept the fact that you are not the Almighty, to abandon attempts at programming partner is hard.
It's so you can play. And I want to win!
You can consult a witch or a psychic, let them make a powerful love spell. Some sexual binding lifetime. How do they say? "He will be your slave until the end of his days" Interesting, they have some statistics, in what percentage of cases achieved the expected effect? Can they guarantee that? I pay well. He will love me, he just will not be able to go, he will have no other choice...
Surprisingly, successful manipulation is regarded by many people as a sign of strength and power. While the need for such effects (and this is confirmed by psychological research) born of weakness - a lack of confidence in their strength and capabilities, inability to trust other people and pathological need to control them.
Manipulation is opposed to an open dialogue, where everyone can truly Express their needs, desires and feelings - as well as providing the opportunity to partner. In the dialogue we respect the position of another person, it needs to be taken into account.
Manipulation diametrically opposed to love, because love always gives another person the freedom. Love the film refuses programming attempts.
I'll make him love him.
Manipulating others, we refuse to join with him in spiritual contact, moving away from contact with his identity and the exclusion from it, don't want to admit. We can only say, "difficult" or "Oh, I took the bait! "like before us, unyielding, stiff material or object fishing.
In the end, the manipulator is in the spiritual loneliness because he refused to consider the other person as an equal partner, as equals, sent it to the level of things.
We always have the freedom to choose methods of communication with the world and people: whether it is a manipulation or dialogue?
I have a rich imagination.
I could come up with many options to get him to be near me. Probably some of them would work.
I would have thought up something that he'd been sure - fate brought us together. He wouldn't come, that all that I had set up itself.
But I won't do it. Each time, looking into those blue eyes, I realize I love him too much to infringe on his freedom.
Source:
Our psychology
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