Kindergarten is the first social institution, which meets the child. Social in the sense that the child first meets with the requirements of society. These requirements may overlap with the requirements in the family, or may be different. A very important skill, which develops the child, adapting to kindergarten, is the ability to distinguish between situations and to analyze what can and cannot be done with other people, in certain cases.Now not only mom and dad, but a lot of people (adults and peers) and to various circumstances (mode, schedule, rules of conduct and even menus) affect the baby. He needs to learn to defend their opinion - but to respect the rules, to protect themselves - but not to hurt others, to be a person - but to appreciate the team to have their own permanent tastes, but to prevent and something new.
It's not easy. New circumstances will take time for the child's adaptation to the new conditions. According to psychologists, the child three or four years of the adjustment period lasts 2-3 months. If this period lasts longer, parents should consult with a psychologist and help the child. Perhaps feelings about kindergarten coincided with some equally important experiences, and the child is unable to cope with them, then "failure" from kindergarten means that they need the help and support of parents.
Here are some typical situations faced by parents when the child begins to walk in kindergarten (i.e began adaptation period).
"I don't want! "
The baby is crying, cranky every time when it comes time to go to kindergarten. This is (ironically) the most "favorable" option: it allows the child to talk openly about what he doesn't like. Parents are to feel for him, to say that im really sorry when he is sad at parting with them, but that's the way the world is mom and dad work and children go to kindergartens and schools. The child, who openly protested garden, often quite well-adapted, if the parents don't scold him, not ashamed, and I Express my sympathy, being sure that the garden is a good choice for their child.
Frequent illnesses
The child begins to ache from the very first days visiting the garden: "week in the kindergarten - week (and sometimes two) of the house". Many parents complain about the garden, saying, overlooked, drafts, children ill take, infection. Considering that in a kindergarten, the parents take the child to another in the third, but the situation is drastically changed. Why? Just because blame is often not the garden, rather than specific kindergarten, and the situation of the transition of the child to self-stay somewhere without parents. As you know, physical and mental development of children are interrelated, and the child's body sometimes helps him to cope with the concerns and experiences. Most often hurt those children who are not very capricious and crying, expressing clearly, words and tears, reluctant to go to kindergarten. This "obedient" children, they want mom and dad were happy with their independence, and try not to upset. But if adaptation for such a child is difficult, the body gives the emotions a "breather": the child is sick, stay at home. Many parents find that after a few months after the child went to kindergarten, it hurts less and becomes more active, more talkative, more Mature. If painful adaptation fails within six months, parents need to consult a child psychologist.
Home - whims, in the garden - success
"It's amazing, but my son is in kindergarten absolutely not like home. I even insulting, because I'm at home trying so hard, but he is much better behaved than me. First, he eats there. And the teacher says that he tries to eat first and picks up the plate to boast about! But at home I have him running around with a spoon! Secondly, he dressed! The house can spend hours walking in one sock! Such impression, that all the fruits of my education and my efforts are educators in the kindergarten: I was at home with his struggle, and there - "What is your self-developed child! "
The fact that in kindergarten, the child often sees exactly the place where it is ready to accept the way he delivers. He will not always be so independent, motivated and Mature, he is gaining strength and expresses all your worries and doubts of the house, the mother, in the form of whims and disobedience, and in the garden he brings that form of conduct, which, he believes, is most valued in society. He wants public respect! Most likely, soon he will also "worthy" to behave in other places, and at home will sometimes misbehave, resting from severe social role of the "good child". Of course, parents, especially mothers, it is a shame that the child is well behaved with others, and with them naughty! However, it is important to understand that this is disobedience to the baby with loved ones means that he's trying to adapt to society and spends a lot of forces. Realizing now, how big is the world and there are a lot of different people, only the closest he can fully and completely trust their concerns, emotions and feelings.
Home "good" in the garden - "terrible"
"I think the teacher is biased to my son. Every day she tells me how ugly he behaves, fights, takes the kids toys, etc. But it can't be: he is very obedient, polite boy! We have always carried with him a very long time, until I went back to work, I always explained to him what can and what cannot. He always asks me for permission if he wants to take something! I just don't understand how can it be that I see one, and without me is quite another?.."
Yes, this may well be, and even that often happens. And the teacher, most likely, absolutely not exaggerating. The point is that if parents really pay much attention to proper education, too control of the child, keep from making bad decisions, then the child three or four years, left in the garden without them, just lost. He seems to remain without his conscience, as the saying goes - "without a king in the head" because of his ability to self-control not yet developed, and his conscience and control were mom and dad. Left alone, the child tries to find an adult who would, as a mother, to help him to be "correct". That's why he behaves provocatively, this call says: "Please unleash me, give me my boundaries, soak me! " Most of the goodwill of others helps adults soon the child to believe that in order to be good enough, doesn't require constant adult supervision. "I know how to control yourself! "suddenly said to myself baby, if he sees that his tricks is not a catastrophe for the world, and adults, in General, like a completely different baby and quiet and nimble. Reassured about the lack of constant monitoring of a child starts to feel more confident and better able to communicate with adults and with their peers.
Why kindergarten is a good choice for a three year old child
Child two or three years already learned a lot about the world. In this period is very important for its development are the games in adult life. Doctor in the family, in the store, in the war.
But the experiences of the baby is not yet so rich, so it was easy to independently move in the game. And even in a room filled with toys, a three year old child may get bored or start to use toys, like a year or two ago, to throw, to hit, to knock, to break.
Tremlett need adults who can help him to create the world on the carpet, to teach the doll to be his daughter, to wash and go to bed, to teach cars to carry passengers and soldiers to fight. And for this game he needs peers because they only uncompromising will rush into battle with his soldiers or strictly decides that today is "mother" are not you.
The moms and dads may simply not have enough time to join those left behind in their childhood games because they require the same of this commitment, as in real life. Agree, you can find 15 minutes a day to practice with three-year-old child math, and then say: "enough for today", but it is absolutely impossible suddenly and unexpectedly stop regiment of soldiers who have not finished fighting.
The success of the development of the child is able to play, to have supporters and opponents, to gain experience of defeat and victory. Psychologists have long observed that children who have mastered the art of playing in ordinary life, much besproblemnee in this very ordinary life.
Besides the development of "productive play activities" (as they would say teachers) kindergarten gives the child an experience, sometimes not appreciate older, when we are talking about children, and appreciate, when it comes to adults themselves. It is the experience of communication.
As knowledge of the world for a baby starts with making my mom's food (breast, bottle of milk), and experience with strangers begins with the most simple everyday things: the joint food and sleep, General toys, rooms and favorite adults (teachers).
Probably needless to say how important it is in today's world the ability to communicate and build relationships with different people.
The sense of belonging to all of humanity starts with the need to share toys, to help each other to tie the laces and sympathize when friend scolds educator.
As leaving home garden can talk about the feelings of the child
First situation: "my daughter is surprising: in the morning she arranges a scene that does not want to go to kindergarten, and in the evening, when I come to take you home, I just don't notice. Continues to play, chatting with my girls! I call, wait, and talk with the teacher - in total, forty minutes pass, until we come out on the street. And in the morning again: "do Not want! "
The second situation: "it seems to Me that my son is in kindergarten hurt. No, he won't tell. Even comes in the morning in the garden with pleasure, toys, some collects, urges me to not be late, and then the "Lena N. swear" - in General, all would be well. But when I come for him tonight, he's right behind me, grabs, pulls away, gives no one to talk to, sometimes even cry if I want to stay, something to ask the teacher. I asked him: "someone is offended? " - he says "no", the teacher asked what happened, she said that everything was normal... But something happens?! "
Meeting the child with his mother after a separation of many can tell. Indeed, parents and educators, and psychologists have long noticed that the children are divided conditionally into three groups. Meeting alone with my mother is very similar to the first situation, meeting others on the second. But others, seeing that they came mom, run up to her, say Hello, then run to say goodbye to all or to put in place the toy back to her mother, dress, etc.
Of course, the third situation is much easier and more enjoyable for parents. This development suggests that the child is already well adapted to kindergarten, new friends and orders. Still it shows that the child is sure that her mother is too bad spends her day and she need not worry.
And this suggests that the mode of the day in the family has established that the baby quite well oriented in time, roughly know when you need to finish the game and go home, when mom finishes her mood will come and what things are coming to her and then he.
As a rule, all children come to such an understanding of parting with my parents for the whole day. But not immediately.
Psychologists of the mid-twentieth century, many watched as the little children let go of their parents and how to meet them again. Asked questions for parents about different aspects of their relationship with children. These studies give us an opportunity to understand what is happening with your baby, do not wish to leave the garden, or complaining mother to a non-existent offense.
The fact that the willingness of the child to separation from mother is not only in his understanding that will be around good people and interesting toys. The main thing in this readiness is the preservation of the idea of the mother in his soul, because in her opinion a little child oriented in different situations.
Have you ever noticed how one-year-old child before you take something, glances at her mother, as if to ask: "Can? All right? " A three year old child is not always looking at her mother, but he always tries to "check" in my thoughts: "A mother is not zarugayut? And mom will love it? "
This "reconciliation" easier-to-child, mother is fairly predictable and constant man, and the child knows well what she meant what praises, when what mood she can be. If the child is not very well aware of the mother, he needed her presence to "learn" it and understand what her mood and how she is doing, and generally "everything is okay in the world".
If the mother is a very impulsive nature, and she often changed the mood, or it is too often and unpredictable for a child to come and go with different, confusing him with impressions and emotions, the child can meet her as described in the first situation.
The child is not "ignoring" mom, he knows that she came. But he doesn't know what mood she's in, how was her day, glad it's him or something concerned and not think about it...
That's what the kid when the "don't wants" to leave the garden! He meets with his mother! He just needs time in order to meet her, to feel her, to return to it and go with my mom, clear, and native.
If mom works a lot, tired, worried about work or other "adult" things, and its concerns and experiences often sees the baby, he can meet her as described in the second situation. No one was hurt in the garden! Just he is very worried, not offended if someone mother until he was next to her! Therefore, seeing the mother, he tightly holds her as if to say, "Anyone you will not give up! "
In such a situation, the child can really calm in the morning to gather in the garden (because he wants to help her mother! ), but in the evening his excitement for her becomes too strong, and the little defender (or defender) just can't cope with your emotions.
Note. Different situations occur between adults and children in kindergarten. And not everything in them is so simple as it seems sometimes. Importantly, adults should know is the fact that by his behaviour the child always says something. He cannot say the words, but looking at how he behaves, it is possible to understand a lot about his thoughts, feelings and experiences.
From the book "a Child and a career, or How to be a good parent if You spend all day at work"
Author:
Kravtsov A. M., psychologist, specialist in child counselling and therapy child-parent relationship
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