What to do if a child swears by Mat

Every family sooner or later this happens a rainy day when your child suddenly you dumbfounded by the question "what is...? "or you catch him off guard for writing obscene words in the Elevator, or accidentally hear your gentle and pure child, communicating with peers, uses profanity in its entirety. The first and natural urge to squeal his treasure on the lips and wash his mouth with soap, so next time you teach it. But it is, unfortunately, not an option.



Where does it come from


From everywhere. Out of all of our lives. And it is useless to entertain the illusion that you can protect your child from the Mat. Even if it grows in most cultural and family, where profanity is an absolute taboo to protect her baby ears cannot. As soon as the child comes into contact with real life, pick up this "contagion" he can be anywhere: on the Playground, on a walk in the Park, in the kindergarten, on the break at school, on public transport, on TV, Yes just mindlessly reading all that is written on the walls and fences. In our modern society, as it is not sad, Mat became almost natural and inseparable from ordinary speech. But this does not mean that you should give up the ball that now so they say. Or hope that "self-healing".





How to respond


In any case, not angry, not to shout and not to scold. If the child is still small - up to four years - for the first time possible to pretend that you're nothing heard, skip past the ears, not to focus on "bad" word. Maybe the kid accidentally somewhere heard and repeats it like a parrot. If this situation persists, the child should be in an accessible and gentle, without pressure and accusations to explain that this word is offensive, that it say when you want someone badly hurt; to show that you hate to hear this word; to focus on what your family such words are not used.




To understand, consciously or unconsciously, the child says "forbidden" words, talk to him, ask what, in his opinion, they do. If your child uses them intelligently, as advised by psychologists, is to go to the trick and pick up these words decent replacement - English language, this is quite rich. Here openness is very important: if the baby will notice that you are embarrassed or angry, he may feel guilty and lock.





Like everybody I


Years six to eight, the child typically uses abusive words quite deliberately. Incentives can be very different. The desire to "be like everyone else". The children are very well developed "herd instinct", and if the child were in an environment where the majority of peers swearing, he would seek to emulate them, not to stand out, to be his and to avoid ridicule.




If a child grows up in a dysfunctional family and constant stress from quarrels or indifference constantly busy parents, the Mat is also a way to attract attention, even negative. Children Mat is often mistakenly associated with "maturity" - they think that using profanity, they look older and powerful in the eyes of their friends.




Some psychologists believe that, because the Mat will inevitably be present in the child's environment, parents standing by to explain to him the importance of the major curse words. But to make it clear that the use of them in everyday speech is not a sign of "coolness", and a bad habit, like biting your nails or pick at the nose; that to really win the friendship and trust with them is impossible, but to lose the respect and sympathy - easily. You can play on the feelings of the child, explaining that the Mat is a sign of the times as "childishness" and that in his performance he sounds ridiculous and stupid.




Forbidden fruit




You cannot forbid swearing. Even if the child will likely agree, nothing will prevent him to do it, when you cannot see and cannot hear. In General, ban is the most inefficient method of education: it encourages the child to resist you and do exactly the opposite - "I'm not allowed, but I'm still going! "




If in the family the parents themselves use profanity in dispute, showdown or just hitting with a hammer on finger - you should not require the child to not repeating them. This will result in an insoluble contradiction - "they can, but I can't" - and can embitter the child and lead to latent aggression, he will be secretly pluck their peers.




And it is clear that if the family someone from adults allows himself strong language, a child who repeats them, should not be punished. If you want to fight with profanity, then all together. You can, for example, to set a fine for every swear word - who would not have said.




What becomes everyday, get bored quickly: if the child is old enough, you can provide him to get a notebook and write down everything he wanted to say, in any expression. Or, finally, to give read his dictionary of profanity because what is available and not punishable, very quickly bored.




Attempt at protection




Eight to twelve years old children already understand, where possible, and where not to use swear words; that the house can get on the neck, and in the company of friends to qualify for admiring Pat on the shoulder, and for them at this age it is often more important than parental approval or censure.




In addition to imitation, Mat at this age - it is also a way to feel more confident. It is generally thought that the Mat is not so much an insult as protection. For a child, a teenager, the world is still too hostile, and war is an attempt to hide their weaknesses, to seem stronger. Mat is the output of aggressive emotions, and pediatric and adolescent aggression is one of the stages of personality development, and this will not go away.





A few tips


The main watch his speech. Because everything that is put in the character and habits of the child, originally comes from you. You may be thinking - "he is still small, do not understand," Yes, perhaps. But always remember, especially if you will hear these "forbidden" words often.




If the child said a swear word in front of strangers, do not scold him in public, try to change the subject and pretend that nothing terrible happened. Any disciplinary measures should be applied only alone with the child, otherwise he will feel humiliated and wants to take revenge, try next time to put you in an even more awkward position.




If a child asks you, what does a particular swear word, do not be dismayed, and calmly try and explain. In the end, the key is now taboo expressions came to us from ancient times, pagan Slavs deterred them evil spirits, were saved from the evil eye, and cried out to the fertility of mother earth.




Do not make hasty conclusions: if the child is unknowingly used a curse word, you should not write it in "lost" and to punish severely. Remember yourself as a child: for sure and when you learned of the "forbidden" word could not keep it to themselves.




And, as it is not banal, go together in children's plays, museums, reading good books. This "inoculation culture will be reflected in the future.

Author:

Leshchenko Yu


Source:

Леди@mail.ru

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