In Russia mostly parents were looking for their children of the bridegroom or the bride. In 1920-ies of the family was seen as something purely personal, opposing the interests of the society. Then there was a period when the family was considered a cell state, and unfaithful husbands discussed at party meetings. In the XXI century mores became more free, but the institution of the family has not lost its relevance.Don't take dowry - take Mila girl
Psychologist A. Varga family is regarded as the space of joint activity, inside of which met the specific needs of two people. Family is a complex range of relationships: from natural biological to economic, legal, ethical, socio-psychological, aesthetic. But, like many centuries ago, the couple lay unrealistic expectations on each other. When the romantic period is replaced by a monotonous line of household everyday life, in families begin crises.
Cold calculation
Most of you have probably noticed that despite all the pitfalls of married life is to marry became... fashionable! For the first time in many years, "marriage statistics began to rejoice. The number of marriages actually increases. However, this trend has many contradictions.
So, experts say that the trendy wedding" directly affects the quality of life. The reason for the growing number of marriages in the fact that more and more people are coming to a family and not with the romantic point of view, and from the rational-economic. Actually no one will force you to share with her husband the last piece of sausage. On the contrary, the key to a happy marriage - availability of the inviolable territory of husband and wife.
Tanya and Sergei
Married one week. Tanya - 20 years, Serezha - 24. Met, playing badminton, eight years ago. Before the wedding, met the year.
Serge:
- Met. I fell in love. Were married. Decided to legalize our relationship to have children, to raise them... Hardly fashionable to marry. Guys are afraid of, delay the wedding. They say that early and that there is no money. Don't know what the advantages of civil and official marriage. Not yet felt that after the wedding, something changed. Only the surname of the wife. For me a wedding is a celebration.
Wedding myths
There are many myths that affect family relationships. But every family eventually develops a model of happiness or unhappiness, breaking stereotypes.
Marriage is in heaven, once and for all life
Actually marriage is in the registry office. There he is terminated, if proved unsuccessful. Some like the process that they visit this place many times.
- Marriage is the loss of freedom
Dependent or not is your inner choice. Losing their independence and enter into the marital relationship.
- Any "gifts" to expect from marriage
Scientists have proven that married life very positively affects primarily people suffering from depressive symptoms. Such people, especially a strong need for emotional intimacy, social support provided by family.
Marriage has many advantages:
new name and new relatives in the bargain;
- a positive experience of life together, you may want to file for divorce;
- easier to manage legal issues;
- social status and psychological roles of family people positively perceived by society;
- availability of official family favorable for children.
Quarreled - bed reconcile
In fact, the marriage stands on three pillars: support, sexual relations, an opportunity of personal development in the family. On same sex marriage is unlikely to be able to resist for long. And if you are used to extinguish any conflict in bed, it can lead to neurosis.
Breadwinner and Housewife
And for men, and for women it is important to choose something for everyone to do them. To educate children and to earn money how can a man and a woman. Often the woman entertains the illusion that, if the relationship with your partner is not glued, then the man can be bound by marriage or child. Partner prudent, think again and will certainly change after marriage. Such marriages do not survive the test of time and quickly crumble.
From the marriage, you should not expect...
the relationship will become clear, balanced and will remain forever;
- problems and conflicts;
the spouse will be bound forever;
- if the marriage is of convenience, it will be similar to marriage or love;
the spouse will never look at another (because he now has a wife).
Fashion status
The ring on the finger and the image of married men (married women) are becoming more attractive. Social advertising strongly encourages families to raise the level of childbearing. Fashion windy hippie replaced by a stable fashion on top of men and women. On display kiosks - dozens of magazines about pregnancy.
Light and Stas
Married one day. The Light - 23, Stas - 25. They lived in neighboring houses, before the wedding, met nine years.
Light:
- To the decision to formalize the relationship has pushed the idea of "getting official status". Life is unpredictable. You have to think about the future. Formal marriage is a guarantee in the material plane. Reliability for children. After all, when you divorce the child is at least provided with alimony. The benefits of civil marriage that you can "get out" and nobody owes anything to anybody. I don't think marrying fashionable. Although this ceremony only happens once in a lifetime. For me a wedding is a beautiful tale.
Boris, 21, teacher:
So that it became fashionable, I agree. Show yourself you can. Yes and confidence appeared in the possibility of the divorce process. The world has become a convenient and practical. Civil marriage implies a high degree of confidence. This is the destiny of those who doesn't fit in business and politics. Now all the "businessmen". What's the deal without a contract?
Alexander, 22, translator:
I think that, first of all, came the fashion for children, hence it is the fashion for marriage. I think this is largely due to the growth of well-being. There is no difference. Legal marriage is a mere formality. Wedding is one of the most important rites of passage from one status to another.
Pasha, 28, accountant:
- Fashion wedding reception there. But I, in spite of this, a supporter of civil marriages. It seems to me that the person calms down, when to get married, and it brings a certain routine in the relationship.
Why do people get married
Sociologists have identified three motives: love marriage, by calculation and by pattern.
Marriage pattern. In this case triggered the judgment: "All my friends are already married? And I'm white crow? In such cases, often the girl chooses from several candidates preferred. Marriage pattern often develops into a love marriage. The number of marriages template takes approximately 9-23 % of the total number.
A marriage of convenience
called a marriage in which one or both spouses have highly their pragmatic goals. Often the indicator of marriage one of the spouses is much older than the other. For example, there is evidence that in Moscow there is a market bogus brides. Fake marriage for citizenship - costs on average from 500 to 5 thousand dollars. 5-9 % of marriages performed by calculation.
Love marriage
is actually the most durable. The survey data show that from 72 to 86 % of people marry for love.
Civil relationships
Around the theme of civil marriage has always been a lot of controversy and disagreement. From a psychological point of view the relationship, not decorated in the registry office, can symbolize freedom. On the other hand, civil marriage requires more trust for each other. That married guaranteed by the state (alimony, division of matrimonial assets) remains only on the conscience of the spouses.
The very phrase "stamp in the passport" sounds like something eternal, binding, binding. Many couples don't see the difference between civil and official marriage and believe that the wedding is only needed in the case of pregnant women. That is, in fact, for many wedding turned into a "legitimizing" the birth of the child.
Inna and Kolya
Married one year. Both 23. Met six years ago at University. Before the wedding, met three years.
Inna:
- Decided to define their relations to relatives and friends, to find a more distinct status for each other. To arrange a feast for the whole world. After the wedding I became more comfortable feel with male relatives. I became calmer and more confident in the relationship with her husband. In my opinion, to marry has become fashionable. Perhaps it's something from the series "show yourself". Some aspects of status in society. At least among girls is considered prestigious to wear her husband's surname and the ring on her finger. The wedding is sort of a rite of passage.
As you noticed, a lot has remained unexplored in the matter of the wedding. Only your own experience can help you answer the most controversial issues. Marry! And share your experience with us!
Natalia Kedrova, Gestalt therapist:
Fortunately or unfortunately, but the wedding won't save you from newlyweds searches "good shape" for the common life, the model of the relationship between two people in which they could be themselves, to grow, to change and to maintain emotional closeness. It is an inevitable part of the work of people who have decided to be together.
Wedding is an event which involves not only two, but still a large audience more or less interested parties. Marriage is sometimes a way to fix the relationship, to get support from others, to admit to significant people of the importance of relationships. And sometimes it's a way to protect themselves from the desire to flee after a meeting with the inevitable conflicts and contradictions.
A wedding is a message to others about the importance of relations between two people of your choice, hoping for a good outcome. It is also a hidden message to ourselves and each other about this hope, which can easily lead to disappointment, because in modern marriages more hope than promises and mutual obligations. The expectation of happiness and a great life. And the biggest disappointment when it turns out that the wedding doesn't make no one happy.
Author:
Chlumova E.
Source:
Our psychology
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