A precise definition of this feeling is not in any textbook. Perhaps because for many years studied psychology and psychotherapy were treated losers, neurotics, people insecure. And positive feelings attention is not attracted. As a result, such a pleasant and useful things, as self-love, self-esteem, good self-esteem and confidence, remained in the shadows.The formula of love for the first time tried to take in the late nineteenth century, the American philosopher and psychologist William James (William James). In "Principles of psychology" he described "the formula of love", or "the formula of self-esteem", for him these concepts were synonymous. The formula is a fraction, the numerator of our achievements, and the denominator of claims, that is, goals that we set for ourselves. When the fraction is less than one, we feel losers, when greater than or equal to her - are you satisfied with yourself, love yourself. According to James, the love of self is a feeling that occurs when a small difference between our claims and actual achievements. Its formula and today remains the only successful attempt to define this feeling. Try to consider and describe it a bit more.
Loving yourself gives you the opportunity to take their weaknesses and strengths, evaluating them to realize their uniqueness, with the understanding that you are imperfect.
Confidence helps to overcome the difficulties of life. It is directly related to our ability to act, make decisions and be responsible for them.
Self-esteem gives an idea of our capabilities, qualities and location among others.
Assessment plus
In General, the love of self is the source of feelings of self-esteem, our self-esteem. When it is excessively low, you experience self-blame, self-doubt, inferiority complex. When self-esteem is too high, and the discrepancy between the claims and the real possibilities is enormous, our behavior becomes inappropriate, we always have emotional breakdowns, anxiety.
Interestingly, those of us who are too realistic, always are in a state of mild depression, but calmly and confidently feels he who is able to maintain positive illusions, considers himself to be, for example, more intelligent or knowledgeable than you really are. American psychiatrists Robert Ornstein and David Sobel (Robert Ornstein and David Sobel) found: when that person is told, for example, that he "stingy", "charming", "power", "witty" or "a little aggressive", it is more likely to remember the word "plus": "charming", "witty", and perhaps "aggressive". "Better to overestimate himself and immediately forget worrying characteristics, say the researchers. Because our sense of self is merely a construct of the mind, and it's in our interests that she gave us as much positive emotions".
If it is not love...
To understand what self-love, we can reverse. What happens to a man when he himself does not? How is his life, what he feels? "As a rule, such people are careless about their appearance, prone to self-flagellation: when they are hurt or deceive, they think they deserve it, " says an existential psychotherapist Svetlana Krivtsov. They are not engaged in their health, do not take sick leave because sure to take care of themselves is pointless for someone like me. They are interested to work, thinking what else they just do not have because anything in life pleasant and interesting for them not happening. They believe that they have no right to happiness, and therefore live, just giving him tolerable existence, not bringing a special satisfaction. According to psychotherapist Tatiana Budnik, there are some obvious signs of dislike to him.
What we like more?
Such as today, or what were in the past? Psychologists canadian University of Waterloo Michael Ross and Ann Wilson (Michael Ross, Anne Wilson) conducted a study which found the answer to this question. It turned out that present themselves, we believe more intelligent, tolerant, generous. These positive illusions help us to live, to love yourself and those dear to us. Because of this psychological mechanism, researchers believe, we are calm and confident, that age is not in vain and that every passing year is a step in our progression.
A critical attitude.
Alexander reputation desperate criticism: all it finds and exposes the shortcomings. In fact, these accusations are not loving yourself man, only blame. To hate myself too painful, he projects his claims on others and "air" his irritation.
Verizonwireless.
Translator Anna rarely gets up from the computer before midnight: it is eternally reigns ready pages, trying to bring them to perfection. However, it is all over: Anna tries any work to perform perfectly - it seems absolutely necessary that others loved her.
Absolute compromise.
One of the saddest ways to adapt to life - to take on the role of always and for all a pleasant person. Such people are never satisfied with themselves really. Compromise - their constant destiny. And yet they prefer this state, because the alternative to it is complete loneliness.
Exaggeration
(bragging). 30-year-old boy many consider to be overly self-confident and vain: not only familiar, but unfamiliar people he loves detail and good taste to talk about their professional and male success enviable business acquaintances... He can endlessly list its advantages - real and imaginary. He tries to convince the other so Intrusive that, it seems, and convinces himself. He thinks that love is always something due, showing himself as if buys recognition.
Self-effacing.
The reverse situation: a person maintains a pejorative image of himself. He hoped that other, "regretting" it will not wait too much from him, will refrain from criticism, and perhaps will like him sympathy. This is one way to adapt to the inner feeling of emptiness.
Anger
. About 40-year-old Zoe rightly say that it is capable of a scandal where and with whom you want. But her real problem is that she is dissatisfied neither himself, nor his life.
A feeling of inferiority creates a feeling of anger. When the anger directed at ourselves, we feel irritated and overwhelmed. Much easier to pour it on others.
Cynicism and suspicion. Marina't believe anyone: she carefully checks and store checks, and the pockets of his 14-year-old son. Her problem is that she is projecting on people distrust of herself. Needless to say that most often it is mistaken in his suspicions!
Being in a state of internal conflict with ourselves, we unconsciously seek psychological defense mechanisms, trying to resist a hostile world or defend against it. But this strategy of life only exacerbates the problem. A person who loves themselves, trust themselves, there is no need to attack or hide: quiet confidence gives you the opportunity to live in peace with yourself and others.
Source:
Senses.ru
No comments:
Post a Comment