How often do we hear the hackneyed phrase: "Jealous, it means love"! Nothing like: jealous, so doubt you or ourselves. If you still don't know what jealousy, what I will say is jealousy, it is nothing like fear. Fear to be left alone, alone. The fear of being humiliated. The fear of appearing ridiculous in anyone's eyes. The fear of losing a loved one. Fear of losing benefits associated with the presence of the beloved in the life of a jealous man. Jealousy is bad, and therefore it is very important to know how you can get rid of jealousy, how to learn to cope with it? Jealous to anyone and to anything: books, when my wife reads a lot and very little time on the husband pays; to the mother and friends of the wife, with whom she spends more time, and with whom she communicates more openly than with the beloved man. Jealous of you for a pet, child, neighbor, to the computer, to the past...
The origins of jealousy come from childhood. Remember, out psychologists expression that all our fear and problems from childhood? Now, jealousy is the same fear, and this fear was also registered in our brain in childhood. The jealousy of the child, of course, was in relation to beloved parents, Papa and Mama. All that prevented the love of child to parents, automatically causes jealousy if the family in everyday life he loses maternal or paternal love.
Many people think that the child may be jealous of their parents only to their brothers and sisters. Yes, of course, this kind of jealousy is the place to be, especially if the age difference between the children is less than 3-5 years: as the younger brother or sister then pays much more attention than the older, and deprived of parental love he feels very unhappy and blames his opponent - another child.
But this, though very common, but still a special case of the children of jealousy. Children also jealous of parents to their work, their Hobbies, their friends, and if you learn about an extramarital affair favorite dad or mom, so immediately imbued with respect for its object a burning hatred.
If the child is to spend time, not formally, but with the soul, if it is to love and to give a child! to feel his love, he will likely grow up to be confident and calm person, who if will feel jealous, it is in moderation and for a real reason.
However, too much parental love can be a source of jealousy in the future, because then raised the child will assume that all need to be worn with it, as with the king, " because it was worn by his parents. So love mom and dad, too, should be in moderation, no kinks, no exaggerated. Fear of extremes!
If the child is 10 years old and his school escorts and from school meets the mother or grandmother, if a father tells his son that there is good and what is bad, if parents are too much in control of their child, as an adult, he too will be frantically grasping for control, as the main means of self-assertion.
What's most sad is that parents are in control, too watch over your child after 3 years, grown child in turn will control his wife and then his children, and so ad infinitum, if not to interrupt this vicious practice of balanced attitude to life and other people's feelings.
Jealousy and other bad feelings
Not for nothing do they say that from love to hate one step. But often in this chain is implemented yet, and jealousy, and it turns out that from love to jealousy, and then to hate is also not very far. This is the main danger of jealousy - she often serves as a catalyst for the break in relations.
Close to jealousy, in addition to love and hate, another "wonderful" human feeling - envy. Envy and jealousy are two sides of the same coin. But envy is different from feelings of jealousy because it is aimed towards indifferent to envy or even disagreeable subject or object. And jealousy is the same as envy, only in relation to a loved one that roads jealous.
Envy occurs when one person has something which is not another. And jealousy with this sense in many ways - twins. We become jealous when we feel a certain lack of access to the object of his love, when we realize that he has those links and relationships that we have with him.
With these feelings is so beautiful, repeatedly praised by women and deservedly lousy therapists feeling as passion. Passion is not love, and it must be understood very clearly. Passion arises when its object is not available, then and kindled in the heart, soul and other places of the person to prove that he can win and obey master is unavailable.
I.e., again, passion is just another opportunity to assert themselves. Sometimes in a fit of passion, self-assertive, mistaken, that love, both participants. However, if the unavailability provokes passion and thereby brings people together, envy and jealousy, owing to some inaccessible object of passion, divide them.
For reference: love the feeling of calm, it does not fall into madness, and Vice versa, without any calculation, sacrifice themselves in the name of a loved one as many times as necessary. In the passion of the calculation is also sometimes does not happen (though unconscious, he is always there - for example, to get over someone control, to increase their own importance, to grasp, even for someone not to be one), and victims out there very often, but passion instantly begins to decline as soon as the object becomes fully available, but love at this stage does not end there.
As for jealousy, man, haven't received in his childhood dose of parental love, starting with his first love, and usually ending with the last, being jealous, rolls, coils and rushes through her boundless expanses, like crazy. What is most interesting, in a fit of jealousy as if a person falls into a passion - he temporarily ceases to adequately assess the situation, his words and deeds, words and actions of a jealous person.
I'm jealous: what to do?
But when the passion goes, jealous yourself very hard to understand what is actually going on and whether his loved one is cheating, whether he himself raises.
As someone who repeatedly suffered from terrible feelings of jealousy in his passion, I highly recommend all jealous not to tear my hair is such a powerful and destructive feelings they will eventually turn gray, as I have, and take your legs and go either to the regional center, or to the capital to visit a good therapist (if your city is not their good people).
Because in this state it is difficult to estimate correctly the good advice of one or more therapists will help you to become sober and already pure jealousy eyes adequately and objectively assess the situation, to understand if any reason to be jealous, and if they are, what to do next.
Address to the psychologist or the psychotherapist is the best way to get rid of jealousy, because either you have it in yourself suffocate, or it will kill your love. You just have to understand the mechanism of action of feelings of jealousy, to realize how devastating can be the consequences, if not in time to stop.
And if jealousy was reasonably, then again, the therapist will help you through these hard times, come to terms with the betrayal of a loved one and to develop a strategy for future life, to decide what to do next - continue to live with this person, to forgive or to terminate such relationship to all relatives dog.
Why jealous
A classic example of unfounded jealousy, the husband is unfaithful to his wife, he is ashamed of his wife, the guilt grew to unprecedented limits, and to remove the accumulated in the soul of the voltage... he accuses his wife of infidelity. As they say: translated arrow with a sick head on healthy. And so my wife was annoyed that it almost came to divorce. And only due to the fact that almost at the last moment the husband appealed to the therapist, who has squandered all ball this bad history, quoth he managed to overcome his jealousy and save the marriage. Yes, life is a messy thing.
This option jealousy is often found in life and with other conditions: one of the spouses wants to change, but are afraid, or mentally modifies wife with other girls, engaged in Masturbation on pictures in magazines or on the Internet. Again - it occurs before the wife guilt if not for the real and imaginary treason, and to relieve the tension, he begins blagovirnuy be accused of all mortal sins, thereby discharging the arrow to itself.
In a relationship it is very important to understand when you begin to deceive ourselves and to fool around. Seemingly innocent lies ultimately too often leads to disappointment, scandals, threats, accusations, divorce. We must learn to be honest with yourself and not to manipulate others.
But when a jealous man, even to remove his own soul the sin of adultery (real or fictional), starts to scold the wife of infidelity, then over time he begins to believe in his words, and already lights up jealousy and hatred for his wife not-child and adult-like.
Be afraid of your thoughts and words - they are material. And accusations of jealousy in General have a bad feature is that they come true. After all, if the wife 500 times to say that she is her husband changed, it is really at 501 times will go and will guide the missus horns, only he is behind her, just to tell him, "Yes, dear, you're right - I changed" or to justify his worst fears.
Jealousy as a matter of pride
Many young boys and girls love to show off his jealousy, as if demonstrating to others thereby the strength of his feelings. But in jealousy there is nothing good: even the word "jealousy" is the root of "roar", it means, from jealousy roar, and what's good?
Think of the Crusades? They also considered himself a zealous servants of God, and who from their zealous attitude to faith better? Thousands of dead young boys and Mature men, rivers of blood, a sea of hatred and pain.
And jealousy generally like different kinds of sacrifices, especially bloody. Look at the statistics of crime: domestic mail in the heat of jealousy takes a huge amount of killings, intentional causing of harm to life and health of people of medium and high severity.
I personally do not think Othello handsome - for to strangle the woman I love because of some sort of scarf and own unjustified, unwarranted and unproven suspicion is somehow not that cruel, but simply stupid.
And how many Queens of their loving but jealous kings, PENOSIL head guillotine in the name of jealousy - even justified! And how many young men died from the hands of a jealous husbands (read only "the Wife of constable" Balzac).
Did jealousy someone happy? Well, unless you count all those numerous murders and injuries, then Yes, did she meets, if not kills, vanity someone jealous.
Because jealousy loving person would like very sharply raises the importance of the object of jealousy - it feels right, dear, loved, important person, as if erected on a pedestal of inspired worship. But it is not necessary to build yourself an idol - this activity is punishable, first and foremost, always suffers "idol". After all, the enjoyment of someone else's jealousy is manipulation, especially if it is conscious.
Many girls want to know how would be better, Yes more serious cause of jealousy from her boyfriend. And in vain, because when there in a relationship jealousy disappears trust, and only a masochist would marry a woman, about decency which he
there is already big doubts.
Unfortunately, many modern women believe it is acceptable to manipulate the feelings of a loved one, stuffing themselves, and not realizing that making a truly loving person to suffer the pangs of jealousy, they are digging their love to the grave and are dispersed by the wind a chance to marry this guy. Of course, there are men masochists, but much less than women masochistic.
That's why so many guys in time to catch the game of your favorite making him jealous in the case without him, and take his hands away from such girls.
Jealousy and how to get rid of it. Tips injured including 2
Author:
Dibrova Century
Source:
ForLove.com.ua
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