Finally, the sense of authority is that it does not require any evidence that it is accepted as undoubted advantage of older, his power and value, visible, so to speak, a simple child's eye.
Father and mother in the eyes of a child should have this authority. We often hear the question: what to do with the child if he does not listen? This is the most "tired" and has a sign that parents in his eyes does not have the authority.
Where does parental authority, how it is organized?
Those parents whose children do not obey", sometimes tend to think that the authority is given by nature, that it was a special talent. If the talent is there, and do nothing, we can only envy him who has such a talent there. These parents are wrong. The authority may be arranged in each family, and it's not even a very difficult task.
Unfortunately, there are parents who organize such authority on false grounds. They strive to make their children obey, it is their aim. But actually this is a bug. Authority and obedience cannot be the target. The goal can be only one: proper upbringing. Only for this one purpose, it is necessary to strive. Children's obedience can be only one path to this goal. Those parents who are about the real objectives of education, I do not think, encourage obedience to the obedience. If children are obedient, parents live calmer. This is the most calm and is their real aim. In fact it always comes out that neither peace nor obedience is not stored for a long time. Authority, built on false grounds, only for a very short time helps, soon everything is destroyed, there is no authority, nor obedience. It also happens that parents encourage obedience, but all of the other goals of education in the paddock: grow, however, obedient, but weak people.
There are many varieties of such false authority. We consider here a more or less detail dozen of these varieties. I hope that after such consideration, it will be easier to figure out what should be the real authority.
Authority suppression.
This is the worst kind of authority, though not the most harmful. Most such authority suffer fathers. If the father of the house is always crying, always angry, for every little thing, beginning to thunder, with all convenient and inconvenient case grabs a stick or belt, each question is rude, blame each child notes punishment, it is the authority suppression. Such paternal terror keeps at Bay the entire family, not just children, but the mother. It is harmful not only because it intimidates children, but also because it makes the mother a zero creature that can only be a servant. No need to prove how harmful such authority. He never brings up, he only teaches children to stay away from the terrible old man, he calls the baby lies and human cowardice, and at the same time, it educates the child cruelty. From scored and weak-willed children go then either pathetic, worthless, or abroad, throughout his life avenging for a repressed childhood. The wild variety of the authority is only a very uncultured parents and in recent times, fortunately, is dying out.
The authority of the distance.
There are fathers and mothers who seriously are convinced that children are listened to, we need less talking to them, to stay away, only occasionally act as bosses. Especially loved this view in some of the old intelligentsia families. Here very often my father some separate office from which it appears occasionally as high priest. Dines it separately, fun separately, even their orders entrusted to him the family he passes through the mother. There are mothers: they have their own life, their interests, their thoughts. Children are the responsibility of the grandmother or even the housekeeper. Needless to say that such authority does not bring any benefit, and such a family cannot reasonably be called an organized family.
The authority of swagger.
This is a special kind of authority distances, but perhaps more harmful. Each person has their merits. But some people believe that they are the most honored, the most important figures, and show the importance of each step, show and their children. At home they are even more pigada and inflates than at work, they are only doing what you talking about its merits, they are arrogant to the rest of the people. It happens very often that, fascinated by the sight of the father, begin to sanitise and children. For my mates, they also act not only as boastful word, every step of repeating: my dad is the boss, my dad is a writer, my father is a commander, my dad is a celebrity. In this atmosphere of arrogance important dad can't understand, where are his children, and whom he educates. Meet such authority and mothers: some special dress, an important meeting, a trip to the resort - all this gives them a reason to swagger, to separate from other people and from their own children.
The authority of pedantry.
In this case, parents pay more attention to children, more work, but work as bureaucrats. They believe that children need every parent to listen to the word with trepidation that their word is sacred. His orders they give a cold tone, and once it is given, it immediately becomes a law. Such parents are most afraid of, as if the children had not thought that the Pope was wrong that the Pope man is not solid. If the Pope said: "it will rain Tomorrow, walk no", then at least tomorrow was good weather, yet it is believed that walking cannot. Dad didn't like any movie, he forbade the children to go to the movies, including the good paintings. Dad punished the child, then it was found that the child is not to blame, as it seemed at first, the Pope would not annul his sentence: once I said, it should be. Every day is enough for this Pope's works, in every movement of the child he sees a violation of law and order and stick to it with the new laws and directives. The child's life, his interests, his growth pass by this Pope quietly; he sees nothing but his bureaucratic commanding position in the family.
The authority of reasoning. In this case, parents literally seizes the child's life endless sermons and didactic conversations. Instead of saying to a child a few words, maybe even in a joking tone, parent leans him against himself and starts boring and annoying it. Such parents believe that teaching is the main pedagogical wisdom. In such a family is always a little joy and smiles. Parents strive to be virtuous, they want in the eyes of children to be infallible. But they forget that children are not adults, that children have their own life and what you need in this life to respect. The child lives more emotionally, more passionately than an adult's, he is less able to engage in discourse. The habit of thinking come to him gradually and slowly, and the constant ranting parents, their permanent itchy and talkativeness are almost completely in their minds. In retenerte parents children can not see any authority.
The authority of love. We are the most common type of false authority. Many parents are convinced that children are listened to, they need to be loved, parents, and to deserve this love, it is necessary at each step to show their love of a parent. Tender words, endless caressing kiss, caress, recognition showered on the children in a completely excessive. If the child does not listen, he immediately asked: "So you daddy not love you? " Parents jealously watching the expression of a child's eyes and require tenderness and love. Often the mother when the child tells a friend: "He loves scary dad and scary loves me, he's such a gentle child... "
This family is so immersed in the sea of sentimentality and tender feelings that already nothing else notices. Overlooked by parents are many important things of family education. The child should do for the love of the parents.
In this line a lot of dangerous places. Here grows a family selfishness. Children, of course, lacks the strength of this love. Very soon they notice that mom and dad as you like to cheat, you only need to do it with a gentle expression. Mom and dad can even be intimidating, it is only necessary to expand and to show that love begins to flow. From an early age, the child begins to understand that people can be poligrafica. And since he can't love as much, and other people, podygryvaet to them already without any love, with a cold and cynical calculation. Sometimes it happens that the love of parents is maintained for a long time, but all the other people are seen as foreign and alien to them no sympathy, no sense of camaraderie.
This is a very dangerous kind of authority. He grows insincere and deceitful selfish. And very often the first victims of such selfishness become parents themselves.
The authority of kindness. This is the most stupid kind of authority. In this case, children's obedience is also available through the children's love, but she is not called the kissing and the words, flexibility, softness, kindness to parents. Mom or dad are in front of the child in the image of the good angel. They all allow, they are not sorry, they are not stingy, they are wonderful parents. They are afraid of any conflicts, they prefer family world, they are ready anything to donate, if only all was well. Very soon in the family children are just starting to command the parents, parent nonresistance opens a wide space for children's desires, whims and requirements. Sometimes parents allow yourself a little resistance, but too late, the family has formed a harmful experience.
The authority of friendship.
Quite often the children were not born, and between the parents is already agreement: our children are our friends. In General it is a good thing. Father and son, mother and daughter can be friends and should be friends, but parents remain the older members of the family team, and the children are still children. If the friendship will reach the extreme limits, education stops or starts opposite process: children begin to educate parents. Such families can sometimes be observed among the intelligentsia. In these families the children call parents Petya or Marusici, laugh at them, roughly torn teaches every step, no obedience can not be and speeches. But here there is no friendship, because friendship is not possible without mutual respect.
Authority knowledge you will also authority care. In every child's life there are many cases when he does not know what to do, when he needs advice and help. Maybe he doesn't ask you for help, because I do not know how to do this, you must come with.
Often this assistance may be provided to direct the Council, sometimes in jest, sometimes in order, sometimes even in order. If you know your child's life, you will see how to do best. Often, this assistance should be provided in a special way. Need is either to take part in the children's game, or to get acquainted with fellow children, or to visit the school and talk with the teacher. If your family has several children, and this is the happy case, to the case of such assistance can be attracted older brothers and sisters.
Parental assistance should not be Intrusive, annoying, and tedious. In some cases it is absolutely necessary to give the child to get out of trouble, he needs to get used to overcome obstacles and resolve more complex issues. But you can always see the child performs this operation, it is impossible to suppose that he tripped and fell into despair. Sometimes even necessary, that the child saw your alertness, attention and trust to his forces.
Authority assistance
careful and attentive guides will happily supplemented by the authority of knowledge. The child will feel your presence next to him, your reasonable care of it, your insurance, but at the same time, he will know that you had something require that you are not going to do everything for him, to relieve him of the responsibility.
It is the line of responsibility is another important line of parental authority. In any case, the child should not think that your family and they have your pleasure or entertainment. He should know that you are responsible not only for ourselves but for him to society. Do not be afraid to openly and firmly say son or daughter that they brought up that they need to have a lot to learn, that they should grow good citizens and good people that parents are responsible for achieving this goal, they are not afraid of this responsibility. In this line of responsibility are beginning to not only help, but also requirements. In some cases, this requirement must be expressed in its most severe form, domineering. By the way, I must say that such a claim can only be made with advantage, if the authority responsible has already been created in view of the child. Even in the very small age he should feel that his parents do not live together with him on a desert island.
Authority needed in the family. It is necessary to distinguish between a real authority from false authority, based on the artificial principles and seeking to create obedience by any means.
Author:
Pakhomova A.
Source:
mama.uz
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