I cannot imagine my life without you
To live by the interests of a loved one, to take part in all the Affairs to remember, with whom he has a meeting, how much sugar to put in tea and what the score was won by Zenit. There are women who see this as the meaning of life. Sort of Chekhov's "the darling", is simply not able to live alone. For them even a short separation from her lover turns into torture, to relieve which can only tears, complaints on the forums and love SMS every five minutes.
Only psychologists believe this attitude is not sverlova, and a kind of psychological dependence. If alone with myself you're bored, dull and gloomy lonely, love is not a panacea and does not exit. On the contrary, you need to direct the energy to work on yourself, find your own "I" and the recognition of this "I" vivid and interesting. And only then love will be the gift, not painful, no matter how bitter, sometimes annoying affection.
In addition, in case of any problems in the relationship, "darling," get lost and immersed in the abyss of sorrow and longing, instead of effectively cope with difficulties.
But this does not mean that the life of a loved one you should be indifferent. Empathy and compassion in difficult situations, support for which he certainly hopes that is an integral part of a strong relationship. For example, according to specialists, in conflict with someone on the third people should always stand on the side of the partner (if he has not committed villainy or treachery), and to comment you home alone, softly and calmly. In General, as someone said of the great love is when you do not think of his own happiness without happiness of this man. (But happiness and a "permanent presence", agree, not one and the same.)
We should not be secrets
To share any of their experiences, from problems at work to a broken nail, sincerely put whatever you think about his mom, friends and future tummy (need to be honest), is not an indicator of the sincerity of the relationship. Honesty should be primarily emotional, but a sense of tact and respect has not been canceled.
Another bottleneck in such relationships - personal space. To have access to email and ICQ loved is one thing, but to use them without very good reason ("just curious, who do you communicate" does not apply to that) is quite another. Everyone needs personal space, which does not invade even the closest people. And not because they do not trust. This need for psychological comfort and harmony, to feel self-sufficient person, take a break from relationships and... a little bit for them to get bored. Under the personal space, by the way, psychologists involve not only the rack of t-shirts, phone and computer, but also the time that a person spends separately from a partner, alone or with friends, colleagues and relatives.
Of course, the needs in a relationship are different. One fairly meet up with friends once a month, another needed a couple of hours daily to view the "house" and coffee drinking in silence. This does not mean that one loves stronger than the other, this same individual feature, how does the love of coffee (or house).
If you put pressure on your partner, striving constantly to be close, gently hugging and expressing his affection, he will subconsciously seek freedom even more. Perhaps such relationships excitedly good only at a very early stage of love.
In addition, the faster we are looking for a gentle merge, the sooner the person gets away from us. Enough to slow down and change direction, and he will gladly go next.
But this does not mean that the relationship should be based on the principle business of the partnership, with different purses and separate rest. Such an open relationship is a direct path to the distance and indifference. There is "gold" minimum common factors, the neglect of which will inevitably turn unifying "we" completely Autonomous "he" and "she".
Lose yourself in each other
Why not make the interests of their own partner? After all, diving and fishing, if you think about it, not worse embroidery cross stitch, yoga and cake decorating marzipan paste. Yes and Sasha Vitalik and girls dostoina alternative student friends, especially since the meetings with latest favorite now and then yawned furtively. And common Hobbies and friends pull together even more, you can virtually dissolve in each other. That's just "dissolve in each other" doesn't sound quite right, usually the one is dissolved in someone else losing their individuality. If instead of this interest is a sham, sooner or later it will manifest itself in irritation of one and, as a consequence, sincere insult another: "it Turns out that you're not distinguish Ronaldo from Ronaldinho? ".
In addition, losing your own Hobbies, we lose part of ourselves, perhaps, the one that loved partner.
But this does not mean that you should not try to interest their favorite Hobbies or to get acquainted with his childhood friends. It is likely that some interests may indeed become the joint. If this does not happen, hobby should not exist due to obdelenie partner attention and care.
Source:
Леди@mail.ru
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