Try rasmei!
To paraphrase Bulgakov's Cat Behemoth, say that it is impossible to work in an atmosphere of harassment on the part of envious! It seems that relationships at work there themselves, they create and support others, and we are lucky or not with "office aura". Actually nothing of the sort! A lot depends on us. Each word, phrase, look we create this atmosphere. So let's take on some responsibility for this and will try to understand what and how we can change.
I urge you in the ranks of people that adds to the world of light and warmth. To change, to act, to learn with joy! Remember the main points.
Joy, laughter, humor is no less important feelings than the seriousness, the suffering, responsibility, fear, tension. Laugh man, incidentally, is much more difficult than to knock him tear it know all the creators of the series. Pleasure should not be a rare reward, which must struggle to achieve and to which we should strive for a whole year, full of suffering. It must be a process! For starters, if you are studying or working with people, try a week to get from your work fun. And suddenly you will enjoy?
Imagine that inside each of us there is some sun, and it is, incidentally, also very tired, if we don't give him opportunities to Shine.
If you've ever fly in an airplane in the cloudy, cloudy weather, you are familiar with this effect: the plane breaks through the clouds up and when he leaves them at the bottom, comes in bright sunlight.
The sun, it turns out, did not disappear, it was always behind these clouds, just couldn't through them to break. This is what happens to us: we inside this sun is, only it deep and hidden. And there are people who you'll never see it, they always gloomy weather.
Golden key
Suppose you wanted to raise colleagues mood. What will you do? As a rule, we immediately go to your "inner storehouse of positive emotions and take out what pleases us. If you want, on its own initiative and in their own way to improve the mood of the person, it works, but with reservations. Because this is a big lottery have guessed right or not". You will supply the music, and suddenly this artist he can't stand or he generally headache? You offer him coffee, and he said, "I don't drink coffee, I have it pressure jumps". - "Maybe in the movies? "Yes I hate movies! " In the end, you don't want to offer. Anyway, he went away with his bad mood!
But every person inside the storehouse of positive emotions are already there! Instead give him something, enough to make he opened it and pulled himself what he likes. The fact that he is always with you! Relatively speaking, you just need to be able to find the key to this case.
Agree, that is much nicer to work with people whose eyes are burning! I love Sunny weather, and if I had a remote control by the sun, I would love them used from time to time, when tired of winter and slush.
So, you noticed the moment the words when your buddy starts to break the rays of the sun. And then? If you stop halfway, you will just see the sunlight. Too bad! But if you really ask: what else? The condition of the person answering the question, what he likes, so changed that he begins to advise: and yet here I good at it! And that's what I love! Because all work-related issues and problems in this state and it makes sense to discuss when a person has no limits - and if I can, will I, will I? It was at this point he realizes that he can do much more than think. And than think about it around. He understands that people are good people that they can negotiate and find common ground.
It makes no sense to solve business problems or something to plan with someone who is not in the best mood. He has a lot of effort to bring myself up. Well, if he hears at least one-tenth of the information that you are trying to convey to him. Therefore it is not customary to go to the boss with some new offer or request, when it is not in the spirit", as it is customary to ask the secretaries. Your information, overcoming a large number of obstacles and antitank hedgehogs, can lead to very strange results, sometimes the opposite. This does not mean that the person on the other end of the wicked or worthless, just his mind at this moment cannot differently to respond. He can't produce any other result.
Fertilizer for bad feelings
What are you trying to do, if you see that your partner is in a bad mood? Will it convince? Or to say, "Well, don't fret! "? Or sympathize? "Just sign it, and I will leave you alone with your grief! " Or, "You're wrong, actually all good, you just think that everything is bad! " There are still a wonderful way to try this is to buy a candy bar.
All of these methods are not suitable, throw them out of your head! Let's start with the fact that emotion is a biochemical process. The release of certain hormones in the blood. And now he sits in his dark biochemistry, as you say, actually all is well!
What will he think? 'll think you're just a man from another planet. Of course, you have everything there, you would be his problem! While you're at his place to sit - he has a nightmare, a nightmare! Any logical reasoning against biochemistry will not work. It's still something to convince a drunken man, he behaves unseemly. Actually the person who is in a bad mood, partly drunk. He has the same altered state, it is logical to try to convince him means to look like a fool, and therefore do not attempt.
The second phrase: "You just do not worry! " Let me remind you about the particle "not" she is unconscious is not perceived, but because our interlocutor hears: "Worry! " He starts more nervous he becomes even worse. You are very compassionate facial expression just add more fuel to the fire, trample his corn, pour salt on the wounds. If you think you are a great help. But the salt on the wound as a therapeutic drug has already refused to even alchemists. Already invented anesthesia.
There is another way: to announce something. I was an exemplary case. Once I was sitting in a bad mood, I was 19 years, and I had some love drama. Came to me, a very good friend, classmate, and says: let's drink beer with you, and at you all will be! C'mon! After we drank a beer, I couldn six months or drink beer, or to see the classmate. I felt even worse - first, from beer, and secondly, from her boyfriend. And actually from what my inner sadness and melancholy tightly contacted with both of them. Only after I drank beer in very good company and in a very good mood, drink was rehabilitated. So there is a risk that you can damage the relationship of man to all products, which you are at this moment trying to fill. Remind - biochemistry!
The more we humans take - the worse it will become. Of course, when he will cry, he might feel better. But first, feel better after this you is not known, and secondly, it is unclear how quickly he recovers. Still, this is a risky method. Imagine that you have weeds, but instead of weed, you start to water them. They then grow very large! Pity is what you watered negative feelings.
What you can really help is to take and switch depressed.
The case first aid
1. In the first and the second RA-a-ascitis!
Try literally change the physical state: force person to stand, walk. At the very least you can pour water is a well - known way of dealing with hysteria. Get them to do physical exercises, especially now it works with itself. If you sit in a bent, twisted position (preferably with his head down), it's hard to think of something good. Now stand up, stretch, look around, straighten your shoulders, look up and... try to get upset, remaining in the same position. Fail! The body launches a completely different program. After the massage, there are bouts of joy of life, because muscle clamps are relaxed and the body are communicated to other emotions. And the mind is the intellect has nothing to do with. People biologically seeks pleasure as any animal, and nothing wrong with that.
2. Click!
If you know where the person is "button", you can switch it in a pleasant way. Not sure whether it helps with deep depressions but now we're not talking about clinical cases and on the domestic conditions that around each of us happen every day.
Just pull out one click and enable the other. For example: "Natalya M., and what says your son from the army? ", "Kostya, is it true that your movie in the Internet is nominated for the contest? ".
At this point people even through the tears begin to listen to what you say, the rays of the sun begin to break through the clouds. To find these points exactly at the critical moment pointless if you don't know them, it is better not to touch. Therefore, the followers of "psichologist" act differently. If you know what man Shine eye can hoard these little surprises.
If to be a little more attentive to our neighbor and to pay attention to what he's having fun, then you can remember: yeah, my favorite car! Yeah, a house in the country! Yeah, the movie with Jack Nicholson! Yeah, the dough!
I knew of one official, who was very terrible, the stern and serious man, and once - and it was in the 90 years he went to Spain, which made an indelible impression on him. Therefore tricky clients, coming to his office, instead of talking directly to the case, asked: "And where exactly were you in Spain? What was the name of your hotel? And the weather did not disappoint? " People have changed in the eyes, mentally he was already there, behind the clouds, where the sun, he was good, and... after that, not that he radically changed his decision, he could "no" to say, but at least did it kindly, explaining that I need to change or correct.
This understanding of cards "happy points" in acupuncture soul will facilitate and work, and relationships with people, and just coexistence with the world.
It is in your power, it's your choice! You can surround a vile, disgusting, gloomy nature. But you can - the wonderful people who heard your voice, starting to smile.
The secret is that it's all very simple! You need to become a little more careful - once, change the focus of the two, and the third is to collect "keys". Yes not just say, "well done! "and specifically thank him for what he had done. You're so reliable, you just helped me out. You are so clever - this project came up!
Similarly, instead of to treat their own conditions as will, think about what and how you tell, do you often smile, can listen and hear if what you say. Consciously!
Everyone is surrounded by people who make you smile as soon as you you think about them, even if you can't see. Surely they are doing something of what we say. Moreover, these geniuses of communication do this intuitively. We are always happy to see, we call them or go to them when we have a bad mood. Not to complain, otherwise they will have to avoid. But because next to them us warmth and fun. Because they have a "Golden keys" on our mood.
But if you can't do it intuitively, no one is stopping you to do it consciously! Perhaps you initially will not get it with such ease and ease, it will still be better than the gloomy conversation.
A very important principle Stirlitz, who knew that always remembers the last phrase. Same thing here - we must always end on the positive. To people all the time felt that you involve only good news, only compliments and good mood.
So, ten days. You smile at a meeting, waiting for your release of the holiday, as the holiday? I wish you a birthday to Shine and warm up all and next? Congratulations! You become Office Sun, and weather you have now always favorable!
Your home task
Do a little exercise. Talk with colleagues with whom you stand in line in the dining room, casual companion, ask them what they enjoy, what they are really happy? But always in the details and details! Support the conversation, ask clarifying questions...
When I go to the mountains to ski, I love to climb up on a lift and examine the top skiers, the slopes, the dark trees, the sky and the mountains, " says Olga.
And this year what the weather was?
Great! We were very lucky with the weather!
- And you have a good ride?
I ride a medium, but my children just fine! And our small just grew up on skis!
The more details, the more quickly dispersed the clouds that darken the light of the sun! There comes a time when a person begins to luchitsa. Now on the face of Olga appears half smile, here's shoulders slightly straightened, eyes sparkled. I admire and understand that literally three minutes ago, while we were talking about "serious things", she looked completely different! A miracle happened to my eyes!
And talked to you someday with the parent who glows with pride for your child? Or with an entrepreneur who has zero fostered your business? Or with the person in the metropolis dream of his overgrown Apple town on the banks of the don?
Source:
Our psychology
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