Impressions from daily communication with parents is the first, but perhaps the most important social experience of the child, which affects all its subsequent development. That is why the dialogue interaction between the child and the mother or father is a necessary condition for proper and timely development of the child.Types of parenting
Before you can go directly to the topic of our conversation, remember that in teaching there are four types of parenting: the dictatorship, Hyper, non-interference and cooperation. Each of them has their results, and their implications in the education of the child. Think about what style of communication with a child adopted by you!
Dictate is the systematic suppression of the older initiatives of the child. The result of the commitment of the parents of such tactics is often developing in the child a strong reaction resistance, if he is inclined to leadership. But more often the result of this educational process is increased anxiety, mistrust and self-doubt.
the Hyper parents protect the child from the care, effort and difficulties, taking them on. The result in this case is easily predictable - usually of such a child grows immature, Moody, self-centered, demanding personality, maladjusted to life. On the other hand, bewildered since childhood excessive care, the child starts to feel powerless in a situation requiring action or decision. And sometimes approaching adolescence, the child feels the need to get rid of excessive care, which ultimately leads to rebellion, protest.
This is quite common today, the type of family education, as
noninterferencebuilt on the recognition of the desirability of independent existence adults and children. Here the child is left to himself. Some parents believe that he is developing independence and responsibility. Of course, make mistakes, the child is forced myself to analyze and correct, but this method suffers likelihood of the child's emotional aloofness, including from parents. Not received the required share of parental care and affection the child feels lonely, becomes suspicious.
And finally,
collaboration - this way of building relationships in the family, the basic principle of which is the Association of parents and child's overall goals and objectives, joint activities and mutual support in all areas of life. The starting point of education in this case is the word "we". In this case the child has sufficient independence, but there is always an adult ready in time to help, to support, to explain, to reassure. Such a family United by common values and interests, family traditions, and emotional need for each other.
It is "cooperation" should recognize the most effective type of education, a positive effect on child development.
As we build a dialogue with your child
A very important factor that complicates relations between parents and children, the inability of parents calm and respectful to the child to Express their thoughts. Often adults are not able to calmly and clearly explain to the child what they want from him, that is, to announce to him his expectations. They endlessly scold him, invite other people to inspire your son or daughter what he (or she must be.
The ability to discuss the problem with the child is another important aspect of education art parent, which builds its relations with the child on the principle of cooperation. "It is possible, if from early childhood to establish a dialogue, not a monologue, " wrote Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh. - If a child should only be the ears, and the parents only voice, nothing happens. But if early childhood parents showed interest: you are interesting to me! Your every thought is interesting for me, all your experiences and all movements of the mind and soul interesting, tell me I don't understand... the Trouble with parents is that they almost always put yourself in this situation: I de see, and you don't understand... And if parents would say (just the truth): "I don't understand, I explain", a lot of things could be explained. Because children readily explain what they think, if not expect that it will precipitate and will prove them wrong".
How to create a good basis for dialogue?
First of all, be calm and confident. Today, many parents look depressed, helpless, powerless. Their behavior often varies between the power of coercion, by which they try to "take action", and passive permissiveness "Democrats" who fears to limit the "freedom child".
In order to achieve peace of mind and confidence, you need to remember that you are responsible for education, and that your duty is to convey their attitudes and values of children. You need to try to build faith in yourself: understand that any extreme parenting (nervous cry, passivity) stem from a lack of confidence in their parental authority, and that your son (daughter) is an independent person, which cannot be affected, if lost trust.
It is very important to be consistent in dealing with children. Many people think that it will gain the trust and love of children only if you behave with them "friendly". Become the child's friend, to some extent, no doubt good, but you should understand that your "friendly" position may allow him from time to time to go beyond "can" and "cannot" in your relationship. Friendly relationship can be dangerous in cases where the parent forgets about his role as a teacher: because it rests on the authority. Yes, and the behavior of the parent towards the child becomes in this case is ambiguous, indecisive, inconsistent, and sometimes children (vengeance, irresponsible behavior on the principle of "spite").
The hardness and consistency is a very important parental quality that brings serenity, clarity of thought. The children of the solid does not mean to be rude. Just a child must get used to the fact that in this world there are certain boundaries and rules that need to be considered.
How can you teach a child responsibility and independence?
We suggest You to follow some simple rules:
- offer a clear and transparent rules: "Do this and don't do", gradually shifting the responsibility for the enforcement of these rules on the child;
- allow the possibility of disagreement on the part of the child, if he expresses his respect to the parent;
- do not perform for him, for which he is personally responsible;
- allow the child to act independently, to experiment, but do not forget that he must answer for the consequences of their decisions and to correct errors;
- help your child to discover their strengths.
Speaking about the errors and weaknesses of the child, it is important not to draw far-reaching conclusions, not to insult his person. The man and his deed are not one and the same! Tell your son (daughter) of their dissatisfaction specific act, but wrong wrong wrong thing to a personal level, don't continue to insult the personality of the child. For example, don't call him a dumbass for two, for the smell of beer - not prophesy "alcoholism". The girl first night noticed in the company of boys, don't call that word, which some loving mother scolded in such cases their daughters.
Try not to use in communicating with the child irony and sarcasm, not to humiliate him in front of other people, not to tell others about his errors.
Never never never go to the level of personal insults!
And now - go for it! Find the most favorable for you and your son (or daughter) and discuss with him what excites you. Tell us about your feelings about upsetting you situation, in any case not arguing that this is precisely the state of things actually. When your partner speaks, listen carefully, don't interrupt, try to understand him.
The main aim of such dialogue is to find a compromise solution, to teach the child to move to a mutually acceptable position.
Source:
The family site
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