I remember the last time deliberately lied: left together with two American journalists on a trip to Siberia. In the religious community, which many called a sect. In terrible time trouble, not making appropriate vaccination against tick-borne encephalitis. Not having a special warm clothes, but still in a bad mood. Parents, I was told that the food in the Khakassia and everything is "so beautiful, so beautiful..." In General, hung them on the ears pink jelly. Nor do I feel regret a single replica: but I know that's dear to me people were sleeping all eleven days of my absence. Through these eleven days I calmly told them the truth. But a big lie my trick hard to call. Rather, I deliberately distorted the facts, knowing that after a certain delay will spread all be honest. Moreover, no personal gain for their "wrong" I get not intended. Its a lie I "bought" the calm ones.
This is a strange expression "white lie" owes its existence incorrect use of the biblical text. In Church Slavonic version (old Testament, the Psalms, PS. 32:17) says: "the False knight salvation, many of the same forces of his servant will not be saved." In modern language: "Unreliable horse salvation, not save his mighty power". The point is that, if something happened, and a good horse will not save if there is no will of God.
In the Book of books special negative attitude to lie there. In the ninth commandment, which operate on literalistic, we do not lie about "in General", and about the evidence in court. And on this forum, one American youth group "whistleblowers" we strongly advise you not to lie there, meticulously referring to the U.S. Constitution. And the rest of the practical Americans will even indicate some situations when lying is not only permitted, but encouraged. For example, the girlfriend about what she goes dress (and what to do if she is phenomenal touchy and even neutral comment about the new outfit can ruin your relationship for a month? ).
I remember a dispute of two very young boys. The last argument desperate defender white lies was the following: if the Gestapo comes to you into the house in search of a Jew, who, as thou sayest, it is absolutely correct to lie, claiming that no one in the house no.
This article is a great excuse to write fifty letters to all points of the globe with the aim to find out, lie to your friends in the rush hour or not. The first answer comes from London, the bartender of Yurga even apologizes that he never had, but she had no doubt in their abilities: as soon as we have something or someone to save, it will certainly lie.
The St. Petersburg friend has a neighbor who every week sends his mother's letter on behalf of the deceased brother. Even at the post office all in the course of this long history. The fact that old Antonina Petrovna, who survived the blockade and two strokes, the news of the death of his beloved son, according to his daughter, simply will not survive. Here and gets his portion of "artificial life" a weekly basis.
Isn't this the situation, when the person gives up before the truth? At some point for some reason he decides to invent another reality easier, more reliable, safer. French Faith to surrender does not plan, but a lie for a good purpose it does not bother. She sends me to the German film "goodbye Lenin! "where the story of the Berlin family during the reunification of Germany. The mother of the hero is seriously ill, her son together with friends simulates the preservation of the GDR. Comes, of course, to the absurd: in the trash he is looking for cans of peas "globe", perceived label, removes the fake news and vyputyvaetsya of other difficult situations.
Because in real life lie can ringed anyone and anything, the film begins and ends with a lie. First, the mother is lying to children about his father, who fled to Germany. Then, creating fictitious GDR, lying son not to injure the mental health of the mother. And in the end again lied to the mother to meet the expectations of the son: in the end, she certainly knows what happened to the world map, but shocked by the care shown to her child.
There is in the movie is the paradox of freedom. And it is difficult to understand whether the heroes, playing and having lost reality, it is completely free, whether they, on the contrary, wandering through Berlin with kettlebells "freedom" on the necks.
Perhaps, in an ideal world the truth should be free. So I was taught in the Soviet school (which could be described as ideal for the state in which it existed). And the poster on the wall appropriate there. But the school has not passed, for example, what if terminally ill, someone from the family or from a family whose husband leaves. Much later, fifteen years later, I became almost obvious that they are in the process of collective intelligence is born a certain model of behavior, which, as an adult, calmly able to repeat any person in our imperfect world.
A friend from Kiev made me jump with surprise, describing in writing the story of her sisters. Her husband appears mistress. Sister buys a new SIM card and sends her husband SMS: "Igor, use your brains! What are you doing? You have such a good family, wife, children. I am your friend, my advice to you: use your brains". From surprise or fear the man really begins to think. After some time, the heroine is once again on behalf of a friend sends her own husband SMS: "You live don't get with anyone at work knew, all the gossip, don't put yourself in a stupid position. Posing as a friend of the husband, the wife sent messages as often as it allowed the balance. It turned out that their relationship is soon recovered. I do not know whether to call it the salvation of his own honor and his family, but his lady had made.
The following story about American Steve I actually heard a dozen times. You can only substitute names: international model. Family life Steve passed under the diagnosis of "infertility". The two married after a few years of marriage fell apart. The third marriage was successful thanks to the ingenuity of his wife. It, changing it with someone, gave birth to a son and then a daughter. He is the happy father of a family, proud children, and all are spoken of as the son resembles the father, and the daughter to the mother. And here is a Russian variation on the theme of impatient women: assistant Irina for a very long time could not get pregnant, went to rest in the sanatorium and in a couple of months left at light work due to pregnancy. Daughter Agatha. Half of the friends I asked to assess this turn of events, thought it was a wise decision in this situation.
But where is the wisdom of the decision borders on betrayal and the right to interfere in someone else's fate? And whether once to tell the bitter truth: let not the husband, child? Immediately reminded of the Latin American television epic, where hundreds of storylines were built on a small, almost imperceptible to the falsehood that a hundred of the series is turning into a disaster. The main character here and so becomes pregnant, the child will mix up in the hospital and forget to confess, even some games with blood and attachments will start.
There is another problem. I think subconsciously we are always aware of who and what can navrat. Since the standard communication consists in a process more than one person, then assume that he is on something is able to offer a discount by agreeing to communicate with you, it is quite possible. You sort of make a kind of contract, which then provides both parties a fair share of serenity. Something tells me that the old woman receiving letters weekly, it can realize the death of her child at least on the level of maternal intuition. I'm sure that Steve, guessing about his infertility, against cheating wife did not object. It's like in "Alien" Yuri Grymov: a childless couple parents suddenly charming dark-skinned girl that the mother conceived in the wild Eastern country during the medical mission almost on the front of husband. And the answer to the question "can you build a relationship on lies salvation? " goes absolutely Yes. But is it really so hard to speak the truth?
Recently I was told about the experience of one British couple who decided to live a year and not to lie to each other under any circumstances. Then a couple came in the newspaper Daily Mirror and told reporters that nothing in their relationship has not changed, they still love, still respect their half. Its so simple. No juicy details and surprises. So, not to deceive all the same.
My friend aunt Lida, which is now about sixty, to the question, did she ever lie says, "had, of course, small things, but to lie I'm not a fan, prefer to do without this". I like her story in solving a business issue. I think it was all masterfully. When the Builder Alexander did repair work in one of its apartments, terribly it was delayed for a simple reason: it was hard to control, because in the country where the apartment, none of the owners have not lived, and repair instructions were given remotely. Alexander was convenient to come to an empty apartment and work, when he pleases, that is almost never, and at the same time, as reported exploration, he trash somewhere else. "I did not know as me to act. I thought I would come on spring break in the city and rent an apartment for a young family. It worked. I came, and he by the time I left everything was finished and gave me the keys. Deception no one was hurt, and the work progressed". I applaud. Here I am one hundred percent sure that cheating only played a positive role. But the lie was in fact "no", Holy simplicity. Aunt Lida wanted to see what work was converted already paid her the money, she just "spurred" employee.
Another example: a colleague Marina, learning that her mother was dying from cancer, until the last day he convinced her that she would recover. Now, telling me about the past, she feels the bitterness: she is ashamed of her mother, she still knew, will never stand up. (By the way, the same Marina is able to scold vehemently teenage son just because he ran away from school and walked in the Park with a girl, and she was told that the whole day was in the classroom.)
It is obvious that the difference between lies a cancer patient mother or in favor of the speedy completion of the repair is huge. Whether this difference is forming in the mind barrier: here lie may have the right, and there is already no? Question deontology, which broke a lot of copies, and great minds, and curious whistleblowers, easily able to put me in a stupor for days. Because of the relationship of man with the truth is probably more complicated than the relationship of man with woman. Because, actually, the second, probably built in the first place.
A good friend, a journalist from Israel, who has lived on earth many years and had seen a lot, says: "Lies, I think, just an organic part of our lives. Remove it, and life would lose a lot of its flavor".
But how about the fact that lying is still a sign of cowardice, this is the pass, which we give of reality, when in some form of fear? But maybe there are some special conditions in which all lie? That is, for example, these classic cases in medical practice, when it is better to tell the patient that there is a chance he will recover, than to deprive him of hope and kill?
Soviet medicine - with all the horrors of the Soviet system - lied recklessly. While Western medicine has always held the view that the patient should know the truth - at least in time to make a will. This Western truth, says my colleague from tel Aviv, died great actor Evgeny Evstigneev. It was brought to England to do heart surgery, and the doctor, as is customary, "they" told the patient that will do, how and what can be the consequences. "But Evstigneev was, first, "our" and accustomed to the doctors he was reassured. And secondly, even worse: English physician did not consider that he is a brilliant artist, a person who is able not only to understand what he told the doctor, but to imagine it! " It happened irreparable.
In the second Pit, one of the well-known precepts of yoga, says that, if some words can hurt, they can't be considered true in the highest sense. At risk of harm - shut up. I am sure that none of the European or American physician on this principle not going to be silent. But Western doctors is "not ours".
But what can "own", and not the doctors. During the great Patriotic war journalist Krivitsky at your own risk invented words: "Great Russia, and nowhere to retreat", which is attributed to the political Klochkova. As once wrote Oleg Kashin, "his conscious lie could be the decisive factor, which is off the public mood in the days of the battle of Moscow, has influenced its outcome".
I thought long and decided. Probably, if for the salvation of Moscow or a dear person to me I have to speak something like: "Napoleon was stabbed Christopher Columbus in 1991 on the roof of the White house and received for that prize at the Cannes film festival, then I will do it with such conviction, that all who heard it, run to check e-encyclopedias. But it is only in exceptional cases: any stories with dresses girlfriend. Even more I will be glad to answer. As says my wise colleague, "I am salvation keep back... always." Here and horse harness is not necessary.
Source:
Elle.ru
No comments:
Post a Comment