In search of norms parents often turn to his own childhood: "when I was a kid... ". But the child can't be sort of a clone, a copy, a replica, in a literal sense a continuation of their parents. In addition, we must not forget that the generation gap is now much deeper and patelnie than before, and, accordingly, much more acute is the problem of "fathers and children". The change of the social system, breaking stereotypes, the search for new ideals and values, social stratification and at the same time the rapid development of new technologies. Generation of screens, monitors, mobile lives in another world and in another rhythm. Interaction with new media (the Internet and mobile phones) is playing a larger role in the lives of adolescents. Parents don't always think about what your own child should be considered as a representative of another generation...
Most often the question that the child is "not the same", is exacerbated when the baby goes to nursery staff and begins to learn how to build equal relations with peers and to abide by the rules of subordination adults. For a kid is a real challenge, because so far it was all good and love mom, dad, grandmother. And suddenly it all went awry: the mother is sad, angry dad, grandma grumbles that correctly educated. The first steps of socialization can be very painful for the baby and his parents. The main task is not to fall into any of the extremes: either "all is not right, just my "special" child rights" or the opposite "all children as children, and I... ".
Parents generally difficult to be objective about your own child. Very often we are cheating ourselves. And speaking about what the child is "not the same", do not bring the thought to the end: perhaps not as convenient to the teacher, or not as we want? Almost no fathers and mothers, which at least to some extent, would not be affected by parental vanity, because there is no sweeter feeling that my child is "best". It is very difficult to forgo the dream image of the "worthy" successor. Someone from fathers want to see their son energetic, all advanced and loves sports. Mother dreams quickly to ensure that their baby has outstanding abilities, and also attacks of convulsive yawning whenever he sees a book...
The child is not only the fruit of family upbringing. The birth of the new creature is a great mystery. Each child has his own temperament and intellect; its own unique set of genes; the cocktail of diverse abilities and inclinations, not always, by the way, nice. It is best to treat their child as a being, who has yet to meet and try to understand and accept the way God made him or nature. And believe me: no class is more interesting than to know your own child - you have a lot of discoveries, and not very pleasant. You will wonder and despair, rejoice and be angry. The look in his genealogy of the ancestors with the same qualities, "calculate" the harmful effects side. And yet we must begin with the acceptance of the child as it is. And then you have a long way soft adjustments, which, however, should be parent firm hand: positive qualities should be encouraged and developed, negative - smooth and even (if you're lucky) to turn in dignity.
Mania "differences"
But sometimes the other extreme: the child really has problems, but the parents are not going to enter into acceptable to the community the scope of his beloved son. They like that their child is not like the others.
Psychologists and neurologists recognize that today's children are hypersensitive and excitable, often they are very gifted. The number of non-standard, special, difficult children is so great that there was a special term - "Indigo children", meaning "children of the future", which supposedly have a new unusual psychological characteristics and behaviors. The term arose as a result of observations Nancy Ann tappe, who argued that non-standard children special color of the aura - dark blue, or Indigo. The theory about the existence of some special children has become quite popular among parents whose pride sustains the idea of the singularity of their children.
Most often it is the mothers who came for a consultation with a psychologist, excitedly talk about how unique their kid is gifted, gentle, sensitive and vulnerable. And here is a rough environment is unable to understand and appreciate her "little Prince" or "gentle Princess". Or, on the contrary, the child is very active, captures everything on the fly, makes it much faster than others, but teachers and classmates "somehow" unfair to him. And in the first and in the second case, it is necessary to work not only with the child but with the mother. Quite often parents themselves cultivate in their children "mania differences" form from their not-so-special offspring inconvenient, difficult, not favorite any peers or teachers rogue.
Where are the "white ravens"?
Unfortunately, very often parents are risking themselves to make their child a "white crow". Child, undoubtedly is a kind of risk:
- If the family decided to constantly compare ourselves to other people: we are better, worse, better, poorer, richer, smarter; we old - timers or, on the contrary, people visiting, etc.
- If the family lives is closed, and strangers are always suspected as a possible source of trouble and even danger.
- If you criticize others is the usual way of communication between adults.
- If a child is constantly made to compare with peers and to reiterate that he's not like all: stronger, weaker, sicker, smarter, dumber.
- If a child will learn that he is always right, and all the conflicts and troubles to blame others.
If he is brought up in an incomplete family, and parent consciously or unconsciously seeks to "close" son or daughter on itself.
- If the child is for parents (or one of them) by means of self-assertion.
- If the baby is brought up by the mother (grandmother), which made sense of his life.
If elderly parents make the child a "little old man".
- If the family is dominated by the extremes in the way of education. Equally dangerous as permissiveness and indulgence, and rigid authoritarian style, the constant criticism of the child.
- If the baby is limited in communicating with peers and mostly satisfied with the company of adults.
- If in the family there are serious psychological problems among adults.
If the parents rudely trying to "break" some innate quality of the child instead of gently adjust them and create conditions for the development of alternative qualities.
When you start to worry?
The parents have no reason for concern, if the child is happy and not concerned that he is "not this, not depressed and not aggressive; it has good relations with peers, and its features are not alienate from him the other children; he knows how to communicate with adults, to obey and to obey; does not oppose themselves to others, does not see around enemies, friendly and respectful to the people; if the idea that he is not born at the time of puberty, which is quite normal.
Parents have good reason to suspect that their child is "white crow" if he feels a sense of alienation and rejection, became an outcast in the children's team; there is a suspicion that he had developed symptoms of the victims, which he provokes peers that he was hurt; he was used to attract attention in unhealthy ways (crusada, Kuznitsa, hurt those who are stronger than him); he has no friends among peers; always speaks badly about all.
What to do if you have any doubts that your child is not the same as all:
- Try as much as possible to articulate what you see abnormalities in the behavior and development of your baby;
- Ask the psychologist or in any textbook on developmental psychology, not whether "special" behavior of your child under the norm for his age;
- Think about what exactly is your reason for concern: the fact that your baby is criticized around; he's got bad grades, complex relationships with peers or he just creates some inconvenience for adults; does not justify your hopes and not feeding your feelings;
- Analyze, does not cultivate anyone from a family of ideas "features" of the child;
- Try to place the child in an adequate request Wednesday: "too smart" - in a special school for gifted children; child, which "pulls" the exact Sciences in Humanities class; fidget - the sports section; the demure - in circle drawing. It is important that the child have had the opportunity to communicate with children who have similar interests and would like to feel on top.
But at the same time care should be taken that the child was developing those qualities that he lacks (perseverance, the ability to play with other children, willingness to share, the ability to consider the interests of others, and others);
- If your child has difficulties in communication arise only at home, look for the origins of problems in family relations, not the child.
- If you feel that you cannot cope with the situation, you should consult with a neurologist and a psychologist regarding your son or daughter.
Author:
Kirilenko M, Yatsenko A.
Source:
Zerkalo Nedeli
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