At the March surge in sexual activity there is a physiological and psychological explanation.But winter sleepy oblivion together with sensuality emerges and the many problems associated with her. Once again we find that men don't understand women, and women men. We have little idea of its role and its goals in the sexual life. And often our frustration is not due to the lack of opportunities for sex, and the inability to receive the expected satisfaction.These expectations is the only thing that is common in relation to sex in men and women. Everything else is different.
Sex is the most important, after a survival thing for each organism, endowed with the floor. And for some, sex is on the first place: males spiders, for example, are willing to give their life for him. But humanity has come a long way, separating the pleasure of sex from its biological purpose, and man is the only life form capable by his desire to make sex without procreation and reproduction without sex. But where such difficulties at all stages of sexual relations? And why 80% of divorces occur in the sexual dissatisfaction, even if it is hidden behind the phrase "do not match the characters? Moreover, statistical dissatisfaction of women at all afraid, because their physiological ability to enjoy sex is immeasurably higher than that of men.
Perhaps blame accepted in society and the double standard of morality, including those relating to and different attitudes towards the sexuality of men and women. Our culture is associated with the concept of "fallen women", but no one talks about "fallen men". His unfaithful wife condemn and husband in such cases only criticize. Young woman under archaic, but enduring morality must be chaste, and a young man call just to be prudent. In case of equality of rights seducer welcome and seduced condemned. Whores cause disgust, sales men interest. It certainly has in-depth explanations, but in everyday life they are unlikely to work.
From mass media men and women also get a different setup. Women's magazines are always telling you how to build relationships or to develop new ones. Magazines for men inspire readers, what's best for image and self-esteem is to become a successful male. That is, to conform to traditional ideas of what should be a woman, and any man. Mismatch imposed parameters causes an inferiority complex in both men and women.
A significant obstacle in the development of male and female sexuality - parent instructions. The basic instructions of the parents of such genes. They tell us what stereotypes relations between men and women that interfere with these relationships to have. It may happen that your desire, for example, to marry, and not yours at all, and the parent program your single mother. And, if you are unable to immediately run the program, it becomes the cause of your sexual problems.
Parent programming is not the fault of the parents, since they only pass on what they themselves received from their parents. (So parents who want the best for their children should find their own scenarios and decide whether to pass them. They must find a way to modify these scripts and wrote the famous psychiatrist Eric Berne in his book "Sex in human loving" instead of frogs, which are themselves, to grow princesses. To make this extremely difficult. Even more difficult "than to cut yourself, and without the help of the psychotherapist is necessary.)
Parental attitudes partly to blame and family conflicts, sexual violence: the psychoanalysts say that after four or five years of marital happiness many men dream of their wives in the image of the mother or in the scenes of childhood (even if, waking up, they don't remember, the images of wife and mother are merged, which is not conducive to sexual activity).
The desire to impose the culture of the ideal, or to follow the parent's instructions - the long-standing problems. But perhaps all of these settings is the only way to fight another global problem, hindering the understanding of the sexes. In fact, over the last two hundred years of social and sexual roles of men and women are so messed up, it's no longer clear who is responsible for what and who strives to do. The feminization of men, masculinization women, the struggle for gender equality not only in life, but in bed...
Man now often allows women to manage family relationships, including sexual. However, he believes that his duty is to "serve" a woman to satisfy her. It is the neurotic position, and it stems from a misunderstanding of the biological factors that determine the interaction of the sexes. After all, the mere presence of the body of penetration and muscular body suggests that the man should take the initiative in sexual acts. Most men consciously or unconsciously with disapproval treat women trying to take the initiative in sex, and unconsciously resist it. This resistance decreases the desire to have this partner, and sometimes impotence. Yes and the woman, no matter what a feminist was, unconsciously resents the passivity of men, without lowering his head. And this leads to alienation and reduction of mutual interest.
But, in spite of any social and cultural stratification based on sex is a simple and effective natural scheme. If women and men will remember about your destination and its associated roles, they will be able to avoid many problems. Not only sexy, but also psychological. the biological and social conflict
The mystery that distinguishes the Earth from any other blocks, flying in space, is a handful of human genes. From the point of view of evolution, our bodies need only as carriers of sperm and egg cells, so that the Earth was populated. The only function of sperm and egg cells, in turn, is to be held and wrappers for genes. Sex - fuel, which leads to this great project forward.
Originally roles and functions clearly divided: male - factor in the development of the species, the female factor in its preservation. The man provides a huge variety of solutions. And takes decisions a woman, ensuring the survival and repetition are the most
sustainable features. He proposes, she accepts or does not accept, based on their instinct of procreation. On this are based on anatomical and psychological characteristics of the sexes.
For example, a woman experiencing greater sexual rise, if a man behaves actively. The stronger the pressure, the woman is softer and pliable. Intense male courtship caused sexual tension. Once the voltage is removed, the courtship changes shape or terminated. On the relationship of the pair devoted to the child. Among primitive people, these relationships did not last long, and they can be called "serial monogamy".
"Initially people were United in pairs only for the conservation of the species. When the child was four years old, taking care of him took over the tribe, parents got rid of responsibility and chose new partners," writes American psychologist Helene Fischer. (By the way, the echoes of this system exist and still: the maximum number of divorces involving marital infidelities, is in the fourth year of marriage).
No matter how offensive to the modern man, these animals almost relationship, they are the basis of our sexuality. More animal physiological and chemical component of our love.
Sexual impulse
Physiologists explain love and its consequences in chemical terms. The fact that there are about a thousand of neural and hormonal substances, providing "a Symphony of sensations" experienced by lovers. The first violin in this concert played by serotonin in the ensemble with the already well-studied endorphins. A major role is attributed and phenethylamine, which, incidentally, is very much in the classic romantic gift - chocolate. This is especially true of women: the girls this substance is excreted easily; adult women deficiency often occurs discomfort and even exacerbated by various psychosomatic disorders.
In high doses, these substances create a feeling of bliss, weaken physical pain, have a positive effect on almost all physiological reactions of the organism. Unfortunately, these drugs produced by the "factories of the body", is short-lived: the half-life period and the impact on the brain of endorphins does not exceed five minutes, after which the brain needs recharging.
Now, women all love this cocktail is kneaded longer and in other proportions than men. Calculated: factory love elixir on average operates from two to four years, and this production is gradually declining. The critical phase is the transition from the production of phenethylamine, feeding the romantic enthusiasm, feeling smooth happiness and family protection, which ensures a uniform flow in the brain endorphins. Most often bankruptcy loving plants occur by the end of the fourth year of love.
Vision. If men's eyes more focused on, say, the middle and lower parts of the female body, women are much more concerned about the man's face. Women need just eight seconds to get to be the first, instinctive (and often the only correct) judgment about what a potential partner they are dealing with.
To mislead men much easier. The baboons stimulator amorous feelings of the male is bright red in the rear part of the body of the female. For men, in principle, the same kind of bait are brightly painted lips, processed cosmetics skin, Breasts and narrow waist ladies. While for the development of love females usually need physical contact, for the male is much more visual means of emotional-erotic stimulus.
Ethnopsychology say, "If females as fast respond to a visual stimulus as males, they would act when choosing a partner is much less critical and demanding, and this would have a negative genetic effects on offspring". For women this function performs not only physical contact, but also the context of relationships. It confirms or refutes their first visual impression. It is another level of protection against errors.
The scent. An important reason for the sudden love - scent. It is known that male insects fly to the smell of females for miles. People have a weaker sense of smell, but our body also produces a special odorous substances - pheromones. And if they bring a partner, he instantly falls in love. (Unfortunately, the effect of pheromones significantly weakened due to the perfume and clothing.) It works like this.
All people in addition to the normal senses are still small, the size of a match head, education in the anterior part of the nasal cavity - vomeronasal organ. From him are the nerve fibers in the hypothalamus, and he is responsible for the production of reproductive hormones and puberty stimulates a state of excitement, joy, pleasure.
"Bouquet" of pheromones is strictly individual. Thanks to pheromones that our subconscious decides whether to sustain a loving relationship. If the analyzer detects a partner in flying particles similar to their immune system, instead of craving arises dislike. If under the action of pheromones object is the release of the hormone amphetamine, it comes from the point of view of biochemistry, the present drug intoxication - passion erupts.
By the way, that pheromones are responsible for rampant amorous spring. Because they are all leather, and tight clothes hampers the flow. With warming all dress in light clothes and start to smell them. The most active areas, exuding pheromones - the tip of the nose, armpit.
Now known such sexual pheromones-aphrodisiacs, as androstenol and androstenone. The first stands out for the man in the youth season, i.e. during the period of puberty - from 15 to 20 years. Then androstenol almost ceases to be generated. During puberty the future men produce androstenol two to three times more than girls. Moreover, in women, the level of this pheromone falls when hormonal disorders (e.g., while taking the contraceptive pill) and in the days of menstruation. Androstenol only attracts attention without causing sexual desire.
Androstenone - pheromone aggressiveness, which is considered a masculine quality, it attracts women and repels men. And there's nothing surprising: for women on a subconscious level of male aggression (in the psychological sense) is associated with strength, and hence protection and support.
Men react more to pheromones than women. Just ladies are more careful, and it is easier to suppress the feeling. Sometimes people are gradually getting used to the pheromones of each other (that's you and them accept - slubitsa").
The fruits of evolution
The evolutionary purpose and biological objectives is, of course, is good. But the cosmic consciousness does not solve the specific problems of a particular people. A portrait of modern men and women cannot be reduced to primitive images. What exactly our relationship now?
Yes, almost the same as at the dawn of civilization.Only there are many nuances. Men are much more romantic than women. They fall in love more often and faster, while the love of women is not only growing harder and slower, so it should courtship, a long and loving relationship. In addition, they also tend to finish faster love relationship. But if it really has Prokhvatilov", then it becomes much more Africa and Express their feelings more openly than men. And it is quite difficult for her to hide their love from others. And in marriage the opposite is true: anxious to keep the remains of romance - the lot of women.
Consultant Irina Gavrilova, psychotherapist
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