Big changes
- When friends know that I'm the only one I have a daughter, I immediately prepare to Express sympathy and compassion, - says Alexander, a single father. "And if I explain that annoy mom's all right - she is alive, healthy, and after a divorce lives in another city, where she has better working conditions, all are shocked. "How can it be that the mother is not doing her own child? ", "How can a man to raise a girl? " - about the comments I hear from relatives, and from employees, and even from teachers daughter. But I'm used to, and for me in this situation there is nothing strange.
It often happens that life changes are happening faster than we begin to understand them. And changes that are part of modern life, so rapid and global, that will long be regarded as a deviation from the norm. It is hard to imagine that people can change views on such traditional things as a family, the role of men and women, raising children, but... this is happening.
In the modern world, man and woman become more and more similar to each other both external appearance and inner world. We equally strive for professional achievement and material success, we have become very similar moral principles. Sociologists believe: women who see their primary task of caring for her husband and children left in the past, as men, who traditionally have been responsible for the material support of the family, and therefore sought to professional achievements. This is the main reason that the number of single fathers in the world is increasing. Of course, the situation when the man left without wives, can be very different, but if another 10-20 years ago, children in most cases entrusted to grandparents or other relatives, now fathers and ready themselves engaged in their education.
Paternal parenting
As strange to others either looked like a family consisting of dad and daughter, in some areas it is even more successful than the family in which the mother is raising her son. Dad can be assured that she will receive an example of feminine behavior - even if it is nurtured them from a very early age. Teachers in kindergarten, teachers in school - almost always women, the older generation by 75% presents grandmothers, and that is enough to provide the girl with the communication with the members of their own sex. But mom raising a boy, you have to think with whom the child will take an example.
Lonely dad is almost always the choice of the men. The woman left without a husband, much stronger through its position and increasingly seeks to change it. Both can take the form of a very unfavorable for families and children. Men, whether by virtue of the nature of my psyche, whether because they know that their ability to create a family with age is absolutely not decrease much calmer endure the loneliness and more feel in such a situation happy. The result is "daddy" children are much less likely to suffer from neurotic disorders and behavioral disturbances than children of single mothers.
Children raised by man, are more balanced, calm for another reason. The presence of the father increases the child's status among peers, gives him a sense of confidence. Everyone knows, as we argue children about whose dad is taller, stronger and better. If you translate these arguments into the language of psychology, they sound something like this: "I have a father, it is authoritative to others, so will always be able to protect me".
Problem: to foresee and cope!
- It so happened that I'm the only one raising my daughter ever since she started first grade, " says Nicholas. - First, all was well. Teachers treated me with understanding and tried to help. But the older daughter becomes, the more I have problems with others. I am often called in school, while the child learns well, and with her daughter constantly talk to the school psychologist, sociologist and someone out there... Revealed to me do not speak, but sometimes it feels that I suspect in some deviation from the norm. This situation seems to me to be offensive and unfair, because the woman raising a son alone, the ratio is more than tolerable. No one doubts her sexual adequacy and educational abilities.
This is perhaps one of the most significant challenges for modern fathers assertion of his right to live as they see fit. But it is, of course, not the only one. With what other difficulties are faced by the fathers-singles and girls, which they bring up?
If the man was alone in the result of some dramatic story (adultery of the wife, her care), it can be very long to store in the shower negative feelings. And distrust of one woman can spread to the entire female half of humanity. And in the family it will be necessary to appear, rather, to be felt on an unconscious level. The girl in that case acquire low self-esteem and a distorted view of how they should behave.
The opposite situation, when a man idealizes the mother of his child, assures us that everything is good in moderation, even love. Hearing about what mom was (because this attitude is often to late) the best woman in the world - the most beautiful, intelligent, talented, a girl can buy a real inferiority complex, which will complicate all of her personal life. Because the first experience with men she receives, communicating with his own father. From him she hears the word about their attractiveness, their positive qualities, and gains confidence that it will all be appreciated and other men.
A girl who is brought up by the father, often feels too heavy loads. And it's not just that she has to take daily care of the house. The fact that the atmosphere in the family by and large depends on women is due to their emotionality, openness and speech activity. For adult women is not difficult to maintain at home positive attitude is a natural part of its existence in the family. But the school itself still needs emotional warmth, support, and care. Therefore, the responsibility for emotional atmosphere in the family may be too heavy load.
Living with his father, the girl soon begins to learn all the subtleties of male behavior. This seemingly well, but it should help in relationships with the opposite sex in the future. However, it is often too "sober" attitude toward men deprives the girl of romance, prevent her fall in love for real. At an older age it will be a wonderful wife and mother, but can be a partner in the act. And this, of course, can interfere with family relationships.
There are many opinions about whether the father to participate in the sexual education of daughters: from complete openness to ignore this topic. The truth is, probably, as always, in the middle. Specific questions you should answer kindly and tactfully, but not necessarily everything that relates to sex, the girl should learn from his father. There are special books and programs that are well informed and help to avoid natural for such situations embarrassment.
And the last one. No matter how wonderful a teacher nor was the Pope, yet the best he can do for his daughter is to create a complete family.
Author:
Employees C.
Source:
The health of the schoolchild
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