My girlfriend for three years, meets up with her boyfriend. Of course, limits to this beautiful process was not installed, but I often saw her sad and the phrase "we love each other," she began to speak less confidently. Recently, when we talked in the company, someone cheerfully asked her: "When is the wedding? " - and she frowned and under the pretext of "popuarity spout" was released.
On the way home I asked quarreled whether in love, and friend unexpectedly emotionally said, "Yes it would be better! " It turned out, their relationship does not develop, and extend for one, and incomprehensible note: neither of the wedding, or the rupture of the question. She can no longer find yourself still passionate feelings and not sure I want to live life with this man. But they have long together, accustomed to each other... Controversial monologue ended confused: "How do I do mind I will not put".
True love or fake?
In my own experience I know: in such cases, it helps divination, especially guesswork than we did in the nearest cafe. Only for forecast accuracy should be added to the aromatic drink more real facts, at the same time giving voproshaya side to talk and calm down. Development options "frozen" situation my friend was two. The first is to drop everything and go look for a new love, the second, and preferred, is to get married. Not to count the three years spent on a single gentleman, thrown out of life. In fact, with our women's point of view, a man in such conditions have long had to Mature to offer hands and hearts. But its still not followed, you need to understand what the obstacle.
Loves? Says Yes. With good Lee side girlfriend proven? Tried very hard: spoiled culinary masterpieces own cooking, going to visit him, brought order to the apartment, closet replaced flattering, and, between us girls, for the intimate relationship she, too, is not ashamed. What? Twenty-first century in the yard, sexual compatibility check is now made in advance. In a word, not a woman, but one big plus. What's the hitch?
"But nothing," I sighed. No scientific term "frozen relations, as there is no time frame, which can determine, does your Union or stalled at some point. The only criterion is the man himself. But if one in a pair of uncomfortable and understands that he wanted something more, not the fact that another is experiencing the same thing.
Here in our case, why did the man to change something? He gets all the comforts of family life without its hardships in the form of responsibility for the life and budget. And can continue to feel independent and... lonely. Friend was upset - in vain tried, it turns out. And suddenly he was after all not so selfish, just can't decide on crucial step? This is our lively discussion faded due to lack of information. Yes, for three years, potential spouses and took a minute to figure out what the views on their relationship and future plans. Looked at the bottom of our cups, we agreed that all the signs are reduced to one - gentleman need to talk.
A new twist
Friend firmly promised to tighten - tired of living in "limbo" state. But still the opportune moment to talk to, she waited almost a week and admitted that to start it was very difficult. Historically, calm showdown we perceive as the worst quarrels and emotions, nothing will be written off, and like seriously fate was sealed. But if the problem is to ignore in the hope of "self-healing", it is possible to spend a lifetime in position and not alone and not together." This thought gave her friend forces, and it still found that the hitch relations guilty... itself.
It turns out that her man a good memory. She thought it was expressed only in the fact that he does not forget to congratulate her on her birthday and on the anniversary of their acquaintance. And he remembered how once, at the beginning of the relationship, wanting to look progressive girl, a friend said with conviction that true love official registration is not needed. He didn't want to doubt the authenticity of his feelings so he did not mention marriage. She, too, was silent. And actually in love with and not against to reunite. Note that for women, "I didn't know that you want to get married" after several years spent together, sounds like a pretty stupid excuse, but men say it sincerely...
However, contrary to my expectations, the story is almost bride, was not so happy, as was to be expected. "You know, I think that a real man should be more insistent. Whether a little that said, I generally talkative. Turned out, I told him the first offer made, is passionate reasoned friend at the next session of "divination". In front of you, I'm not going to portray a feminist and to be honest, I don't like, because he was so obedient. Maybe then we'll have all the decisions? " She began to look into wavy streaks of coffee grounds, mumbling something about the complexities of life, and I concluded that these relations have moved forward, but in what direction is the development or completion is not yet known. But a friend has clearly become more confident, felt himself the master of my fate, thinking about the next step...
She actually lucky because usually to get out of such a life "pauses" is much more complicated. How many of them are well - known-stories "friends ' friends" about how He had fooled Her head a few years, talking about free love and conserving the final stage of the candy boquet period. Then I met another - and in a month on a voluntary basis was made entirely legitimate family nest, leaving the previous passion alone to solve the puzzle "what was it? ". Or even more severe case - affair with married. A sea of tears and miles of nerves plagued on such relations, but they are usually "freeze" at the very beginning - when it becomes clear that to divorce the object of desires seriously isn't going. Remain more or less secret meetings and... hope, on which it all rests.
Of course, here, as guesswork, can't say for sure, suddenly Prince charming (as Charles) really ever decides to continue. But it is better to evaluate your chances, so you do not look for a way out of the impasse at the bottom of the porcelain cups.
When one does not want peace
A number of reasons for the "hang" is approximately equal to the number of pairs with which it happens. But without details they can all be reduced to home: one of the partners in nearly all satisfied, so he already goes nowhere" and the other would go, but not dare to force things. To determine that the relationship suspiciously slowed down, easy. The most obvious hint will be your own feelings. Want a different communication format, to a greater or lesser degree of confidence changes - that means we need to improve what was between you, and will begin the next stage. And if change does not occur naturally and makes you feel bad, leave everything as it does not. This spoils the character, self-esteem and health - a scientifically proven fact.
In unstarted cases helps a simple exchange of opinions. Yes, if something in the relationship you are not happy about that need to know their second participant. Remember, hints of any thickness and transparency in this case is not suitable for males to them innate immunity. Although, maybe they pretend to be, but very successful.
Describe the problem as you see it, out loud, clearly and calmly - this is the only way to be heard. And to get the point of view of the partner that is not less important. Not necessarily in order of your relationship should be married, as long as you feel happy, and not Vice versa. Sometimes, of course, that "I married unbearable", then any rate seems too slow. But such a desire you can afford quite shamelessly, with only one amendment - it is easier to find someone who also decided to marry without delay than by hook or by crook to lure in the network hymen resisting man.
Sometimes women complain that they are with a partner "hard" or "impossible" to say that between them occurs. But then not at all clear how they are going to live with someone who does not want neither to hear your other half, or to discuss contentious issues without bringing the relationship to a crisis. Maybe this man is good in the format of a lover or companion for walks, so let it alone. If there is no common language, this is a sure sign for a long time you not on the way.
When the situation over the years remains in the "pause" and is complicated by the failure to discuss or underlined, "I promised nothing", then you need to know "simple", to switch the control on yourself and determine which way to move forward. The choice is easy: either themselves, and not the relationship, realizing bright future will ensure is that the miracle, or... Yes, to stop him and hope to leave with the intention to find happiness in another place, because it is not. A very important thing to keep in mind: in life there is no "right" and "wrong" decisions, any you only accept at your own risk. No one actually is not my fault that you "missed your chance" - there is no guarantee that it was yours. Or Vice versa, "gave the best years of your life" - it is unlikely that they have taken by force, so you will likely get the response, "well, who asked you? " Unpleasant, but very likely. Alas.
Light in the window
Recently heard one of the male opinion: women being inferior, because they cannot live separately, independently. Supposedly, that's why they stick their sharp claws at anyone who happens to be near. Moreover tightly, it is demanding to marry. And if the fortress manicure is not enough, then find someone to take over - deliver "for themselves" child who is destined to be mamochkina hostage. It was said, of course, in the hearts, but essentially to argue that turned out to be nothing but "you are jealous, that giving birth can't! " Look around: when one man - he's an eagle always an enviable groom. Even if it's not so public opinion on his side.
And when a woman - she perceived it as a single and not as an independent. And it is the opinion and others, and, unfortunately, it the most. So we hold on to a relationship, turning a blind eye to their hopelessness, letting themselves be deceived and neglected. Alas, in our reality, where ten girls guys... will not be considered as not to upset - is considered to be glad that you got at least one. The fact that he is in no hurry to develop relationships, of course, a little sad, but not an unambiguous signal "this man doesn't fit".
We close our eyes and ears and try to turn off the brain, so don't go it thought "he doesn't love me", because for us it is "nobody loves me". And if not to be afraid and still think, will be more often the case that we don't love ourselves. Do not appreciate, do not believe that and that alone-somethings. That is why often really cling to men, afraid to let go, accept the communication with married tolerate betrayal, turning a blind eye to the obvious discomfort in a pair...
And here lies the main secret of how not to spend life on the "slack" of relations: more respect for yourself and remember that happiness is not about who is next, but in ourselves.
Author:
Miroslava N.
Source:
Natalie
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