Man criticizes: what to do?

How to respond to men's criticism? To stop, when he makes unfair comments, so don't want to, so it's a shame all this “swallow”... And in response to his accusations you start to protect yourself emotionally. Typically the showdown comes to nothing. But on balance, bile, anger, dislike, even hate each other. Hence, the criticism as a method to improve the relationship does not work. And you just have to abandon it.



Male infantilism


What man wants to achieve, criticizing the woman? The most common explanation - I care about our relationship. And this takes care formula global of rebuke.




But criticism sounds so generally in 99 cases out of 100 that you cannot find any criteria that will help her to correctly perceive and change something in their behavior. And this is the main problem, because the criticism laid a trap for his beloved. Telescoping universal claims, the man plays the role of the Prosecutor and tries to shift the responsibility for the situation on the follower.




Setting traps, he develops the game:




- I warned you...


"You did not listen...


"And now I will do so...




Three combinations of the crank gets himself carte Blanche for all further actions: one will go with friends to drink beer, and the other to the left.




This game is a clear illustration of male infantile behavior. And as tactics elected abstract criticism without simple, verifiable criteria. Productive criticism can only be in those cases, if it is formulated as advice or as an offer: "You do not tanned for me. Let's spend two weeks in Turkey". For a start - not bad!





I love you. Point. "Crooked" Declaration of love


From criticism in the relationship smacks of emotional blackmail. Why? Because criticizing put in a situation where he has to prove Something: go there, not knowing where, bring it, not knowing that... And wherever people went, and whatever he brought all the scenario, because specific instructions are not given. How can I handle it?




Never, under any circumstances, not to buy the content. Very often, putting forward claims to the partner, we Express our devotion to him. Translating from Russian into English, we get: "I'm afraid to tell you how much I love you" or "I'm afraid to be depending on you," or "now I'm offended". And the only way: "I am frustrated. The point". But as soon as the sentence continues: "I want to be with you..." query to love is not heard, and come to the forefront conditions, claims, charges, because in the statement laid inequality.




Further conversation turns into nonsense. Why do we so often stumble, objasniajace in love? The fact that people are afraid to Express positive feelings, because he becomes defenseless. It can reject, not to understand, not to take... And the longer people are together, the stronger the fear. Wrapping in a negative your concern, we are also shifting the responsibility for their feelings and their behavior. Anyway, this motivation also smacks of childhood.





Want to change something? Talk about your feelings


Maybe you ask, it is better to remain silent in response to the ridiculous comments partner and swallow accusations? But why do you think there are cases when gentle, kindest woman in one day takes the pan and hit her husband on the head? The fact that aggression tends to accumulate, and how and when it will splash unpredictable. I want to turn into a powder keg?




As we have seen, neither the notorious critic, nor showdown can't improve the situation of misunderstanding in the pair. The most universal, the most employed way - plainly to talk about their feelings. It's not easy, but learning to openly Express yourself is possible, but would require a lot of inner work.




For a race for a short distance will suit banter, parrying criticism: "Yes, Yes, Yes, I'm so bad, how do you hard with me..." But this method has two serious disadvantages: it is, of course, effective until that time, until he was caught militant critic. And the second: these word games exclude genuine spiritual closeness. But when talking about the relationship that the two value, you need to throw all this verbal tinsel far away.





Start with yourself


When we blame the man, he resists. But when we give to another (give it, but do not require), the relationship changed dramatically. Changes its behavior one, then the other does the same thing: life together is interdependent Union. So, if you do want to change the behavior of the partner, the ideal way is to start with yourself!




If you think that it to you inattentive, think of cute simple gestures that will both raise the mood. And then, no doubt, your half ask yourself the crucial question: "Maybe I do something wrong." And believe me, will not disappoint you with his response.

Source:

Smoothie.Roux

women's web magazine