This occurs most often at the beginning of the third year of life. Yesterday such an open and direct, the baby suddenly begins to cheat, to shirk their responsibilities under false pretenses, to deny the obvious fault, to shift blame. It disturbs parents, and they by all means try to save the child from the habit of "to lie".
The lies and tricks of the child - only more Mature and logical forms of impact on others, rather than formed in infancy style emotional pressure (tantrums, tears, begging and so on). Growing curiosity and more frequent prohibitions adults that nourishes first fictions baby, try using fantasies to circumvent the restrictions imposed by adults.
There is growing pressure on the child. It caught on the word, forced to admit their wrong or "expose" the old fashioned way: "don't lie, you've all written on my forehead".
Tactics of exposing small "cheaters" and forced recognition are, however, ineffective. Covering palm "treacherous" forehead, the child continues to compose, looking straight into our eyes. Maybe he did not realize that lying? Failing to understand the difference between fiction and reality? Perhaps, in this age, it is useless to explain that to lie ashamed?
Need and whether you can deal with a child's lie?
Children lie is one of the most studied problems in psychology, but to deal with it in everyday life no one has yet succeeded. Some experts believe that the fight lies in General and children in particular, it is useless: it is part of the life of any educated person. Tact, good manners, the interests of others or the need to compromise in certain situations force us from time to time to resort to insincerity, "half-truths", and even complete lies, hiding true feelings and opinions.
Unfortunately, people lie not only from noble motives, but because of greed, ill-will, cynicism. This lie usually causes a rejection and condemnation of others - it is rightly regarded as a personality defect, immoral and unacceptable. However, "acceptable", and "immoral" false grow from one root. The main thing is not to give a polite child grow into a falsity.
Who teaches the child to lie
The child begins to lie in the period of active development of speech and imagination. This is the most significant achievements in the mental development of the baby. It is the basis of the formation of his logical thinking and imagination enables us to abstract from directly perceived reality and mentally to know that you cannot touch, see or hear. Functions of his consciousness as if double: on the one hand, he continues to perceive the surrounding world - heavy sinking, fire burning, on the other explores the world of imagination, games and fantasies.
Even very young children differentiate between reality and fiction. If the girl is preparing lunch for the doll, and the role of Patty plays the cube, it will never bite him really, just "pretend". The child may fantasize in different situations - as compensation for missing knowledge and skills, to protect against "threats". To replace the real needs of imaginary teach adults. Children are incredibly curious and active: they all need to touch all play, and the most attractive - not toys, and things belonging adults. The child reaches for an expensive watch, but since there is no guarantee that he will treat them carefully, we "cheat" it. Put him on the hand with the ring from pyramid and say, "Look, what a watch! " It helps, but not for long. 's substitute for the real thing - this is our compromise with the child, and he is well aware. Perhaps that is why we often hear from their three kids something naive like that collected in the book "three to five" Korney Chukovsky: "Grandma, you're going to die? " - "Die". - "You bury? " - "Bury". - "Then I will play your sewing machine".
Growing curiosity and more frequent prohibitions adults that nourishes first fictions baby, try using fantasies to circumvent the restrictions imposed by adults. 3-year-old Kirill, the son of a famous psychologist Century Mukhina, talking to himself, "Mom said not to touch pylesos (vacuum)". Then turns to the invisible cloud (window closed tight by a curtain): "Cloud, you can togati pylesos? " and answers himself: "You, kila, you can".
With age, reasons for fiction is becoming more and "deceit" more sophisticated. Unwitting perpetrators become adults who are forced to present a child's certain requirements. Naturally the question arises: "What can you do? " You can't afford the child. Reasonable restrictions are necessary, and if the prohibitions provoke false, and permissiveness fraught with problems. What is the solution?
Little tricks
You should know that the first, naive "false" is not a sign of problems. Moreover, in a certain sense it is an indicator of a child's development. In the traditions of Russian culture it is customary to condemn and prevent children's deceptions. And American mother, for example, belong to this philosophically, believing that if intelligence and social behavior of the child is all right, his lies and tricks - only more Mature and logical forms of impact on others, rather than formed in infancy style emotional pressure (tantrums, tears, begging and so on).
Therefore, you should not unduly to dramatize the situation, but you should not let it out of control. If the kid occasionally resort to a few tricks, for example, having eaten issued to him candy, comes to you for a second, lamenting that first took the cat Murzik, he should "believe". But if these tricks become a norm of behavior, it is necessary to understand the reasons for them.
As a rule, parents are surprised that the child is "twisting" in such situations, and does not speak directly. "Well, for us it unnecessary candy pity? " Probably not sorry, but do you know about this child? Not did it from you before too sharp refusal, had not heard whether the tedious notation about healthy teeth and harm sweet? You already forgot about it, and he remembers and pre-hedging itself.
In General, the loss of spontaneity in relationships with adults - a sure sign that the child is developing successfully. He formed the social emotions: modesty, tact, pride, guilt. Maturation changes the personality of the child and his behavior, spurring him to a kind of "workaround" maneuvers to explain adult "legitimacy" to their requests, desires, needs. How many strict restrictions, which you have surrounded your baby? If a lot of them, and the punishment for the offence is too severe, the child will inevitably be to deceive you.
Fraud protection
One of the causes of children's false - it's our parental selfishness and rudeness. We do not consider children's games are serious business and at any time can tear the child from his practice. The imploring words "now-now, well, still wait a minute," do not give your impressions and even annoying. Also categorically we stop trying to bring to the streets lump of snow, favourite stick, smooth stone is a real treasure, which we perceive as trash and debris. And the child begins to defend itself from us with the help of fiction and deception: bringing it all in house secretly.
Here's a case that I saw in one wealthy family. Sasha enthusiastically plays on the living room carpet. The mother is busy cooking dinner in the kitchen. And constantly pulls the daughter: asks you to get some cigarettes, a lighter, to gather in the kitchen of his scattered books. At some point, Sasha no longer respond to her requests. Worried mom comes into the living room and sees his daughter lying motionless on the carpet with his eyes closed. "What's wrong with you? " - throws it to her daughter. "Can't you see, " answers she, " I died. Now bring herself his cigarette, and I'll live".
How to respond to such antics? Unless the child should not comply with our requirements? Of course, should. But our demands have to be not only reasonable, but also tactful, taking into account the interests of the baby. Cannot unceremoniously breaking his intention to terminate his game. If we want to teach children to listen to us and respect our requirements, you must first show him an example of respect to the Affairs of another person.
Deception is the compensation for the defeat
Another form of children's lie - boasting non-existent achievements, bragging that occurs when kids are chronically unsuccessful that is the main value not for themselves but for their parents. The children in this case - just victims of parental vanity. Too much from them waiting, and they are not able to justify those hopes and buck. Kids are a great psychologists, fine sense of frustration and irritation close. They want to meet the requirements, but they're not getting. Then they begin to "invent" their success. For example, we can declare parents that they were the best and they were transferred to a group of students, and coach all commanded to follow their example. At the slightest real luck they inflate it, grossly exaggerating, just to win the approval, recognition, gentle and kind look my mother. Boastful "little liar" is nedoguleny child. Walk through your harshness and find a reason often to admire the kid, showing him my love.
Fantasies of a fretful child
Often 3-year-old toddler encourages deception wounded pride. It is very sensitive to the estimation of others, to themselves. And if these estimates are unpleasant or adult rough with him, the baby starts to fight back, to talk back or to make up stories that seem to supersede these grievances. 3-year-old Dima, for example, on the way from kindergarten proudly told my mother that the teacher scolded him for careless application, and he showed her the language, and all the kids make fun of her. Needless to say that actually the children laughed at him, and not above it, and the language he never showed.
Paraphrasing painful for his pride accident, the child feels relief, in the imagination of "cracking down" with the abuser, he restores justice, which cannot be achieved in reality. We, the adults themselves often sin of it. It would be wrong to stop such childish fancies, have a certain therapeutic effect and help the child to cope with the harsh reality. But, listening to children's "version" of events and morally supporting the baby, it is still gradually to impress upon him the idea that you should be able to admit his guilt and that honest people are always respected for what they are not afraid to speak the truth.
And if for no reason?
And this happens. "Unmotivated" a lie can occur at any age. The youngest she looks whimsical fantasy. 2-year-old Stasik fell in kindergarten and the nurse smeared it scratches greenery. To the question who picked him up from kindergarten moms, what with his knees, he suddenly said, "Grandma bitten". The house on the same question grandmother he had already said, "Mom bitten". And only in the evening, when they asked him about this father, he confessed: "Fell, Zelenka anointed".
Older children also love to pristinity. They tell stories about alleged they had seen the alien ships, say that they know the secret of immortality, and may look to move things. Love to boast teenagers, and quite respectable adults too. However, the need a little FIB - not entirely unreasonably "cheating", just cause is not always lies on the surface: I want to give more weight and significance of his person, to call the interest, and to do it otherwise does not work.
This kind of writing can be as evidence of dissatisfaction with himself, his position in the family, group, class, and sign a special liveliness of imagination, the propensity to work. Hardly strictly to judge kids for such fictions - they just want to impress our imagination, arouse our admiration.
However, if unrestrained imagination of children not accompanied by these achievements, they become empty reverie when, instead to achieve real success, the kid keeps in mind a brilliant victory, but a finger does not hit to make them a reality. Of these young "writers" can adults grow loafers large claims. Therefore, to support the child balance between fiction and reality are still needed, and if fantasy replace him all kinds of activity, you must return it "on the ground" and to cultivate a taste for the real thing.
What you should know parents of children who lie
Inventions kids - not yet lie in the full sense of the word. They rarely really selfish and are not intended to cause harm to another.
False children may indicate disturbances in relationships with adults. It should change the style of communication with the child, to eliminate the causes, forcing him to cheat, and "falsity" will be reduced to a safe minimum. Otherwise, it will take root and become a real disaster for him and for others.
With the habit of lying is useless to fight, if the family members themselves are not sincere with each other. The child intuitively learns this style of communication can match your requirements to be sincere, as long as you are not a Paragon of veracity.
- The child must learn that to speak the truth he can only occur, when the truth sounds impolite. For example, you cannot say to a friend that his gift you disappointed, or to criticize the hostess, announcing to all that the mother is better cook. Strangely enough, but even the most sophisticated young planners bad given the lie of "decency" and to teach the child to "polite " lie, sometimes you need a lot of effort.
Source:
Child.Roux
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